Called aside in the office today...

[whatty]

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

I have to agree with the majority anyone needing to make a long call or have a teams meeting goes into a room if one is available.
We have a lady who doesn’t work for our branch but comes in to hotdesk quite regularly and spends all day loudly speaking on calls and several people have complained how distracting it is and why has she come in the office for that purpose!

Yes it's worth noting that if people are unable to concentrate in the office due to someone making phone calls all day they will get behind with their work, risk missing deadlines, or have to work late to catch up, missing out on downtime and time with their families. That's far more miserable than having to make your phone calls away from the open plan space.

I haven't RTFT but I'm baffled to see the responses! Do all of you only work with people on site?
Even pre-Covid our teams were globally based so common for people to be on calls all day. No issue.

This is so strange.

I don't see what is so baffling. OP works in an office that is shared between several different companies in a hot desking arrangement. Whilst some calls are part of the general office noise, OP spends her whole day on phone calls and virtual meetings, whilst sitting amongst people with different jobs with different companies, whom feel that OP is creating a distraction. The man politely asked her to consider other parts of the office for days that her work is dominated by phone calls and virtual meetings.

In a past life, I worked in a call centre, calls weren't a distraction then because 90% of the people in that office were on a call 90% of the time, plus we had head sets. Now that my job involved number crunching, analysis and writing extended prose, I wouldn't appreciate calls going on next to me all day. A few phone calls is different, and part of the give and take of open plan.

With all due respect this is one of the most stupid things I've ever heard.
If companies want people to come into the office they need to provide the appropriate working space. The onus is not on the employee to faff about booking pods/waiting for cancellations how much time is wasted on such trivial things?

@longestlurkerever I suspect a lot of this is done with no care for employees just managers' obsession with presence. Even pre-Covid although we had WFH it wasn't widely encouraged and people came into the office only to sit on calls all day.

Of course employers could get rid of 'open plan' if they are that bothered but it would cost ££££.

If there are private pods, it’s considerate to use them.

Can’t stand noisy people on a train when I’m trying to just read. Would be intensely annoying if I was trying to concentrate on work.

YABU as there’s a perfectly convenient alternative.

But nothing's stopping you from wearing ear defenders. I am a software engineer and do deep work, I get the need for quiet but this has never been possible in an open plan office. Before that I was an accountant, worked in banking/finance again same thing.

I have never worked in an office that had people only on a 'few calls' , they've all been busy and noisy. So I was wondering was I just exceptionally unlucky? Where is this utopia of quiet enough to work in offices? Most of my work contacts are in the same industries as me maybe it's different in others.

The bigger question is also why OP is required to be in the office if all she does is be on calls. She might as well stay home and save herself the commute. This is the employer's fault and not the OP's for making her go in.

If that guy is with his own team and they avoid making calls that's their own policy and nothing to do with the OP.

Phone calls are different to video calls, or calls where you basically talk at your screen. People talk more loudly in those cases than when they are holding a phone close to their mouths.

@ImADevYo OP stated that she wants to go in as she appreciates the office atmosphere. Yes ear defenders for others are on option, but in normal life we're considerate of others, people are expected to keep the noise down, not oblige everyone else to wear ear defenders! I've got a lower threshold for noise, and urgh people eating crisps etc. so my noise cancelling headphones are important to me!

I accept, different offices have different cultures and different noise levels. Yours sounds busier, noisier and good and lively. OPs phone calls would likely be drowned out by other stuff going on and would be less likely to distract other people. It sounds to me though that OPs office is different, and like the OP has not read the room on the culture in this shared space, to the point where someone has had to have a quiet word.

I'm glad OP accepts that she maybe got this wrong, is that her need to make calls outweighed others need for a reasonably quiet space to work. Now we all know an office isn't and maybe shouldn't be a library, but it sounded like OP was so wrapped up in her busy job that she started to bring misogamy and all sorts into this when the reality was that she was doing everyone's head in.

