To find school expectations infuriating for working parents?

[JustARegularPoster]

I'm not very well, so I might be being overly sensitive, but my children's school is driving me bonkers with their expectations that parents can drop everything to attend events in the middle of the day.

Are all schools like this?

I know there is probably no answer to this, but the repeated reminders and the "we strongly recommend that all parents make every effort to attend", just makes me feel awful when I can't attend due to... well... working. I only work PT as well, so if something falls on my day off then I will obviously attend, it must be even more of a nightmare for parents that work FT.

The latest of these is an event at 1:45pm on a day I work - and for this one they got my oldest child to hand-write me an invitation, which he'd very carefully coloured in. And he brought him home and very earnestly asked me if I could attend, which I really can't. I thought getting the children to write invites for their parents seemed particularly unfair - and school must surely realise that a lot of parents work and won't be able to make it.

FWIW I do what I can to attend, even if I am working - I take holiday, ask to WFH if possible, or make time up.... but honestly my employers good will only goes so far and I've reached the point now where I'm out of holiday and don't feel like I can ask yet again.

What does everyone else do?

we ended up with a child prone to health problems. We had to make sure our jobs could handle constant sick days and calls from the school to drop everything and get her to the doctor asap. The occasional school event is really no big deal when added to the mix.

Much happier at a better run school now. It is possible! People are too accepting of low standards IMO.

depends what you call a better run school.
Being given more than 24 or 12h warning, absolutely. The lack of notice is inconvenient for everyone.

Organising events during school hours? Sounds reasonable, it's in a school, for school children. Imagine the uproar if they were done at weekends, or evenings

Think about your audience and the event and the best way to engage parents. Why anyone thinks a midday event, or even an evening one for this type of thing is any good for either parents or school staff is beyond me.

There are many ways to engage and deliver a generic message like this effectively.

Attempting to guilt trip parents into going through emotional blackmail through their children is ridiculous and shows very restricted awareness, consideration or imagination from a professional workforce (the school and the external company).

Why would you assume that? I get 5 weeks leave, not 12. I think if I got 12 weeks off I would expect to do some work in the time, yes. Look, I know teaching has some limitations, like most jobs. You have no flexibility during term time, but lots of leave to compensate for that. I have a lot less leave but more flexibility at work. Them's the breaks.
I don't really want to hijack this thread, but I can't stop myself when I see a hint of 'teachers have the worst job in the world' mentality starting to appear, which it is here.

It's worth thinking around whether you have a neighbour or family friend who might be willing to stand in for you for these events. One of our local childminders was brilliant at turning up for all the special assemblies and sports days for her after-school kids, with her younger charges in tow.

@JustARegularPoster
Teaching your children to write a proper invitation is not an exercise intended to guilt trip you. You forget that many teachers are parents as well, and they too cannot leave in the middle of a school day to attend events for their own children.

Those children fortunate enough to have 2 engaged parents may have at least 1 parent to attend, others may have grandparents who can attend. Many children will have no one who can attend, and unfortunately, some children will have parents who are able to attend but simply cannot be bothered to attend.

And before anyone says it, I know teachers are apparently not paid for most of the holidays, although it is conveniently forgotten when pay rears its head that the quoted salaries are for 45 weeks work a year, not the 52 everyone else's is.

Would you prefer evening only invitations, a mixture of both day and evening or simply less invitations?
Simply fewer invitations. I'd like it to be what I expected; parents' evening and nativity and that's it.

We used to get told about during the day school plays a week in advance so I missed two years in a row. Someone brought it up and now they tell us six weeks in advance. But yes, bake sales etc are nearly impossible to make

It's really hard especially if you are in a job where you can't take leave (teacher and shift worker with set holidays)

This is a typical ‘can’t please everyone all of the time’. ( when working in any public role). We can only try our best.

In my experience and generalised.

