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AIBU?

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Original poster

Called aside in the office today...

530 replies

whatty · 17/10/2023 23:11

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

OP posts:
ExpatAl · 19/10/2023 20:15

I’m sorry you’re upset. Perhaps sit on it tonight and see how you feel tomorrow. We have an open plan office, usually around 24 in. I insist my team uses a room for calls or meetings. If I see two colleagues talking for any longer than 5 minutes or by the desk of another I send them to a room. I also asked our office manager to get everyone noise cancelling headphones. Open plan needs good manners and collegiality. I’m
amazed nobody called you out on it earlier and the business manager dealt with it well. I’m sure in hindsight you’ll realise more or less seven hours of calls that everyone can hear is not being fair to the rest of the office.

katedean · 19/10/2023 20:16

Were you being loud & annoying though? 🤔

SequentialAnalyst · 19/10/2023 20:23

I hate open plan working with a vengeance. Even more do I hate hot-desking.
I also used to have a job where my calls were confidential.

Ex used to sabotage me at home when I was trying to write an essay on one of our computers, by playing the same two computer games over and over again on the other one.

It is impossible to work properly if distracted by "not enough stone, my Lord," or Leonard NImoy saying something fatuous about one of the Wonders of the World.

Sometimes the DC would play The Sims instead - but I would have to leave the room because the little horrors used to make the Sims die in kitchen fires, with sound effectsShock They did grow out of being little horrors, and DS eventually became a firefighterGrin

katepilar · 19/10/2023 20:28

I would find it extremely distracting if someone sitting near me was having calls all day. I would would have told you something after second call.

How do you expect to be let know if you didnt like the way he did it?

CauliflowerBalti · 19/10/2023 21:08

Those of us on back to back calls work from home these days. No point going into the office to spend it headphones on talking to other people, or in a pod.

Firebug007 · 19/10/2023 21:29

Sorry I think he absolutely did the right thing. It's not ok to be on calls all day in a shared space FFS, I hate working in offices with people like you, I'd imagine he got a number of complaints. Go to a private room.

User8907 · 19/10/2023 21:29

I mean it was probably annoying if they wanted to work in peace and silence. But I wonder, isn't this what we did prior to 2020. Went to office and talked on the phone and there was noise...

Lovemychair · 19/10/2023 21:36

I worked in an open plan office of 70 odd people in the 80's , where we were all on the phone most of the time. I changed career and worked in a clinical setting , have changed career again and am now back in an office. It's so different and really quiet! It's unusual for anyone to have a teams or phone call while at their desk, we all go into a pod. I don't think he was being unreasonable at all.

Pogpog21 · 19/10/2023 21:39

It depends if you are able to actually get a room or pod. My employer is pushing for more work in the office but it’s not possible to get a pod/ office for back to back calls all day so I’m often in this position or work from home to make my day manageable.

LoganCaleSeries5 · 19/10/2023 21:41

i know i can talk loud, and in an open office i prefer eg a pod etc

CoffeeMama1 · 19/10/2023 21:54

This totally boggles the mind, I work in an open plan office and we all (even pre pandemic) have multiple meetings as teams or zoom calls every day, sometimes many hours long. You're in an office space and working, you're using the space as intended. If they dislike it they need to find a quiet working area.

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 19/10/2023 21:57

CoffeeMama1 · 19/10/2023 21:54

This totally boggles the mind, I work in an open plan office and we all (even pre pandemic) have multiple meetings as teams or zoom calls every day, sometimes many hours long. You're in an office space and working, you're using the space as intended. If they dislike it they need to find a quiet working area.

In an open plan office with multiple pods / meeting rooms etc, the open plan bit is the quiet working area.

It’s different if there are no facilities to work in a private area but in this case, the OP accepts the pods exist - she just didn’t feel like using them.

LoganCaleSeries5 · 19/10/2023 22:09

HappyAsASandboy · 19/10/2023 18:57

I have long worked in open plan offices, and if you're going to be on calls all day then you try to find a room/pod or at least love spaces several times during the day so that you don't annoy the same people all day.

Headphones can make your voice louder because you can't hear yourself. This is certainly true for me! And it's more distracting than two colleagues having a chat because there's no sound for ages and the you suddenly say something random with no context. That's more distracting than two people at the adjacent seat chatting through a budget because you can tune it out or listen in at your pleasure!

i once made the office manager jump, as when i took a call i did not realise how loud i was, when i suddenly started talking loud, due to headphones.

