To insist my 12-yr old collects nine-yr old from school

[Bigroundpear]

My nine-year-old is in year 5 at a small inner-city state primary a five minute walk from home. School policy is for children to only be able to walk home alone from year 6 which I fully accept (though I don't particularly agree with it).

Last week I let the school know that my 12-year old (who is in secondary school and travelled alone from year 5 for 40 mins each way - different school) would be collecting nine-year-old from school today. School emailed back to refuse because their policy is siblings who collect must be over 14.

I emailed back to say I will be exercising my parental responsibility, that it's up to me what happens to my child outside of school and I will not be there to collect, but my oldest child will. My kids have done this same journey alone together often (school is next to a supermarket they visit together frequently), I have risk-assessed this and feel confident that though of course there are risks, everything that needs to be is in place to prevent them coming to harm. I have prepared both kids for all eventualities with the school today, including that they may call social services (not bothered about this, know SS won't do anything).

I think the school is over stepping the mark, and should release my nine-year-old, however I'm sad I have put office staff in this position.

AIBU?

i’m as to why you are worried? My children were out and about to the shops on their own when they were 11 and 9 together. I knew where they were going (they also could be tracked by a phone). It wasn’t a risky endeavour in an area they knew and it gave them A bit of independence. This must happen all over the country with kids leaving the school but mostly just int their lives when not at school. Once a child is at secondary school generally I would consider them to be able to accompany a primary school age child a short distance. Remember some schools transport the children by coaches home and the school has no idea once they get off the coach how they will be getting home. Certainly I was walking back on my own from age 10 but might have been 9. Obviously it is area dependant whether it is safe but I wouldn’t bat an eyelid about a 12 and a 9 year old walking along a street together.
in my local area I know that some of the children who left last year to go to the local secondary go to pick up their younger siblings from school.

Oh don't be fucking ridiculous

It isn't you who put the office staff in a difficult position. It is the school leadership, who decided they would try to override you by dictating how your child travels to and from school, when that decision is for you to make.

Don't feel bad about it.

If we're going to do scaremongering the only person I know who died in horrific circumstances was 15 (look up Rochelle Holness - may her sweet soul rest in peace).

No, I do not think children in Primary school should be walking home without a responsible adult. Are you at home to meet the children?

SisterMichaelsHabit · Today 14:31

Your 12 year old is old enough to be responsible for themselves, but not old enough to be responsible for another human. Pay for childcare.

Did you miss the bit about regular sitter being on holiday? Never mind you can still stick the boot in to a parent doing their best for their kids.

It's actually 12 year olds that are the most likely to have an rta. This reflects the fact that until then they're mostly with an adult. Then suddenly the dc start secondary and are deemed traffic aware.
Your ds's will have the advantage of being taught road safety by you and are probably at less risk than most.

I agree with the school, you may feel your 12 year old is responsible but it’s unfair to put that responsibility on them.

I completely disagree with you.

The entire point of sending a child to a local primary school near their house is so they can learn to do things like that.

Thanks for this reminder. Kids of this age think they're invincible and need regularly reminding to take care around traffic.

The baby sitter is on holiday and after the school club stops at a friggin' early time of 4.45pm.

Schools now are about the whole child and their well being. No twelve year old is perfectly capable of providing ongoing care for a younger child. It doesn't matter what someone's circumstances are, it doesn't excuse child neglect etc. This isn't your case, but some people would use older children for childcare, if allowed to. It comes under a duty of care. Explain that it isn't permanent and what will be happening once the nine year old is collected. Children can't protect themselves from harm/grooming/make good decisions. The amount of tweens that are being used to cause criminal damage and antisocial behaviour is increasing and it's a lack of supervision by the parents.

No not at home to meet the children. They'll be alone for 45 minutes. This is three times this week, then regular babysitter will be back after half-term, but this option may be an occasional fall-back if she is unavailable again.

Also its an age where risk-taking increases, showing off to friends and suchlike, so younger children who have been trained to cross roads safely and still follow rules much more rigidly are safer than 12 year olds who have just suddenly been granted freedom at an age when they want to impress their mates and mess about on the way home from school.

Massively agree with you about child exploitation being an issue. I am very on-board with being very involved with your children's lives to know where they are and what they're up to and luckily having received in-depth training on CSE as a social worker know what to look out for.

We are fortunate to live in an area with huge numbers of families walking along the same route, our church is on the route home as a safe haven if the kids felt unsafe as are many shops, where we know most shopkeepers by name.

I feel you Op. I recently have gone back to work after taking time off and a career change. The After school club wouldn’t let my eldest (16 years old) pick up my Dc 10 years old, unless I could prove 1st that my eldest was 16 and if I wrote a letter to state that I take full responsibility for my 10 year old once handed over. They are home alone for less than 10mins before I get in and we live opposite the school.

What would social services do?

@HaveANiceFuckingDay you mean SS in your area would have actually bothered to come out? Wow!

This is a parenting decision. Some people will agree, some will disagree, but the only opinion that matters is the that of the parent of the particular 12 year old.

I live on an estate with a primary school, a shop and a small park. They walk home from the start of year 5 here. And as soon as older ones start secondary (11) they are collecting younger siblings on the way home. My year 1 used to love her year 7 brother picking her up because she had him wrapped around her little finger and he'd take her to the park on the way.
Kids play out here from year 1/2 and they knock about together with older siblings so I can't see the difference in them walking back from school together?

I’m with you OP.

I read a thread the other day about the infantilism of teenagers. It’s this kind of stuff that causes it.

I’ve also read plenty of threads about how schools and teachers are overwhelmed because they are now the social service of last resort. Well, prioritise, keep your noses out of stuff like this, and you’ll have a bit more capacity.

Parents should decide what goes on outside of school. If parents want stuff like this to happen, then it should happen. When I was 12 in the 1990s I was getting two cross-town buses on my own to school every day, getting trains alone at weekends to go to football matches etc. 45 minutes looking after a 9 year old? Man alive it’s not like you’re leaving them to go to Magaluf for a fortnight.

Our primary won't let anyone under 18 collect a child for safeguarding reasons. Basically you are letting a child pick up a child regardless, if they take their sibling other places out of school. Schools have a duty of care.

That would be frustrating. At my kids school the bell rings and everyone in year 4 and up just pours out of the school and heads home. It is up to their parents to either pick them up (very few do) or they walk or bike - alone or with friends or siblings. My 9 year old walks home with other 9-10 year old friends. Her 12 year old brother is at a different school this year. He bikes home and gets home about 10 minutes after she does. Sometimes the 9 year old stays outside playing with friends, sometimes she comes inside. They get themselves snacks if they want, and play. As long as they have been parented to have the age appropriate indepedence skills, they can be responsible with that independence. It is all what they are taught.

We have a middle school here for Year 5 to 8. No one checks to see who they walk home with or how they got home. I believe that most of them have mobile phones with trackers There doesn’t appear to be any problems. I would ask the school to show you what law they are basing their ridiculous policy on

I use to collect my younger sister from school when i was about 12/13 (this was in the 90's so schools weren't so strict with their policies back then)
I had bit of a shorter journey though
20 minute walk from my school to hers
then another 20 minutes walk home
mum was back from work within the hour
we survived.