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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel our DS's birthday party?

111 replies

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:08

Our boy will turn 4 in a week. I have the invitations to nursery for them to hand out and I think people haven't checked their kids' bags. My husband thinks they're just waiting to know about their plans.

Out of 8 invitations only 2 have confirmed and 2 have said they can't make it. My husband is of the idea that we should cancel if we don't get to 3. I tend to agree as I think otherwise it would make things awkward.

We're not the best at social situations and we know our son doesn't really play/have friends so we know he won't know any difference. I feel bad he won't have a party, but my husband doesn't see the big deal as he never had one.

The plan was to just have them children at home and have a few activities for them to do. That worked last year!

OP posts:
Totaly · 15/10/2023 07:10

It doesn’t matter if it’s two kids or 10 kids. You child will have someone to play with for a couple of hours. We’ve done similar for ours. I know it feels like a slap in the face for you, but he’ll have a nice time and it’s something to get excited about. Let him have his tea party.

35and3 · 15/10/2023 07:10

I'd message them and say "hopefully you can come next week at name's party, it would be lovely to see you"

Letsgotitans · 15/10/2023 07:11

I don't see why having 2 children over would be awkward when 3 wouldn't? I'd just have the two children over, have a nice time and use it as an opportunity to work on building some friendships.

UndercoverCop · 15/10/2023 07:12

What was the plan? Will the activity not work with just the two friends?
TBH we are getting invitations nearly every weekend (reception all class parties wait until next year!) , we started off saying yes but I can't give half of my weekend time off to sit at another soft play, it's no reflection on the child. DSs is coming up in a couple of months, we will invite the class of 30 but expect 10/12. Do you have any friends with children of family children to add numbers?

Butterflyworms · 15/10/2023 07:13

I'd only cancel it if I was going to loose a deposit. What have you got to loose since it's at home? Since you're not very sociable it will be even better that it will just be a few of you. Easier to chat to people. Go ahead with it, it will be fun.

JustMarriedBecca · 15/10/2023 07:14

It's half term next week. People will have plans if they have older kids i'd have thought.
It's rude not to confirm either way.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 15/10/2023 07:14

Don’t punish those who’ve been considerate to respond and are making the effort to come. How disrespectful to them to tell them they’re not good enough so you’re canceling .

nutbrownhare15 · 15/10/2023 07:14

Your plans with 2 kids is fine (3 with your son) and you might get more. I don't think you should cancel.

RedRobin100 · 15/10/2023 07:14

Two kids will be fine. Relax your expectations of a “party” and call it a birthday play date? That would take the pressure off and still let your son have company for a couple hours.
you could even move it to like a soft play or something (and I don’t mean booking out a party room) so it feels like more of an event than just being in the house?

PandoraBox2 · 15/10/2023 07:14

Can you not invite family too? In that case there will be more people. Please don’t cancel as it’s not nice for your little one.

hope he has an amazing party!

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:15

35and3 · 15/10/2023 07:10

I'd message them and say "hopefully you can come next week at name's party, it would be lovely to see you"

The problem is that I know the children, nor their mothers, otherwise I would have just texted them a Canva invite

OP posts:
RedRobin100 · 15/10/2023 07:15

To add to above - if you have only sent invitations out without other contact you could ask the nursery for the parents’ phone numbers and follow up with a message. That’s what we did and it worked well.

PurpleFlower1983 · 15/10/2023 07:15

You probably should have handed out a few more knowing that many might not make it.

Fivebyfive2 · 15/10/2023 07:15

My son turns 4 in Dec and is usually quite solitary at nursery but there are 2 kids he does play with/feels comfortable being around. We've invited those 2 and our next door neighbours kid who is the same age and he chats to over the fence. Just 2 hours, balloons, pizza, cake and something like decorating biscuits and musical statues.

You don't need to cancel, in fact if you're not particularly extroverted a smaller number could work better? Less overwhelming with numbers, a bit cheaper and your son will probably buzz off having a little party.

RedRobin100 · 15/10/2023 07:17

The nursery will Obviosuly ask the parents first if they’re happy for you to get their number..

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:21

PurpleFlower1983 · 15/10/2023 07:15

You probably should have handed out a few more knowing that many might not make it.

Last year we handed out the same number and 4-5 came. A few years ago, for my DDs party we handed out 12, expecting 8 and all 12 confirmed!

We don't have friends nor family with kids that age. So it's just those 2. If that's the case I think I might rethink it and create an "afternoon tea" for the three of them.

Last year we only had a cardboard wendy house, mega blocks and something on the TV and that worked!

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 15/10/2023 07:23

@JustMarriedBecca Depends where you are, our half term starts 23rd October

JMSA · 15/10/2023 07:24

Why on earth would you cancel?
It's even easier with just a few kids Confused
Knowing that you are socially awkward, you should be actively encouraging him to have friends.

Sailawaytocromer · 15/10/2023 07:25

The other 4 probably haven’t seen the invitations! You need to ask bursary to send a message on your behalf - or point out the parents to you.

However, yes, next week is half term so lots of people will be away if they have older children.

We very rarely get paper invitations any more - almost always done by WhatsApp or a party app. Children lose bits of paper and parents often don’t check bags I’m afraid.

margotrose · 15/10/2023 07:26

I don't get the logic of three being okay but two being embarrassing Confused

Just let your little boy have his friends over.

Sailawaytocromer · 15/10/2023 07:26

I also wouldn’t cancel. The two children who have replied and are able to come might well have organised that day around the party. Not really fair to cancel. At age 4, just a few friends is absolutely fine for a party.

MrsElsa · 15/10/2023 07:27

Don't cancel! DS will be so happy to have some kids round for play and cake. Doesn't have to last all day either. Usually 2 hours is plenty at that age.

Sunflower2222 · 15/10/2023 07:29

And don’t forget that those who haven’t replied could still turn up! (It’s rude but it happens)

MsChatterbox · 15/10/2023 07:29

Don't cancel. Your son will have a good time with whoever comes. The two children have probably been told about it and will be excited.

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:32

Sailawaytocromer · 15/10/2023 07:25

The other 4 probably haven’t seen the invitations! You need to ask bursary to send a message on your behalf - or point out the parents to you.

However, yes, next week is half term so lots of people will be away if they have older children.

We very rarely get paper invitations any more - almost always done by WhatsApp or a party app. Children lose bits of paper and parents often don’t check bags I’m afraid.

I've told nursery like 3 times if they could remind/send a message (there's an app) but they've been NO help.

Half term is the following week over here.

I've always 2 is borderline OK, my DH is the one who thinks it's more of a playdate than a party.

We work better with bigger crowds than smaller ones, which is why we're both a bit anxious.

OP posts:
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