VeronicaFranklin · 19/10/2023 22:19

I don't think it has anything to do with your gender to be honest. I would find it annoying and distracting too. Much like when being on public transport, there's no rule to say you can't be on the phone but it's highly annoying when you have to sit and listen to someone else on one the whole journey. It's more to do with etiquette and self awareness, some people can be on the phone and control their volume / be respectful of those around them and some people don't realise how loud they're being. Perhaps limit your time on calls if in the public space or use a pod as suggested.

Dibbydoos · 19/10/2023 22:22

@whatty Aren't you at all worried about confidentiality? I'd have used a pod for calls in an open plsn with other businesses.

He wasn't being rude just giving you feedback, so take it in the spirit it was given.

AllyArty · 19/10/2023 22:30

Some peoples voices carry more than others. So whilst you thought perhaps only a few people within your area could hear you, maybe a lot more people could hear you. I would find it hard to concentrate if I was working and I had to listen to one person on the phone for most of the day when everyone else was quiet.

Finetoday · 19/10/2023 22:33

I don’t think he’d have done it if you were a man.

And I’ve spent years and years working in open plan offices (I’m dead old !), and yes it is distracting when people are loud on the phone but that’s just normal IME.
We’d never book a meeting room for a phone call because they were just for meetings.

Baaba · 19/10/2023 23:02

If you were a male in your 40's he wouldn't have pulled you aside like that. I think you should have been more considerate and moved into a pod if you were going to be on calls all day, but seriously any of those people who were distracted could have tapped you on the shoulder and said something.

GingerNutMe · 20/10/2023 08:24

You are completely out of order trying to use the sexist card - he wouldn't have done this if I was a man!!!!! And from what you said he didn't do anything wrong. His team are concerned at the distraction so he's asked you to consider that going forward. Open plan working is a pain - not your fault the company chooses to work that way, but using the pods seems a far better way to work for yourself than the full open plan - I know I would prefer it.

LadyBird1973 · 20/10/2023 08:51

If there were free pods and the other workers were so distracted and so in need of quiet in a shared, open plan office, they had to complain about the OP, why didn't they just go into the pods?

Insertcreativenamehere · 20/10/2023 08:52

I think he handled it in an appropriate manner by the sounds of it.

Elaina87 · 20/10/2023 09:09

I wouldn't say you were "pulled aside". You're both in a senior role, it was a case of him needing to speak to you about something on behalf of his team. You may have done the same? Maybe a better way would be to have arranged a short meeting with you but they might have seemed OTT. It is distracting if someone is talking on the phone all day, I'd have thought it would be better for you to have used a pod or room too?

Everanewbie · 20/10/2023 09:09

LadyBird1973 · 20/10/2023 08:51

If there were free pods and the other workers were so distracted and so in need of quiet in a shared, open plan office, they had to complain about the OP, why didn't they just go into the pods?

I would have done, but shouldn't have to. OP is the odd one out here not the rest of the office. Its like the person upthread who suggested ear defenders for everyone else.

twostraws · 20/10/2023 09:25

I think a lot of people on this thread are mixing up an open plan office leased by one employer (a traditional office set up) to the basic membership tier of a co-working space, where people from different companies share an open plan space (a more modern set up, more common to startups but growing in popularity due to hybrid working).

With a co-working space, there are generally multiple membership tiers.

With the most expensive tier, you have your own private office. Do what you like in there.

With the most basic tier, you're using a communal space. You have to be respectful of other people. There will be pods available for calls so you don't bother other people, and you're not supposed to camp out there all day unless you are genuinely on back-to-back calls. You also should be wanting to take your calls away from the floor, because it won't necessarily be colleagues overhearing your discussions, but random people. Maybe even competitors.

If you create a nuisance of yourself in a communal co-working space, don't be surprised when the bravest person asks you to stop.

MargotBamborough · 20/10/2023 09:29

twostraws · 20/10/2023 09:25

I think a lot of people on this thread are mixing up an open plan office leased by one employer (a traditional office set up) to the basic membership tier of a co-working space, where people from different companies share an open plan space (a more modern set up, more common to startups but growing in popularity due to hybrid working).

With a co-working space, there are generally multiple membership tiers.

With the most expensive tier, you have your own private office. Do what you like in there.

With the most basic tier, you're using a communal space. You have to be respectful of other people. There will be pods available for calls so you don't bother other people, and you're not supposed to camp out there all day unless you are genuinely on back-to-back calls. You also should be wanting to take your calls away from the floor, because it won't necessarily be colleagues overhearing your discussions, but random people. Maybe even competitors.

If you create a nuisance of yourself in a communal co-working space, don't be surprised when the bravest person asks you to stop.

I actually don't think it matters how the space is leased.

If you're in an open plan space, unless it is a call centre where everyone is on the phone all the time, you need to keep the noise down.