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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel our DS's birthday party?

111 replies

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 07:08

Our boy will turn 4 in a week. I have the invitations to nursery for them to hand out and I think people haven't checked their kids' bags. My husband thinks they're just waiting to know about their plans.

Out of 8 invitations only 2 have confirmed and 2 have said they can't make it. My husband is of the idea that we should cancel if we don't get to 3. I tend to agree as I think otherwise it would make things awkward.

We're not the best at social situations and we know our son doesn't really play/have friends so we know he won't know any difference. I feel bad he won't have a party, but my husband doesn't see the big deal as he never had one.

The plan was to just have them children at home and have a few activities for them to do. That worked last year!

OP posts:
MariaVT65 · 15/10/2023 08:30

Don’t cancel!

Honestly I went to a nursery bday party at home this week with a few more kids and it was utter chaos, lots of tantrums.

housethatbuiltme · 15/10/2023 08:41

Its rude to invite people to a party then cancel because the caliber of guests isn't good enough... can't believe that needs to be said.

Sorry we are cancelling on you... why? because we are disappointed by the RSVP's, your child is one of only two and thats not good enough company.

Do you honestly think thats acceptable. The only reasons to cancel is either illness or if no one is coming.

Two is plenty to have fun with.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/10/2023 08:43

RedRobin100 · 15/10/2023 07:15

To add to above - if you have only sent invitations out without other contact you could ask the nursery for the parents’ phone numbers and follow up with a message. That’s what we did and it worked well.

I can’t believe they did this. This is GDPR stuff.

SaracensMavericks · 15/10/2023 08:45

Don't cancel OP! There will probably be more than 2 when the time comes, and they just haven't replied yet. Even if it's small, you can have games and cake and it will be fine.

FlamingoQueen · 15/10/2023 08:47

Your DH seems to have a lot of opposing opinions! Get a bouncy castle if you have room. Even if they don’t play together, they will probably spend ages playing on it.

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 08:48

housethatbuiltme · 15/10/2023 08:41

Its rude to invite people to a party then cancel because the caliber of guests isn't good enough... can't believe that needs to be said.

Sorry we are cancelling on you... why? because we are disappointed by the RSVP's, your child is one of only two and thats not good enough company.

Do you honestly think thats acceptable. The only reasons to cancel is either illness or if no one is coming.

Two is plenty to have fun with.

They'd never know that would they? I'd just say he's poorly

OP posts:
PrueLeith · 15/10/2023 08:53

Definitely get a bouncy castle. I don't think a party will be flat without many guests, but it will be if you don't have anything for them to do other than a bit of telly and a Wendy house.

Bouncy castle, crafting, maybe do a disco. They can definitely do simple games like musical statues etc.

housethatbuiltme · 15/10/2023 09:00

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 08:48

They'd never know that would they? I'd just say he's poorly

Show quote history

so your a liar as well?

The kind of person who lies about their child's health?

You're coming off great here.

jackstini · 15/10/2023 09:01

Don't cancel, it's rude and unfair

(Lots of people are saying this - but it's v obvious you want to, and were hoping others would agree/give you 'permission'!)

Can you be at nursery drop off / pick up this week and just ask the other parents, or give out invitations?

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 09:01

housethatbuiltme · 15/10/2023 09:00

so your a liar as well?

The kind of person who lies about their child's health?

You're coming off great here.

Show quote history

Won't be the first won't be the last!

OP posts:
Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 09:03

jackstini · 15/10/2023 09:01

Don't cancel, it's rude and unfair

(Lots of people are saying this - but it's v obvious you want to, and were hoping others would agree/give you 'permission'!)

Can you be at nursery drop off / pick up this week and just ask the other parents, or give out invitations?

But I don't know who these parents are! Which is why I'm relying on nursery.

OP posts:
sellote · 15/10/2023 09:06

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 08:07

Something I've forgotten to mention (and probably is one of the reasons to cancel).

Is that our son seems indifferent to other children. He plays alongside but not WITH them (if that makes sense).

We've taken him to two birthday parties and he refused to play with other children.

And as we don't know if he's "friendly" with these two, we don't know how he'll react.

This is normal at that age! It will be easier if you organise some activities to occupy them. So it could be a craft like making party hats - you can buy pre cut cardboard or just cut your own cardboard strips - and leave bits and pieces out that they can stick on. Or games like pass the parcel etc.

