Party etiquette- think I made a silly mistake!

131 replies

Cookies5543 · 14/10/2023 18:41

DD aged 4 started reception this year. Been getting whole class invites. Very small class with only 22 kids. One mum whose child’s birthday is 3 weeks before mine has invited us as usual for the class but also extended the invite to my older DD (she seen her at school drop offs plus we’ve had a playdate with youngest DD’s).

I’m happy she invited older DD as if I’m being honest my eldest hasn’t had many invites. She never had whole class due to being in reception during covid then parties fizzled out. Last year for example she only went to one party, other kids in class even though she has many friends they all seem to not have parties or have them but just invite one or 2 kids. She’s got lots of friends but that’s just how things are.

SORRY THIS IS THE AIBU - I said to the mother today thank you for inviting older DD but I completely understand if there’s not any spaces as I know most places have 20/25 kids max. she said it was fine and the venue she’s booked has no limit. I explained DD’s birthday 3 weeks later does have a limit of 20 kids but they’ve agreed to having 23 kids (my older DD plus 22 kids in class). I explained I’m really sorry but can’t confirm if there’s a place for her child siblings until the RSVP come (she’s got 3 kids). She got really angry with this and I feel I made a bit of a silly mistake and shouldn’t have mentioned anything till I knew numbers! I feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cookies5543 · 15/10/2023 08:32

Thanks everyone you’re helping me see more into this. It is guilt. I can’t name my feelings very well which Ive always noticed.

OP posts:

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 08:33

Well then have that higher expectation of yourself also apply to how you judge people

she is not putting you in an awkward position

and she is not “very serious” (you’ve spoken to her a handful of times)

And she sure as heck did not get “very angry” at you

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 15/10/2023 08:33

OP I don’t mean to pry and hope this doesn’t come across as patronising, but have you considered some sort of talking therapy? It’s sounds as if you carry a lot of guilty and anxiety and might do you some good to unpick this.

saffy2 · 15/10/2023 08:48

Cookies5543 · 15/10/2023 05:22

@Bluetrue that’s really dramatic to say you would be “annoyed” if someone responds to an invite you sent out. Again it was not her child party. The conversation came up naturally asked whose taking care of older DD and then she said my DD is welcome to come to her kids party and I said only if she’s sure as I know numbers are limited.

I wish people would read before responding

Edited

To be fair I’ve read the whole thread and it is confusing because you’ve said different things as to how your dd2 was invited to the party. And the first post, which is what most people read wasn’t totally clear either.

Original poster

Cookies5543 · 15/10/2023 09:00

I don’t understand how I’ve said different things? Tbh I’m over this now. I’ve got things to do and need to get in with my day after giving this so much headspace, but just saw this again when I unlocked my phone so responding. Thank you everyone, I’ve got what I needed and wont be logging in anymore.

for anyone that comes across this thread in the future looking for similar advice - yes I know I overreacted but in all honesty I think it’s related to my ADD. One of you kindly PM’d me and told me you’re like this and suffer from a type of OCD which makes you’re thinking like this. I never considered this! Thank you.

OP posts:

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 09:10

I don’t understand how I’ve said different things?

well for a start - “very angry” got turned in to “annoyed” which got turned in to “she seemed okay” as the two of you chatted afterwards

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