It doesn't sound like there is a policy in place, more a case of this man making an informal polite request on behalf of his team, a bit like someone asking a person on the train to use headphones for their music, or move out of the quiet carriage into a general one if they want to talk loudly. Just asking for some consideration for fellow office users where the majority prefer a quieter atmosphere to do their equally important work.

What do you think happened pre pandemic in the office? We all sat there and did calls if we didn’t have it in person?

Nobody is right or wrong. What’s the policy of the company who run the shared office space? There’s policy and then there’s assumed office etiquette…

We didn’t have Teams calls and our in person meetings were held in meeting rooms.

These were apparently full meeting with reference to documents. No one in my office would have dreamed of trying to have that sort of meeting unless everyone was in one place.

We had it the opposite way
Someone came to take a teams call with no headphones. In the call centre. Then complained it was noisy
I mean no shit..

You've got to remember it's not just a distraction, it's that others feel they can't talk openly because they don't know who you're on the phone too. They can't have a laugh because it might sound unprofessional to whoever your on the phone with. If they talk about work stuff, they don't know if you're talking to someone who might be a competitor.

Nothing to do with being a woman from the sounds of it, so please don't use that because it diminishes situations where gender is the issue.

You're just sensitive to being criticized, which is understandable, we all hate those moments. It's your bad, apologise and use small offices or pods in the future. Not a big issue at all.

Seeing people is okay. Hearing them on the phone all day not so much.

You were unreasonable precisely because you’re in a shared space with other people to consider; he brought it up to you in what seems like a calm and measured way and suggested (not demanded) that you could use a pod. Tbh you would be driving me nuts if I was in your office.
And please, stop making this about male/female discrimination. You’re reaching, and it diminishes actual discrimination in the workplace.

Years ago, I worked in a huge open plan office that housed several teams. One guy was on calls day in, day out and there was a running joke that he was so loud he didn't actually need a phone, he could have just opened a window.

It was incredibly grating and I can imagine an entire day of listening to someone in virtual meetings would be the same. A call or two at your desk is fine but if you know your calendar is back to back calls, you should really book a meeting room or WFH.

You have taken the feedback very graciously though, OP - an unusually reasonable response for AIBU!

Won't flog a dead horse but YABU.

I get your rage though if he was condescending about it.

Yep sounds v.annoying. Nobody wants to hear 6 hrs of your conversations while theyre trying to work

You've got some serious issues haven't you? You were "livid" because you were asked to make phone calls in a way that didn't disturb others while they were working?! That is a totally reasonable request, unless work don't provide anywhere private, but you've said they do.

I totally agree with the man!
it’s out of order to be loud and making calls in an open plan office.

This is why open-plan offices are utterly ridiculous and never work. It would annoy the hell out of me to have to listen to someone elses' calls all day to be honest and excessive talkers drive me nuts too.

I think you're being disingenuous trying to make this into a gender issue when you've basically done the #1 most annoying thing in open plan offices and got called on it.

How, exactly, would you have preferred him to go about it? Shout "SHUT THE FK UP!!!" across the office? Strikes me that he did the absolute most polite thing possible in order to solve the problem that you'd created for his team.

Granted, I've never seen a man get call on this before. Then again, all of the people I work with tend to have a decent grasp of open office etiquette.

I wfh/on the road but do occasionally have to go into the office. If we have a teams meeting it’s expected that we book a room or pod.

It’s not even a quiet office I think it’s just the done thing! Wouldn’t take it personally if he wasn’t rude about it :)

Entirely disagree with alot of the comments on here. I work in an office and where my department do not make a lot of calls other departments within the same room are constantly on calls and guess what we all manage just fine because we work in an office. If someone cannot cope with being around other people and hearing their voice, office work is not for them.

If your work involves being constantly on and off calls, that is what it requires and very few offices have a space so everyone can have their own room.