To insist my 12-yr old collects nine-yr old from school

[Bigroundpear]

My nine-year-old is in year 5 at a small inner-city state primary a five minute walk from home. School policy is for children to only be able to walk home alone from year 6 which I fully accept (though I don't particularly agree with it).

Last week I let the school know that my 12-year old (who is in secondary school and travelled alone from year 5 for 40 mins each way - different school) would be collecting nine-year-old from school today. School emailed back to refuse because their policy is siblings who collect must be over 14.

I emailed back to say I will be exercising my parental responsibility, that it's up to me what happens to my child outside of school and I will not be there to collect, but my oldest child will. My kids have done this same journey alone together often (school is next to a supermarket they visit together frequently), I have risk-assessed this and feel confident that though of course there are risks, everything that needs to be is in place to prevent them coming to harm. I have prepared both kids for all eventualities with the school today, including that they may call social services (not bothered about this, know SS won't do anything).

I think the school is over stepping the mark, and should release my nine-year-old, however I'm sad I have put office staff in this position.

AIBU?

@greglet yes - one is not really in charge, they’re both responsible. It’s weird that if I was saying my nine yr old was walking home alone, some posters think that’s better because it’s not putting a 12 yr old in charge. But the 12 yr old isn’t in charge - I am. If the kids need anything out of the ordinary they would phone me. If they want a few biscuits they can just get on with it.

I’m a teacher. I’m with you. My kids go to my school but my 6yo collected her 4yo brother from the class to bring him to me today. Granted they were two classrooms away but independence has to start somewhere.

I have kids in my class whom are allowed to walk home (Y3 and Y4) - some I wouldn’t personally trust as can barely cross a road safely with adult support - but we have permission and once they’ve left me (with warnings of being sensible etc) they’re no longer my responsibility.

Y6 is a bit late and the year after they’re bussing along etc, independence needs to be supported earlier on.

I haven’t read all the messages but in England I thought it is illegal to leave a child in the care of someone that is under 14. I read up on it as I have a 13yo and a 4yo and wondered when the oldest would be able to babysit. You would have more authority to say you trust your yr5 to walk home alone tbh.

As a Head Teacher and a single working parent I can appreciate both sides of this discussion.

In my school, we would allow a parent to give written permission for someone to collect who was ‘outside’ our own school collection policy. Could you suggest this to your school perhaps? The school does have duty to ensure your child is collected safely, but giving written, signed permission may reassure the Head Teacher.

I was thinking about this again, and at ds' school they only released a child to a parent until Y2, once they moved over to the juniors in Y3, they released them to the playground, so in effect a child could go home by themselves (even though the school policy was they should be collected until Easter of Y5 - but kids at secondary could pick up). So does the OP's school still insist on releasing a child to a parent/designated adult until they are 10?

There are no rules about how old someone has to be to look after a child. Again, that is NSPCC guidance and not law.

No there are no laws about this.

I think I'd stick with the paid help until year 6 if you have the option, in the name of conflict resolution. I am quite ready to challenge, but challenging where there is an alternative also doesn't set a great example in my opinion. And I certainly wouldn't let Social Services be involved where it's unnecessary, once they've been alerted...well that needs to be part of your risk assessment too.

Ah, just seen your resolution and also that you were a social worker yourself. So you know the system...I would just say I have friends who were high up in social work and have been targeted by overly power crazy SS staff by trying to assert her knowledge and understanding of how things should work. So I think I'd still err on the side of caution, particularly with them being home alone for a period of time.
I get that your boys are mature and well balanced, but could it be that some over zealous school staff might now look for a way to 'get even'?
That's just the way I'd be thinking, but I expect you've probably thought all this through.

That's a bit miserable wondering when the eldest can babysit for you. Your child is your responsibility you can't just palm them off to the oldest one when they're old enough

I think that’s unfair. Being a part of a family sometimes means pulling together. I know my family benefits because we all work together. Whether that is the odd bit of baby sitting, tidying up in the house, helping out in the garden.

Are no primary kids allowed to walk home on their own any more? Is this a thing now? Are siblings at primary school not allowed to walk home together without a parent ?

Good lord, in Sydney about 3/4 of the year were getting public transport home from year 3 (age 8). My two walked half a mile to the bus and then got the bus home when they were 8 and 11 together and my 11 year old on their own regularly.

No there is no law. I would happily leave my 12 and 10 year old home alone for an hour or so and now they’re 13 and 11 I’ll leave them for longer.
Depends on your 4 year old though, as mine are closer in age it’s easier as they’re more predictable.

They can once they are 10/11 in most schools.

Younger than that the parents I know have had to fight to ensure the school allows it.

Biggest joke is some of the kids don't have to cross any roads at all, or some are twins/siblings close in age and there are no main/busy roads to cross.

There's a difference between mucking in with household chores (which I agree everyone should do, age appropriately, ie I wouldn't have a 6 year old mow the lawn but they can load a washing machine) and being responsible for a young child.

The thing is school have no way of making rules based on how far your house is from school/ how long your child will be alone for. There are mature year 5 (even younger) who will be fine and immature who won’t be. I’d just ask another parent to be the designated adult to ‘pick up’ and then let your older sibling walk them home from outside the school gate.

School rules re pick up are meaningless it's shocking parents don't realise this.

It's not just your school. My kids school has the exact same policy in place. It's there for a reason. To keep kids safe.

If people would read the read - the issue is resolved. The school have confirmed that the elder brother can collect his younger brother.

My kids starting walking home with a same year friend in Yr 5 about 2007 for about 1 mile. School is over-stepping

This is why MN should enable a close thread feature.

You're lucky they have a school policy at only 14. Our school is 16. No teacher will allow a child to leave with anyone below their age limit, ajd this is something they will stand by. If you don't like the rules that schools set, perhaps home school your child.

Send them this

Again, they can not enforce that.

In all honesty, I'm on the fence about this. I trust my kids. I don't trust other people/ strangers. What if the children are followed home? Wether they had a phone or not; police or help wouldn't arrive in time. What if someone was inappropriate with them. For me I'd feel it was a risk.

Personally for my children I'd rather put them in after school care