Called aside in the office today...

[whatty]

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

It’s really sad that expecting people to be considerate is public places is now seen as snowflake behaviour.

What has happened to the idea of understanding you (general you) aren’t the only one who counts when in a crowded space? Somehow after COVID some people seem to have lost all ability to think of others.

I think it depends how loud you were whilst on these calls? I WFH but go into our office occasionally to hot desk and it’s so distracting when there are other people there who seem to love the sound of their own voice! Fair enough if they’re on calls all day, some people go as WiFi may be better, less homely distractions, but they talk so loudly that I’ve had to leave. It’s as though they want the few colleagues in to hear everything they’re saying, and more! So, unless you’re one of those that speaks loudly down your headset (please don’t, it’s annoying, you’re not physically in a meeting room, adjust accordingly), you’re free to speak all day on calls.
Given you’ve said you’re tired etc you may be reading into it too much about him only approaching you because you’re female…anyone speaking loudly (if you were) is distracting, but if he approaches you again, kindly remind him that it’s not a silent working area, or if you’re a naturally loud talker, maybe work closer to where the music is played?

I think he’s done the right thing and been very polite about it.

I think you saying “if I was a man he wouldn’t have done this” is utterly stupid. How did you get this from the scenario?!?

You’re being loud in an open plan space and that’s why they have those little side rooms. Be more considerate of those around you. Of course everyone knew he was having a word - he did so because they’ve all moaned about you.

making up ‘home truths’ to have a go back makes you look childish and unprofessional.

Take the feedback in the way it was meant and action it. Don’t be the woman everyone dreads seeing coming in because you’re going to talk all day. That isn’t the etiquette in those working spaces, hence you’re the only one doing it. Use a side room!

Also if this is how you react to some normal feedback, dread to think your reaction to constructive feedback. Maybe you should work on that.

What a load of rubbish. The two scenarios are nowhere near similar.

You clearly don't work in an office. There is noise, conversation and bustle when sharing working space with others. However someone on calls all day is an intrusive level of noise that can clearly disturb others.

The way I read it he’s not her boss, I’m not even sure they work in the same company.

He clearly works for the same company, and he’s a senior manager. Maybe not her direct manager, but a senior colleague using her own words,

It's a difficult one, Op. Glad that you have taken some comments on board. Open plan offices can be a nightmare, and the fact that there is music playing in parts of yours IMO is worse.

We have a very very very loud director who takes confidencial calls at his desk. I waver between dreaming of telling him to shut up and listening to some of the things he says open mouthed!

What a horrendous sounding working environment for everyone OP. Do you have to go in?

I agree that in a shared space maybe to be on the phone all day could have been distracting for others. But I do understand why you feel how you do, the fact that you say it was obvious he was ‘having a word’ with you says to me he could have approached it more discretely, maybe a more general email sent to highlight the point would have been suffice. He didn’t need to highlight that there had been ‘many people’ to me also this would make me feel worse about the situation.
I understand your comment about the male/female situation, although things are changing I have been ‘told off ‘ or spoken to in a certain way by a male colleague that have then dealt with similar things with the males very differently. This man sounds to be fair that he probably thought he was just doing the right thing and didn’t mean any harm by it, due to how polite he was trying to be but would he have said it to you if you were male? You’ll never know but you are justified in your feelings and to feel how you feel about it. The question is to just take on board and move on or speak to him and say thanks for letting you know but in future do it more discreetly because it made you feel this way….

This is exactly what I was thinking 😅

OP I don't think you're in the wrong at all, however my only thing is what level do you talk at on the phone? if you're talking at a low to normal volume then I don't see what the problem is....especially as you say the office has music playing throughout.

However if you do talk very loudly then I can see how it would be irritating for others around you.

They don't work at the same company, it's a shared office. Just a random bloke from a different company.

Edit: actually I've re-read and I'm confused if this guy is from the same company or not

In our office, there really isn't an option to go elsewhere or work from home a lot of the time. So if we pick up lots of calls then everyone pretty much gets on with it.

