To think 2 x full-time parents and no family support is quite unusual?

[bluepurpleangel]

I have read a lot of threads on MN recently where juggling life, work, childcare etc with both parents working full time and no family support seems to be the norm.

Is this really a reflection of real life? Thinking of people I know with younger children (say primary age or younger), I don’t think I know many two-parent families at all in this situation. In the vast majority of cases at least one parent works part-time and I also know quite a lot of families with a SAH parent.

Of those families where both parents work full time, they usually have some grandparent support with childcare or school pick ups etc.

Just seems a really sharp contrast to the situations I seem to read about on MN. Are my circles unusual or do others also find that 2 x FT working parents juggling everything on their own is quite rare?

It’s unusual around here too OP.

Im one of the part time mums and whilst I feel
lucky to have had that option, and to have a very flexible role that I still love - it was also a case of needs must really. DH’s parents I’m sure would have provided more support had they been a bit younger, but whilst they were willing to try a bit when I first went back to work it was clear quite quickly it was too much for them and not reliable enough for what I needed so no ‘support’ in terms of regular childcare there. Though they would watch her if I had an appointment and couldn’t get cover elsewhere for example, or in an emergency. My parents are dead, I have an older siblings and grown up nieces with children of their own who have occasionally babysat.

I think we have less family support/ help than most families we know - almost every other parent I’m friends with has more regular childcare if not ALL their childcare provided by other family members - but we certainly do have some, and more than seems common on mumsnet. I do feel we are lucky - although there were also some pretty deliberate decisions made to allow us to be near family (having lived much further away in the past) and allow us to be able to afford me being part time. (Going forward I will be increasing my hours, whilst DH is looking at reducing or condensing his).

Depends on your background. I live near family and friends and it's a norm in my culture for relatives who can to help out with childcare for those who need it. That might mean we all tend to provide childcare for a few family units who need it most and others get none.

For instance, I am blessed with family support. My sister has 5 kids and 3 grandkids. She's always needed more help with childcare than I have from our parents, partly because I also have the support of partner's family. There are times when I have my sister's kids or her grandkids and my own kids and stepkids are with other family.

We are a family with 2 FT working parents and no family support. Family live very close but only provide childcare when it's an emergency. Such as when I was hospitalised overnight or when I was giving birth to my youngest.

Of my siblings, one has no kids, one works full time but partner works part time around this (with a lot of family support) Other sibling works part time whilst partner works full time.

Those I know from nursery generally aren't working, but I think that's because it's open short hours only (I work in the evening to collect kids at 3)

Those I know outside of nursery are generally two working parents, but not both FT or only one parent working, usually with some family support.

This is my situation. We both work full time and we have no family locally. One set is 30 minutes away and the other 2 hours away. No grandparents or other family members do any pick ups for us at all. I think we’re quite unusual at my son’s school - definitely in a minority - but we are far from the only ones living like this.

My sister and her husband have both always worked full-time. They live in Ireland. My parents were in the US for the first 6 years and are now 3 hours away. His parents have both passed away. I'm in England, as is my other sister. His brother is in Canada. Now the children are older they spend holidays with my parents when the children want to but they were on their own for years when childcare was at its most expensive.

Same with us too, we both work full time although I don't work most of the school holidays which helps tremendously. The grandparents are 2.5+ hrs away so they haven't done any childcare for us.

DH now has a chronic health condition which means all the ferrying around of kids falls to me. If I'm not available, then they can't go. Of course if the grandparents were closer they would happily do a random trip if we were stuck. I would be so grateful of family support right now.

On the plus side, we're two years away from having children who no longer require wraparound care or holiday clubs.

Edited to add that it's a mix in our city. Lots of people who've moved here; refugees, uni students who've stayed etc, but also lots of people who've lived here all their lives.

Full time with no support here. Closest friends are in the same boat. I am envious of school mums whose parents are around a lot to help out with childcare. I think children really benefit from that close relationship with grandparents.

This is us but we were in the minority at school as most did seem to have family support whereas my parents were 4 hours away and brother in Canada.