• Working parents don't want events in the day. This adds to their guilt.
• Single parents don't want events in the evening. Childcare too difficult.
• SAHM parents enjoy events in the day, sometimes they gave up work so that they have the freedom to attend.
• Ofsted expect teachers to work closely with parents.
• Children - we like having our parent see us at school - we are not in school at night.

Teachers….no choice!

@Katypp yes but those weeks are 50-60 hours of work.

Exactly this!

The short notice is just bloody stupid.

I work full time and I'm a widowed parent with only 30 days annual leave per year (which is quite generous for my line of work). I can't cover the school holidays let alone the random, short notice extra days off. Inset days are enough of a shitter.

Schools should expect a backlash from organising ridiculous last minute events.

One stage show OR show and tell max per year and an evening parents evening will do.

Why does there have to be so much entertainment, fairs, parents assemblies, award ceremonies etc in a school? I'd be happier they left parents out of it and spent the extra effort doing something with/for the kids - music? Art? Dance? Drama? I don't need to see little Johnny doing it though.

Ah yes, I remember this from primary school. Having to explain that both parents were hours away from home (sometimes one of us in another country).

They offer events, you attend what you can. Parents complain if nothing is happening, parents complain if it's first thing in the morning, in the school hours or if it's in the evening. School cannot win.

Up to you to be the grown-up and not take everything personally, and explain to your child when you can and can't attend

Agree with this. Whatever they do people will complain about it.

Tell the teacher that the hand-written invitation was not appreciated. Politely explain why.

If the school is inviting you to events that you (and any other working parent) cannot attend, then ask the school what it is doing to extend access for working parents.

I mean, there are solutions. Email the presentation slides. Zoom the meeting and send a recording. It's the school's responsibility.

No point in engaging with posters like that.

@ilovesooty I hear you 😔

Working parents unable easily to take time away from work during the day are more likely to be single parents, those in low income families, for example. Possibly also in jobs where their ability to have time off may be restricted because theirs is a time sensitive job.

I am sure someone if they wished to could argue indirect discrimination of some kind.

When mine attended infants and primary schools ( many years ago ) and a lot of mums didn't work, we hardly had anything like this.

When did it all change?

I have 6 children and in the past I have -

Taken sick days
Used holiday
Worked through lunch and left early
Started late/left early and hoped nobody noticed
Swapped days

If I couldn't do any of those then I'd try and get another relative to attend such as a grandparent or my ex husband (their dad), or in the case of my younger ones an older sibling if they didn't mind.

You aren't going to please everyone but there's no excuse for the short notice thing.

One year, we got 2 days notice of sports day. I asked the head how long they had been planning for it, she said "oh we put them in the diary 6 weeks in advance", I asked why they hadn't sent the date out to parents 6 weeks in advance and she looked a bit sheepish and said she would change it the next year. To her credit, she has.

I'm sure not everyone can go still but with 2 days notice, it was just SAHMs. Now dome working parents can take leave or arrange to WFH that day.

My DC’s school doesn’t just do this at short notice, it has events for both DC (different years) at the same time, so that you either have to miss one, leave early/ be late, or both parents have to come.
makes the child whose one you are late to feel really rubbish

you are being completely ridiculous.

Annual leave is annual leave. Some jobs have better package than others.

Teachers should not have to do any work during annual leave, but as it happens they already do.

I'd love to see your face if someone came to tell you that 5 weeks is actually a lot (it is compared to some countries) so you are expected to do some work

I am a teacher. We all know events during the day are tricky. We host them because we have to (management make us as inspectors expect/demand it). We also host evening events which have such a low turnout it's a waste of our time. Working parents are busy with dinner and bed. Kids don't want to show off learning in the evening. Everyone has clubs.

We can't win. We can only host things and invite people. Handwritten invitations are a terrible idea, I agree. I always talk to my class about how difficult it is for parents to attend events within the school day. Please don't blame us all for the badly thought out actions of a few.

Hosting these events are stressful for teachers and we wouldn't choose to do them; we have to.