To think 2 x full-time parents and no family support is quite unusual?

[bluepurpleangel]

I have read a lot of threads on MN recently where juggling life, work, childcare etc with both parents working full time and no family support seems to be the norm.

Is this really a reflection of real life? Thinking of people I know with younger children (say primary age or younger), I don’t think I know many two-parent families at all in this situation. In the vast majority of cases at least one parent works part-time and I also know quite a lot of families with a SAH parent.

Of those families where both parents work full time, they usually have some grandparent support with childcare or school pick ups etc.

Just seems a really sharp contrast to the situations I seem to read about on MN. Are my circles unusual or do others also find that 2 x FT working parents juggling everything on their own is quite rare?

This is us but we are definitely in the minority where we are. Most families have some help and/or 1 parent is at home or part-time.
I am extremely envious and pretty exhausted.

This is the other thing that always makes me wonder. It would have been lovely, obviously, to have had extended family on the doorstep when my children were small - but when I read on here about people who have never left home, and who are still in the same tiny 'family and school friends' circle, it makes me curl up inside.

Much as I would have loved to have had family around, another even bigger part of me knows that I would have gone insane if I'd 'gone back home' after university.

Relatively few people get no family support at all, but a couple.of days picking up from nursery, or babysitting for a weekend is very different to regular full time childcare.

We both worked FT, we used FT nursery and/or childminders prgressing to after school club etc. OHs mum would babysit for nights out etc, my mum would do any last minute pick ups drop offs or appointments where I couldn't get time off.

Our childcare bill was just less than my monthly salary but more than our mortgage, but long term SAHM would have been far worse off financially.

Where we live it's a pretty good mix. Some families one parent is VERY well paid so the other doesn't need to work, others compromise and one parent works PT, others like us juggle, with varying amounts of family support

We both work full time and have no local family support. I'd agree that it's unusual though, I am the only one of my 'mum friends' that works full time.

I live in London and would say it is the norm amongst people I know.

We both work f/t and have no family support - our families live 3+ hours away in different directions. It is a logistical nightmare and I’m jealous of the families at nursery who clearly have close support. It’s really brought home to me that we don’t have anyone who can casually pick up our child if our trains are delayed etc and that responsibility is hard. I’m the main breadwinner but it does hold
me back when going for jobs, because I know I realistically can’t do the hours/travel commitments that I really ought to do to get to the next level.

This is us. Both work full time and don’t have any family support. Nearest relative is 2 hours away. Find it very tough but there’s no obvious solution for us

I'm a solo parent working full time. Family live over 300 miles away. I manage to keep the plates spinning just about.

My DH and I were working full time with two small kids and no family support. I have just quit with plans to go part time as I found it overwhelming and was heading towards a burnout trying to juggle it all. There are a few parents I know who work full time but all have family support as in siblings or grandparents who help out.

DH worked full time and I worked 4 days (4 full days so not early pickup/late dropoff) when we had just DS. No family support nearby. If I travelled for work we had to get a babysitter to pick up DS from nursery as they didn't finish late enough for DH to get there.

No, not unusual at all

I can’t think of a single friend or colleague who’s in the situation you describe. Most people either have 1 part-time parent or family/grandparent help. Most have both. Although, I do have 1 friend who is planning to go back full time next year (children will be 12 and 9) and will be in this situation. But her dh works from home so does have some flexibility to help.

We are also two full time workers with no family support.

It was my situation when DS was born. My DM died a few years before DS was born and DF died when he was 3mnths old.
MIL told me that she didn’t feel that grandparents doing childcare worked. This was after looking after Dnephew pretty much from birth for 4-5days a week and any other opportunity my SIL could dump him on her. I think, because I hadn’t asked her to do the same for us, it was a passive aggressive comment. I had seen first hand how SIL ( her DIL) had taken the piss and I didn’t think it was fare. I was more comfortable using professional childcare , because MIL has a history of gaslighting with us and I didn’t need to be beholden to her. I was self employed with my own business and staff so childcare had to be 100% reliable. I also was prepared to take time off when DS was ill, fortunately he enjoyed almost perfect health. He’s just finished school this year (now 19) and I can count on one hand the number of days off sick he has had in 14 years.
My close family do not live locally and DH’s family have never been that bothered with DS. He is much closer to my nieces than he is to his cousins on DH’s side.
So yes, we pretty much did it all while working full time.
MIL did babysit from time to time but it was always “ to help us out”.
In hindsight I’m glad we did it ourselves. MIL’s involvement with DS’s cousins didn’t end well. That’s a whole other story.

We are - 2 parents, both sets of grandparents overseas.

In my zone 2 London NCT group, 3 became SAHMs, 2 went part time (including me) and 3 went back full time. I personally think that most people could work part time if they wanted, even if it meant downsizing or going without. We lived in a one bedroom flat until my daughter was two, which was worth it for me to spend more time with her.

Oh and only 2/8 had family near!

We both work f/t, have 2 primary aged children and no family nearby to help.

my dad lives near us but he’s very unwell and not mobile, he can’t help at all sadly.

DHs family live an hour away but work. Will do the odd night of babysitting for special occasions if booked in advance but not able to do schools runs etc.

both kids go to after school club every day and holidays are a mix of annual leave, holiday clubs and time with grandma (she takes leave to help us out).

We are both full time. I hesitate to say ‘no support’ as we do have family who live an hour away and are happy to help out if we have an emergency or want to have a night out/day away as a couple every now and then. But the day to day stuff we do on our own with the help of paid childcare. We are not so well off that going part time is an option but are well enough paid that it’s not all eaten up by childcare. We have 3 kids and it’s totally manageable and we have a lovely life and can afford treats and the odd holiday (not usually abroad).

Two working parents, three kids and no family support. I always think people with family support must be significantly richer than me as I’ve spent tens of thousands on childcare over the years.

Both full time and no family within 3 hours drive of us.

It won’t necessarily be a matter of choice either.

There will be some in very well paying jobs where parents can afford paid childcare so both can work FT, or can get along fine on one great wage.

There will be others in very low paying work where they actually can’t afford the childcare for them both to work FT so one will go PT or leave work all together.

Others will be be both working FT but because family support is free - they couldn’t afford the childcare costs otherwise.

Then there will be others who just scrape by with no family help. They can’t afford to not have both FT due to financial commitments or career implications. They are exhausted, juggling constantly, taking advantage of WFH wherever possible so they can do a school run, taking it in turns across the week who does pick up and drop off, using paid childcare when unavoidable and basically burning out from the short term stress of it but hanging on for the long term benefit once the kids are older.

Full time working parents and no support here.

DC are doing A Levels. In the whole of their school life we had someone pick them up three times. Mostly we paid for before and after school clubs. Thank feck that school is almost behind us, it has been tough.

ILs look after SILs DC at school and babysitting. They are taken advantage of and we would not add to that.

My DC are the youngest fo a big family. My own DPs were exhausted from looking after 2 of my siblings DC. They never looked after mine.

Very normal in London. Most families I know consist of 2 FT working parents and no family nearby.

Not in my circle or colleagues either, most mums work part time and have some kind of family support.