We do this. Both work full time and have two under-5s with no family support. It's bloody exhausting and I am on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

Hello, this is us

Good for you, but there is no way I would want to live in the area I grew up in - if you like where you are from and you can fulfil all your life’s ambitions plus find your soul mate there then you must be from somewhere really amazing :)

Also both full time with no support. GPs live 5 hours away and don't like to drive, no other family.

We cope by DH doing compressed hours and me working my full time hours flexibly around school hours so on my days with the dc I wake early to work, get them to school, work during school hours, look after them from 3-7 and then back to work when they're in bed.

We both work full time in high pressure, mid pay jobs. My family is closest being a 2 hour motorway drive away, DHs family is over 6 hours away and haven't met our DD yet. We have zero family support or friend network locally.

Everyone at our DDs nursery who we have chatted with is in a similar situation.

I feel you are very fortunate.

In my local friendship group the majority of us work full time and have no family support on hand. It could be self selection, so we have chosen friends in a similar situation to ourselves. This is a city.

Where I grew up (semi rural for what it’s worth) this would be unusual. The vast majority of people don’t move far from family and so have grandparents on hand to help out.

We both work
Full time and have never had any family support. It's not that unusual
In this day and age when it's the norm for people to move away from their families for work etc

It was rare 10 years ago, vast majority had at least one parent at home/working pt, remainder had parental help bar a couple of kids picked up by child minders - no after school care on site until the final year of my youngest. Obviously you don't see the full time parents but there was hundreds picking up their kids

I was in midlands and pay simply isn't high enough to pay for childcare for 2 kids

It’s our reality and the reality of many

Nope, no support here. My mum died 10 years ago and I moved to a completely different city 20 years ago anyway. My dad lives over 3 hours away and has done for 20 odd years. My husband's mum died when he was a kid. His dad died last year and although lived relatively close (2-3 miles).he wasn't physically capable of child care.

I've never lived near extended family, and my brothers and I all persued careers in different parts of the country after university. My husband has moved around loads before settling down. So I guess it's only unusual if you chose to stay near family, and you have family still around who csn help.

I am envious of friends who have family who live locally thar can help out.

Both work full time (teacher & nurse so can be stupid hours) with family help for childcare on a Monday - but that’s it. Full time nursery the rest of the week and prayers to the sick gods that she doesn’t catch anything!

I'm in London in a professional role and it's very uncommon in my circles.

Unfortunately I'm one of the rare families with both full time and zero family support.

But all my close friends (people I've known since I was a kid) have either one parent part time and/or grandparents regularly involved.

Of the friends I've made recently, since moving to my current area and having kids, I can only think of 3 families in my position. And I probably know about 30 pr so families locally.

Of course there are probably more families in my area in my position, but we're too busy to have met each other!

We both work FT and have no family support nearby (both of our families each live in a different country to the one we live in). Our children are 8mo and nearly 5yo. Family can help for big occasions but are definitely not able to pop over regularly.
Most of our son’s friends’ parents also work FT. I think the difference though is that quite a few WFH so even if it’s FT hours they have flexibility for school runs etc. My husband normally does all the drop offs and I do all the pick ups so it’s quite neat in that respect. However, he has to travel regularly for work so I often have to find ways to pick up the slack (e.g. by hiring babysitters) and my working hours are not flexible at all (I’m a teacher in a secondary school and often in class teaching from 8.30am to 4.35pm). So I don’t think it’s that uncommon and FT working parents, even without family support, just find ways to make it work and get on with it, whether it’s by paying for external help (regularly or on occasion) or by (in our case) making convenience king (so e.g. our youngest son’s crèche is under 10 minutes’ walk away, the eldest’s school is less than 15 minutes’ walk away - albeit in the opposite direction! -, my husband’s office is 5 minutes’ walk from crèche, all amenities - doctor, supermarket etc - are within 10 minutes’ walk, and my work is a mere 25 minute bike ride away).

Both workers here with no family support.....

We’ve both worked FT, and when kids were young DH was away a lot (military). No family help at all. We had an au pair, FT nursery, and it was extremely expensive.

I’m from Liverpool - it’s a lovely place to live I think (despite the obvious connotations and stereotypes) 😂😂 has the best of both worlds. Very few people seem to leave in order to stay close to their families. I’ve known people to go travelling etc but they always tend to come back when they want kids.