Organising social situations outside of school really helps them to develop and cement friendships, I’d make the effort.

Banrion · 15/10/2023 09:09

I really don't understand this. Why would you cancel? Three children together for a child turning 4 will be lovely. It sounds like you don't want to host a party which is confusing as you organised it.

sellote · 15/10/2023 09:10

Also I’m presuming your DD will also be there, which adds another child. It’s a great number of children for that age.

ToadOnTheHill · 15/10/2023 09:12

DH needs to get over his embarrassed about not having enough people at the party.

Will your son enjoy it? Is his birthday worth celebrating? Yes? Then do it.

Playing alongside is a normal development stage and making your son feel special is wirth the effort.

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 09:21

sellote · 15/10/2023 09:10

Also I’m presuming your DD will also be there, which adds another child. It’s a great number of children for that age.

Oh no she's said she'll definitely won't be here. She's 13 so it's not like she's a child of their age range.

OP posts:
WeightoftheWorld · 15/10/2023 09:31

Goldbar · 15/10/2023 08:11

@chatenoire . Would your son prefer a party with just his family there?

I wouldn't cancel because just two kids were coming, but I would cancel/wouldn't organise a party in the first place if I thought my son wouldn't enjoy it.

I agree with this. In your current circs no I wouldn't cancel. However I wouldn't have organised a party in the first place for a child who you say won't be bothered about it and that you're concerned he won't even enjoy his own party. My DD is 5 and so far the only party we had was for her 4th birthday as she had asked for one. If she hadn't asked I wouldn't have done one, and so we didn't bother for her 5th.

sellote · 15/10/2023 09:33

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 09:21

Oh no she's said she'll definitely won't be here. She's 13 so it's not like she's a child of their age range.

Show quote history

That’s a shame when it’s his birthday party. Older children often enjoy getting involved and playing with younger ones.

margotrose · 15/10/2023 09:39

chatenoire · 15/10/2023 08:48

They'd never know that would they? I'd just say he's poorly

Show quote history

Honestly, it's starting to sound like you just CBA and want to cancel for an easy life.

PrinceHaz · 15/10/2023 09:41

Id reframe it in your mind as a family party. If there are grandparents and other relatives who can come, invite them.
Because you know your son will not necessarily play with the others, divide party into sections of time with fairly structured activities do that keep the children absorbed e.g. a craft, pass the parcel, pizza making.
As an aside, has nursery suggested assessment for ASD? Just asking as he happily plays alongside rather than with and there being social anxiety in the family.

PlantDoctor · 15/10/2023 09:44

I don't think you should cancel your kid's party just because you might feel awkward. Surely they're really looking forward to it? My DD is nearly 4 and has been rambling about birthday parties for months

PrinceHaz · 15/10/2023 09:46

My daughter’s birthday parties gave me extreme social anxiety, partly because I’m a bit socially anxious and partly because she wasn’t popular so the uncertainty about numbers always played on my mind.
In retrospect, I would say I’m glad I did them. excruciating as they were for me, particularly in the planning stage; they were memories made for her. We look at the pictures even now she’s 17 and comment on what she did, who was there and soon.

Takeabreather23 · 15/10/2023 09:50

RedRobin100 · 15/10/2023 07:15

To add to above - if you have only sent invitations out without other contact you could ask the nursery for the parents’ phone numbers and follow up with a message. That’s what we did and it worked well.

They can’t give out phone numbers . Jeeze oh

Original poster
chatenoire · 15/10/2023 09:50

He'll still have a birthday "party" with his older siblings. So it's not like he'll miss out. They're all teens/pre teens so they don't want to hang out with 3/4 year olds and I understand that!

We have no other family and yes we have other friends, but my son isn't attached (or has even figured out they exist) so again I doubt he'd care.

OP posts:
zurala · 15/10/2023 09:58

It sounds to me like you and your DH just can't be bothered to organise a decent party so you want to cancel. You need to suck it up and organise something decent - we always used to put out lots of garden toys and a mini bouncy castle (we bought one which was well used over the years).
Surely it's only two hours? It will fly past especially with some food. Just get on with it.
If you need ideas for activities Google is your friend. I would think some easy crafts would go down well.