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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel our DS's birthday party?

111 replies

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:08

Our boy will turn 4 in a week. I have the invitations to nursery for them to hand out and I think people haven't checked their kids' bags. My husband thinks they're just waiting to know about their plans.

Out of 8 invitations only 2 have confirmed and 2 have said they can't make it. My husband is of the idea that we should cancel if we don't get to 3. I tend to agree as I think otherwise it would make things awkward.

We're not the best at social situations and we know our son doesn't really play/have friends so we know he won't know any difference. I feel bad he won't have a party, but my husband doesn't see the big deal as he never had one.

The plan was to just have them children at home and have a few activities for them to do. That worked last year!

OP posts:
Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 10:01

zurala · 15/10/2023 09:58

It sounds to me like you and your DH just can't be bothered to organise a decent party so you want to cancel. You need to suck it up and organise something decent - we always used to put out lots of garden toys and a mini bouncy castle (we bought one which was well used over the years).
Surely it's only two hours? It will fly past especially with some food. Just get on with it.
If you need ideas for activities Google is your friend. I would think some easy crafts would go down well.

I've organised plenty of parties and I know my son. We've just had a chat and we'll do a teddy bear picnic with our doggo being the "head teddy bear".

OP posts:
nobleisle · 15/10/2023 10:02

A teddy bear picnic with 2/3 kids sounds perfect I don't really know why you're cancelling

margotrose · 15/10/2023 10:03

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 10:01

I've organised plenty of parties and I know my son. We've just had a chat and we'll do a teddy bear picnic with our doggo being the "head teddy bear".

Show quote history

Then why did you organise a party with nursery friends in the first place? Confused

It really does seem like you can't be arsed and that you'd made up your mind before you even started this thread. I feel sorry for the other children who were looking forward to a party.

TheChristianArab · 15/10/2023 10:03

Do you have any non-nursery friends who you can invite? Even if the kids are slightly older or younger?

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 10:09

nobleisle · 15/10/2023 10:02

A teddy bear picnic with 2/3 kids sounds perfect I don't really know why you're cancelling

Yes, that's the new plan!

So I'll let the two that have confirmed to bring their teddies.

I'll get them a BPA free tea set and they can have fun that way. I'll also buy some of those Lego bracelets so that can be another activity.

OP posts:
stiffstink · 15/10/2023 10:09

How many named invitations were actually sent into nursery OP? You said you've had 2 yes, 2 no and silence from the rest, but are these 4 the blank invitations you mention upthread?

Why didn't you ask DS or nursery for the names of other children to be able to address the invitations rather than send in blanks? If we received an invitation that didn't specify a name I'd be bolshy enough to send a text to check with the party parent, but others might not.

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 10:15

stiffstink · 15/10/2023 10:09

How many named invitations were actually sent into nursery OP? You said you've had 2 yes, 2 no and silence from the rest, but are these 4 the blank invitations you mention upthread?

Why didn't you ask DS or nursery for the names of other children to be able to address the invitations rather than send in blanks? If we received an invitation that didn't specify a name I'd be bolshy enough to send a text to check with the party parent, but others might not.

Oddly enough the two confirmed were from the blank ones (and we only sent three of those).

OP posts:
nobleisle · 15/10/2023 10:28

Sounds perfect!

cestlavielife · 15/10/2023 10:30

Small parties at that age are the best. Much less overwhelming for your child and you. Dont cancel

curaçao · 15/10/2023 10:33

Its half term so th hey wont want to commit until close to the time .You will get liads responding at the 11th hour

Nn9011 · 15/10/2023 10:51

Just be careful there are a lot of people who will not RSVP but just show up. A family member threw a party recently and 3 non responses showed up expecting to be able to attend. Thankfully she could pay on the day as there was enough spaces but could have been a disaster otherwise.

Jibo · 15/10/2023 10:59

Can you not lurk at nursery pickup/drop off and talk to the other parents in person?

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 11:02

Jibo · 15/10/2023 10:59

Can you not lurk at nursery pickup/drop off and talk to the other parents in person?

I don't know anyone. The only one I know has said they can't come.

OP posts:
ThomasinaLivesHere · 15/10/2023 11:02

Teddy bears picnic sounds good. Although like others say you may get more than those who rsvp and so maybe have spare teddies for them? As they might not know new plans.

Chasingup · 15/10/2023 11:37

At my DS party in August, 4 didn’t reply so I presumed they weren’t coming but then they just turned up! Luckily I bought extra food and party bags just incase. Then one parent responded the night before then one even replied the morning of the party

Sunplant · 15/10/2023 11:40

If you are just having the party at home I would go ahead, having two friends over for a birthday tea sounds perfect to be honest

DinnaeFashYersel · 15/10/2023 12:17

Your DH +2 will be great. Don't cancel. You've not paid for a soft play party or anything like that and at age 4 as long as there is someone to play with and cake your child will have a great time.

DinnaeFashYersel · 15/10/2023 12:18

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 08:07

Something I've forgotten to mention (and probably is one of the reasons to cancel).

Is that our son seems indifferent to other children. He plays alongside but not WITH them (if that makes sense).

We've taken him to two birthday parties and he refused to play with other children.

And as we don't know if he's "friendly" with these two, we don't know how he'll react.

That's completely normal behaviour at age 4.

Jibo · 15/10/2023 12:38

Forgot to include the quote

Jibo · 15/10/2023 12:39

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 11:02

I don't know anyone. The only one I know has said they can't come.

Show quote history

Right but can't you just go there and ask the nursery staff to point out the parents of the kids you've invited?

Coolbeans2 · 15/10/2023 12:52

We don't have friends nor family with kids that age. So it's just those 2. If that's the case I think I might rethink it and create an "afternoon tea" for the three of them.

This sounds ideal! ☺️
Try to find out if more intend to come, but then create an afternoon tea afternoon with toys to play with and some little interactive activities and it will work out well. 4 year olds will be happy playing!

mollyfolk · 15/10/2023 12:55

I think I’d stick another invite in their bags. I would personally not find an invite in a bag for weeks! But it’s fine to have the two. I definitely wouldn’t cancel. If he is struggling socially it would help him and give you an opportunity for building a relationship with the parents so you can organise more things to work on his skills.

TheGriffle · 15/10/2023 13:11

Does your son know who the children are who’ve confirmed? Could he tell you if he likes/plays with them so you’ve got a better idea of they’ll get along on the day?

Mookie81 · 15/10/2023 17:55

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:32

I've told nursery like 3 times if they could remind/send a message (there's an app) but they've been NO help.

Half term is the following week over here.

I've always 2 is borderline OK, my DH is the one who thinks it's more of a playdate than a party.

We work better with bigger crowds than smaller ones, which is why we're both a bit anxious.

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The nursery isn't your personal assistant!
It's not their job to facilitate your party nor do they have the time for it.
Speak to parents at drop off or pick, seriously. Hmm

Original poster
chatenoire · 16/10/2023 07:23

Mookie81 · 15/10/2023 17:55

The nursery isn't your personal assistant!
It's not their job to facilitate your party nor do they have the time for it.
Speak to parents at drop off or pick, seriously. Hmm

Show quote history

How can I talk to those parents if I have no idea who the kids are therefore who the parents are?

OP posts:
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