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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called aside in the office today...

530 replies

whatty · 17/10/2023 23:11

I work in London in a hub office (many businesses under common ownership using the same space) in a senior role (I am female in my 40s). It is a hot desking set up- sit where you like when you come in. Some areas in the office have music playing & some don't (some context!).

At the end of my day today, a senior male colleague (50s) from another business asked to have a word with me. I have met him a few times at sessions where the businesses have been collaborating/ doing leadership workshops. He didn't remember me, so introduced himself.

He then proceeded to tell me that as I had been on calls all day (11.30-6.30 with a short lunch break) that I had been distracting people around me, and "many" people (from his area of the business) had reached out to him mention that they had found me distracting. For info- I had a headset on, and was working with colleagues on budget documentation & talking to my team re: work they were tackling.

He recommended that I use a pod/ room in future if I was going to be on lots of calls. I questioned whether there was a policy re: working in silence/ being a silent space- and he admitted that it was just different approaches to working, and that the team he works in tends to avoid being on calls in the open plan. He then said he hoped that this conversation would be taken in the way in which it was intended. I was confused to be honest- so I said it wasn't clear how it was meant. But that I'd consider his feedback.

When we left the room where we had his conversation, it was clear that those from his business around me were all aware that I was being "pulled aside".

I was livid if I'm being honest- and upset too. I am really busy at work, have been doing long hours, and felt that he had no right to tell me what to do in a shared office space. I accept that I am tired and emotional though, so perhaps should just leave it and move on. However- I also feel like he wouldn't have had that conversation with me if I was male. And that I wouldn't be unreasonable to pull him aside/ talk to him when I next encounter him with some measured feedback of my own.

What do you think? Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths? Or should I keep quiet in the office and on the feedback front. TIA for any guidance you can offer!

OP posts:
ntmdino · 19/10/2023 17:07

Cat1313 · 19/10/2023 17:05

Entirely disagree with alot of the comments on here. I work in an office and where my department do not make a lot of calls other departments within the same room are constantly on calls and guess what we all manage just fine because we work in an office. If someone cannot cope with being around other people and hearing their voice, office work is not for them.

If your work involves being constantly on and off calls, that is what it requires and very few offices have a space so everyone can have their own room.

But...this was a shared office hub, where there were apparently free pods OP could've used (and chose not to).

Daisyblue77 · 19/10/2023 17:58

I dont agree with most people, if its your job to take calls and you are not overly loud then you did nothing wrong

Cosyblankets · 19/10/2023 18:01

Your age, your gender and your seniority are irrelevant.
You were a distraction.
He let you know.
That's all that matters

Lindyloomillion1 · 19/10/2023 18:12

You were distracting others and inconsiderate. Use a side room in future.

csigeek · 19/10/2023 18:19

Pre Covid or in an office environment where your team are present with you, would you be having these conversations as a team in open plan? Likely not. Desks are for working, rooms are for meetings in person or on calls.

LalaPaloosa · 19/10/2023 18:21

I would just take my calls in a separate room and apologise nicely. You intended no harm, but it’s so hard to do work with someone speaking loudly next to you or near you. I worked with a woman who did that and she took massive offence when asked to keep it down. I don’t think there is a need to be offended, just change your working habits so others can use the working space too.

JustARegularPoster · 19/10/2023 18:26

If I was going to be on call all day I'd just WFH TBH. Pointless travelling in for that!

Or if I had to go into the office for some additional reason, I would absolutely book a room. It's so rude to make endless calls in earshot of other people who are trying to concentrate.

YABU sorry. It's only acceptable to be on a call in an open plan workspace if:

a) You're doing most of talking but it's a quick call.
c) It's a long call but you're only chipping in occasionally, not talking the majority of the time/for a long time.

Livelifelaughter · 19/10/2023 18:32

We have a few people in our office who are constantly on calls and it annoys everyone. We don't expect library silence. Interestingly the people who are on calls really don't appreciate how loud they are.

