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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is the weirdest thing that bugs people on MN?

324 replies

CruCru · 14/10/2023 19:31

I remember a poster saying that it really stressed her out to see a woman outside the house with wet hair as no one should be too busy to blow dry their hair. This was weird to me because I have shoulder length hair and never blow dry it.

What about you?

OP posts:
ISawAStarFall · 15/10/2023 09:40

Oh and being a stepparent. The treatment of stepparents on here is baffling.

You're supposed to include your stepchild in everything. You can never do anything with just your own child. You need to love them as if they're your own. Anything less and you'll be severely criticised.

But you're also accused of 'overstepping' if you actually try and parent them in any way. Then you're reminded that you're not actually their parent and shouldn't try to act like it and you'll be criticised for that.

You're expected to simultaneously be 100% a parent and in no way a parent on here.

Schrodinger's stepmum. 💁

WandaWonder · 15/10/2023 09:43

ISawAStarFall · 15/10/2023 09:32

Childfree weddings.

If you have a childfree wedding on MN, you're a selfish bridezilla who only cares about having an 'instaperfect' ultra formal black tie wedding that's completely joyless. And the marriage will only last 2 years.

Or you're a childless woman, so therefore you're automatically completely clueless about kids.

In real life, I know plenty of people who've had childfree weddings and no-one seems to care that much or find them joyless.

And a partner has to be invited because once you are partners you are joined at the hip and can't possibly do anything separately

WhileMyDishwasherGentlyWeeps · 15/10/2023 09:49

ISawAStarFall · 15/10/2023 09:40

Oh and being a stepparent. The treatment of stepparents on here is baffling.

You're supposed to include your stepchild in everything. You can never do anything with just your own child. You need to love them as if they're your own. Anything less and you'll be severely criticised.

But you're also accused of 'overstepping' if you actually try and parent them in any way. Then you're reminded that you're not actually their parent and shouldn't try to act like it and you'll be criticised for that.

You're expected to simultaneously be 100% a parent and in no way a parent on here.

Schrodinger's stepmum. 💁

I don’t disagree: on here step-parents are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

But, to be fair, the general conversations on MN about step-parenting seem to be between posters who are step-parents and others whose children are looked after by step-parents. The anti-SP views are really just an expression of the anxiety of divorced and separated mums. I take a lot of the comments about SPs to be about the posters’ fears and worries about their relationships with their children, not really about the children themselves. And there’s nothing much wrong with that, ultimately.

Carnewb · 15/10/2023 09:50

DrivingAgain · 15/10/2023 05:55

Thinking that someone who doesn’t drive is deficient in some way. I have always driven, but I don’t get the criticism and scorn of those who haven’t/don’t want to learn. (As long as they don’t expect endless lifts). It is seen as an almost moral failing by some!

I recently passed my test and got a car. Been a long battle to get there! And it has absolutely changed my life.
But that's the whole point, it's my life that has been changed, it literally hasn't affected anyone else at all, my not driving didn't affect anyone and my driving doesn't affect anyone either.
And I'm still exactly the same person I was before, I haven't miraculously changed my personality because I've got a driving license or suddenly become an amazing specimen of humanity, I'm the same person, doing the same things.
I really don't get why people get so offended by people who don't drive in general, because unless it's a personal situation where one specific person is asking for lifts all the time, not driving doesn't really affect anyone else to the point that they need to give it so much head space.
It's really odd that some people get so het up about it.

Squiblet · 15/10/2023 09:58

The bizarre way some posters, having taken against an OP for some reason, try to blame her for her current troubles by picking on a decision she made years ago and could not possibly have predicted the consequences of. Like, "well you chose to marry him!" Yes, a decade ago, when everything was different and I'd misplaced my crystal ball.