But you didn’t come in to see people - you were basically back to back on calls. You didn’t even mention in -person meetings, and I bet if you had those they would be in a’cupboard’ also.

Times haven’t changed, you were inconsiderate to those around you given the types of day you set up (video/online calls)

I think I’d try not to take it personally but the lack of a policy, whilst not ideal, doesn’t compensate for common sense. In my workplace (open plan) we have a general rule that if you’re going to be on a call for longer than about 10-15 min, especially in a “speaking” capacity you find a quiet room.

It’s different when you’re in a call centre and everyone is on headsets and you only have 30 seconds between calls.

Who sold us this idea than open plan mixed (different company) offices are a good thing? Must have been someone with space to sell and the hordes of others making money from this scam.

@whatty I think the responses on here have been a bit harsh. I totally get needing an extra screen for technical calls.

In my office, people only use the pods for calls if they're more personal, like 121s with your manager, or about potentially sensitive information. There are often people on calls most of the day and other people just get on with it.

That said, I do tend to WFH if I have a very call heavy day as I find it easier. I do have an extra screen at home though.

I’ve just seen your update, OP. Good of you to take feedback on board and I hope your office time improves.

Completely sympathise with you on this. Our pods aren’t good for DSE set up and don’t have screens so you are squinting at a small laptop screen all day which is too low down.

I won’t spent a day in one on calls, and would wfh on that type of day instead. Everything has changed and we are still getting used to the idea of “task based working locations” and not just being at the desk all day. But it shouldn’t come at the cost of your well-being.

I find this quite odd as my office is project work and everyone is on calls a lot of the time. I don’t even think about it. I don’t like silent offices so I like the chatter and energy. I once worked in a an office that was almost silent and couldn’t wait to leave! We also have music going in the background which can be quite bassy! No one would get any work done if they had to leave the office to do calls.

I think this is nothing to do with being a woman. It’s sounds like he went out of his way to deliver a difficult message without trying to offend.

it’s really hard when there is no explicit etiquette, but it sounds like your behaviour unintentionally distracted everyone else around you and without that being fed back to you, you’d be oblivious.

Back to back calls means finding the appropriate environment for that - a pod or booth for sure

I must admit, I was thinking this. I was wondering whether the hub could work with some open plan areas being for people who need to work in peace and quiet, and others for people who are on constant calls and are used to having a hubbub around them all the time? (I stopped working in an office decades ago and have had no experience of office hubs at all so this might be completely impossible, I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding how things work nowadays.)

There is absolutely nothing in the OP posts to suggest she wouldn't make use of recommended areas for "quiet working" vs "heavy call loads and collaboration". That is entirely in your head and desire to have the OP as in the wrong.

I've never seen these mythical workplaces where nobody takes calls in the open office and everyone trots off to a pod for a call of more than a few minutes. Not least because none of the offices have enough pods to do this and it would require everyone pretty much to have their own office. That is the nature of most work in a large multinational or client facing organisation and has been for at least 30 years. Maybe its different in small orgs or internal departments.

As PP have said - there is a general low buzz in these places and people only revert to an office for something specifically confidential or where most of the attendees happen to be co located. What does make a difference is good office management designed to support the work rather than making it more difficult. That is an office management issue.

I agree with him the only time I do calls in the office is when all the pods/ small rooms are taken. I sometimes do a conference in the office while on my headset - where I don’t have to talk or interact! but hours on calls always away from people.

Far more miserable leaving the peace and quiet of working at home to come in the office and have someone distract you with their meetings all day! This was never an acceptable thing to so times haven’t changed.

I work in one. Multiple pods, different sized meeting rooms etc. Nobody would ever do a Teams meeting (far less back to back non-stop Teams meetings) in the open plan area since most people there will be doing quiet work that requires concentration.

It’s one thing if the office / hybrid pattern isn’t set up to avoid disturbing your neighbours. It’s another if a person just chooses not to use the alternatives as in this case.