In a shared office space I think it's pretty discourteous to be honest.

Cascais · 19/10/2023 18:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

321user123 · 19/10/2023 18:36

No sorry, YABU.
Can you imagine typing emails or whatever other admin work while someone nearby is talking non stop for HOURS???

I couldn’t hear myself think!

Openocean · 19/10/2023 18:38

You are both right, you have a job to do and if you do it best by making a lot of calls, that’s what you should do and what you are paid to do. He is right to say something if a few scaredy cats reach out to him as someone senior to fix their problem, they are distracted. Open plan offices are hell, maybe try arrange more working from home if that’s possible at all?

I think it’s upsetting maybe because these things feel like there’s a whiff of conspiracy about it (ie “we all got together and decided you are loud and distracting”) and maybe an element of shaming. Probably neither of these are the case in truth, I’m sure he sort of wishes his colleagues would man or woman up and just say it in real time to you instead of getting him to do their dirty work.
I sympathise with both

JRM17 · 19/10/2023 18:47

I think he was being fair and reasonable to take you to one side, he could have just called you out in front of everyone. I work as an emergency services call handler (I answer 999 calls) and I can tell you how absolutely and completely irritating it is to have to listen to people in the background when you are trying to concentrate. I find it quite a "dickish" move on your part to sit for 6hrs talking in an open plan environment when there are designated pods for this kind of situation, I would totally have called you out in the middle of the room.

adjacenttoquiteafewspheres · 19/10/2023 18:48

You don't sound very business savvy or senior sitting in an office space shared with other companies shouting at the top of your lungs about something as confidential as budgets.

nomadmummy · 19/10/2023 18:49

OP its pretty entitled/selfish to spend jours in shared space on calls like that. Wow. Just wow!!

Oldtigernidster · 19/10/2023 18:51

I would want to be in a room or a pod if I was making calls.

adjacenttoquiteafewspheres · 19/10/2023 18:52

Also, what does this bit mean?

" Would I be unreasonable to stew on this- and think up some direct home truths?"

Home truths for him? You don't know him. What 'home truths' do you think it would be professional for you to deliver?

You sound like a sulky, unprofessional child.

LT1982 · 19/10/2023 18:53

In my office the étiquette is the same. If everyone spent all day on calls it would be distracting.

I am unsure why age and gender have been emphasised here. You were not mindful of those around you and were privately spoken to about it. If it was a public dressing down that would be different

StoatofDisarray · 19/10/2023 18:55

I agree with him too. If pods are provided you should use them.

HappyAsASandboy · 19/10/2023 18:57

I have long worked in open plan offices, and if you're going to be on calls all day then you try to find a room/pod or at least love spaces several times during the day so that you don't annoy the same people all day.

Headphones can make your voice louder because you can't hear yourself. This is certainly true for me! And it's more distracting than two colleagues having a chat because there's no sound for ages and the you suddenly say something random with no context. That's more distracting than two people at the adjacent seat chatting through a budget because you can tune it out or listen in at your pleasure!

redribbonrose · 19/10/2023 19:07

In the old days (2019), there’s no way you would hold an all day meeting in that shared space . Why is this online meeting different?

that would drive me INSANE

WrongSwanson · 19/10/2023 19:11

redribbonrose · 19/10/2023 19:07

In the old days (2019), there’s no way you would hold an all day meeting in that shared space . Why is this online meeting different?

that would drive me INSANE

Agreed, if people tried to have long face to face meetings at their desks they were given reminders to book a room /go to a breakout area. The same principle should apply to teams meetings

vernatheraven · 19/10/2023 19:12

Hope you have had a nicer day today op x

CountessWindyBottom · 19/10/2023 19:34

I think he handled it delicately, it sounds like it was really disruptive and I don’t think it has anything to do with you being a woman.

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 19/10/2023 19:50

He is right actually.
It’s just common sense

Mumof3confused · 19/10/2023 20:02

I think he has a point. Surely the office you’re in has a space for making calls?