I'm just waiting for, "Well it's your own fault for being born in the first place"

Kitkatfiend31 · 15/10/2023 09:58

People using a toilet. Never seen so much angst about workers/friends/family actually using a toilet.

user1471446186 · 15/10/2023 10:07

It’s the threads where people post “a thread for bread lovers, come and tell me your favourite bread” and then loads of people comment about how they haven’t eaten bread since 1990 and don’t people know how bad it is for you…etc. just accept this isn’t the topic for you and move on.

sueelleker · 15/10/2023 10:10

Fifireee · 15/10/2023 04:04

Not sure it’s weird but it’s very aggressive…. Any poor person who goes on the dog board and has got a puppy instead of travelling to Bolivia and saving one from a gang of drug dealers will be flamed!

Or people who do adopt from abroad, and are flamed because "there are so many dogs in the UK looking for homes".

toadasoda · 15/10/2023 10:13

Excuses for dickhead behaviour and bad manners:
Idiot driver overtook me and cut across me 'maybe he has ADHD'
SIL never replied to message about kids party 'maybe she has autism?'
Friend cancelled last minute and ruined my night 'maybe she has anxiety'

You can have all of the above and it's still no excuse for bad manners IMO. On MN people always make your feel unreasonable for expecting basic common courtesy from others.

HappiestSleeping · 15/10/2023 10:19

People who use the AIBU board for general chat / questions instead of using the chat board 😉

RampantIvy · 15/10/2023 10:24

But then MN seems to have a disproportionate amount of people who think a 65K salary is a pittance. Maybe MN is an example of the North/South divide in action.

I agree with so many of the replies on this thread, but this one in particular resonanted with me @Fionaville. There is a current thread where posters are saying how much they earn and what their mortgage is. I don't believe that everyone who posts on musmnet is a company director/hospital consultant/hedge fund manager/overpaid lawyer, so I assume thay are mostly London salaries.

I had to hide that thread.

According to that thread we must be just under the breadline, yet we are very comfortable. We live in South Yorkshire, an area not known for high salaries or its affluence.

I agree about heating threads @Regholdsworthswaterbed. I realise that energy costs often dictate whether you can afford to put the heating on, but there are a lot of posters who imply that it is a moral failing to want the heating on and that it is character forming to be cold.

Also, posters who seem to be unable to communicate assertively and in a non agressive way. They either get walked all over or have to "confront" the perpetrator of their discomfort.

phoenixrosehere · 15/10/2023 10:31

The transactional nature some have when it comes to any type of dealings with people regardless of how well they know them and/or a need for extra thanks, the expectations that people are mind readers, and supposedly never meeting anyone who has ever had a strained relationship with family members or can imagine that other families have underlying issues that play into family politics that posters have had to deal with for years.

Honeychickpea · 15/10/2023 10:39

Daffodilwoman · 15/10/2023 08:19

Agree with lots of these in particular:
Once you child turns 18 they are completely self sufficient. You must not help them in any way. They can leave home and buy their own house the day after they turn 18.
Hatred for hen dos. In the real world I see most people loving a hen do wherever it is, the people attending love the fact they have been asked to attend and can’t wait to celebrate with the bride to be.
Travelling hours and hours and spending a fortune to attend the wedding of someone you are slightly related to. Doesn’t happen in the real world. Most people if asked to attend a midweek wedding which involves using up 3 days annual leave, leaving their children with a babysitter who barely knows them, travelling for 4 hours each way, spending a fortune for their dad’s half brothers, sister’s son’s step daughters wedding who they last saw 10 years ago would just decline the invite.

Yet you think they should happily attend the hen do for the wedding they couldn't be arsed to attend? Odd.

Honeychickpea · 15/10/2023 10:43

toadasoda · 15/10/2023 10:13

Excuses for dickhead behaviour and bad manners:
Idiot driver overtook me and cut across me 'maybe he has ADHD'
SIL never replied to message about kids party 'maybe she has autism?'
Friend cancelled last minute and ruined my night 'maybe she has anxiety'

You can have all of the above and it's still no excuse for bad manners IMO. On MN people always make your feel unreasonable for expecting basic common courtesy from others.

Oh the anxiety! It appears to cripple 90% of mumsnetters.

icantthinkwhatusernametouse · 15/10/2023 10:48

The terms for relations some I get some I have to really think about

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 15/10/2023 10:49

Oh the anxiety! It appears to cripple 90% of mumsnetters.

Anxiety's a real issue for many people. If you're not afflicted by it yourself, great, but there's no need to sneer.

Fionaville · 15/10/2023 10:50

RampantIvy · 15/10/2023 10:24

But then MN seems to have a disproportionate amount of people who think a 65K salary is a pittance. Maybe MN is an example of the North/South divide in action.

I agree with so many of the replies on this thread, but this one in particular resonanted with me @Fionaville. There is a current thread where posters are saying how much they earn and what their mortgage is. I don't believe that everyone who posts on musmnet is a company director/hospital consultant/hedge fund manager/overpaid lawyer, so I assume thay are mostly London salaries.

I had to hide that thread.

According to that thread we must be just under the breadline, yet we are very comfortable. We live in South Yorkshire, an area not known for high salaries or its affluence.

I agree about heating threads @Regholdsworthswaterbed. I realise that energy costs often dictate whether you can afford to put the heating on, but there are a lot of posters who imply that it is a moral failing to want the heating on and that it is character forming to be cold.

Also, posters who seem to be unable to communicate assertively and in a non agressive way. They either get walked all over or have to "confront" the perpetrator of their discomfort.

Absolutely. They are either mostly from London, or for some reason are total liars! I saw that thread and got out of there fast!
I'm north west and have a great life. Lovely house and comfortable. But according to lots on MN I must hardly have a pot to piss in! But maybe that's the difference, where I'm from we don't look down at people earning less, because in an industrial town, the majority are earning similar to each other. And if you have 'done well' you wouldn't look down, because you'd be looking at your own parents and family.
I pointed out that not all homes are in London on another thread, because somebody was saying most pensioners are very well off because of their property value. And was told that my parents must have spent all their wages on scratch cards, booze and whippets.
It's like another world sometimes and I wonder 'is it me?' It's nice to know there are a few more Northerners around thinking the same thing!

VineRipened · 15/10/2023 10:50

DiscoBeat · 15/10/2023 01:59

*People who post "rtft". Who reads the whole thread before posting? Do people really aways do this? Smacks of "do as I say not as I do"

I agree with this. The conversation can go off at a tangent and a fresh answer to the question without the bias of reading others' answers is more truthful, imo.

People post RTFT when numerous people on at the end of a 4 day complex thread full it up with the most obvious suggestions that were made on day one

Or when posters take up thread space with irrelevant posts because on a long thread they haven’t bothered to read a crucial update by the OP. It isn’t hard to just read the OP’s posts on a long thread.

TheNinny · 15/10/2023 10:52

baby on board signs

WandaWonder · 15/10/2023 10:53

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 15/10/2023 10:49

Oh the anxiety! It appears to cripple 90% of mumsnetters.

Anxiety's a real issue for many people. If you're not afflicted by it yourself, great, but there's no need to sneer.

There is a difference in between who have it genuinely and it being blamed for every single thing either that or 'hormones'

Anxiety can be a condition but shouldn't be an excuse

CallieQ · 15/10/2023 10:56

Men being called women
Toilet brushes

CallieQ · 15/10/2023 10:58

Oh the anxiety! It appears to cripple 90% of mumsnetters.

Harsh

YeahIsaidit · 15/10/2023 11:03

Seemingly how everyone's problems would be solved if they just hired a cleaner and took themselves off to a spa/hotel for the night.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 15/10/2023 11:09

Anxiety can be a condition but shouldn't be an excuse

It's often a reason, though, which isn't the same thing as an excuse.

Daffodilwoman · 15/10/2023 11:14

Honeychickpea it’s obviously not the same wedding.
People usually go on a hen do and then attend the wedding because the wedding is close by/convenient/a close friend or relatives.
Only on MN do people stress over attending ridiculously inconvenient weddings of people they don’t know.
I’ve only been on hen dos where I know the bride very well. That’s what I see in rl too.