Party etiquette- think I made a silly mistake!

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DD aged 4 started reception this year. Been getting whole class invites. Very small class with only 22 kids. One mum whose child’s birthday is 3 weeks before mine has invited us as usual for the class but also extended the invite to my older DD (she seen her at school drop offs plus we’ve had a playdate with youngest DD’s).

I’m happy she invited older DD as if I’m being honest my eldest hasn’t had many invites. She never had whole class due to being in reception during covid then parties fizzled out. Last year for example she only went to one party, other kids in class even though she has many friends they all seem to not have parties or have them but just invite one or 2 kids. She’s got lots of friends but that’s just how things are.

SORRY THIS IS THE AIBU - I said to the mother today thank you for inviting older DD but I completely understand if there’s not any spaces as I know most places have 20/25 kids max. she said it was fine and the venue she’s booked has no limit. I explained DD’s birthday 3 weeks later does have a limit of 20 kids but they’ve agreed to having 23 kids (my older DD plus 22 kids in class). I explained I’m really sorry but can’t confirm if there’s a place for her child siblings until the RSVP come (she’s got 3 kids). She got really angry with this and I feel I made a bit of a silly mistake and shouldn’t have mentioned anything till I knew numbers! I feel so embarrassed.

No, I don’t feel like this extends to kids parties. Everyone knows some are sibling-friendly, others aren’t. We did an open to all siblings party last year, didn’t assume we could bring siblings to any subsequent parties held for the kids attending.

Sounds like just a bit of cross-communication. You meant “sorry I’d like to return the favour but I don’t know if I can” and she heard “this doesn’t mean you can bring all your kids to our party”. Honesty I’d just forget about it and move on.

she probably wasn’t planning on bringing her elder child and you’ve made her feel like she only invited your eldest so she could have hers.you’ve jumped to conclusions. If my elder son got invited to a party of his brothers class mates he wouldn’t want to go!

From what you've said, I think you're way overthinking this, OP.

I'd be a bit annoyed if I invited a child to a party and the mother assumed that I only did it to get my child invited back. But this whole reciprocation thing really pisses me off.

No I said it in a way that I’ll find out once RSVP’s come back how much spaces we have and I’d love to have her kids if there are spaces. But I’m trying to remember if I said word “all” as she emphasised it! I really didn’t mean it in that way.

You meanwhile come across as a drama llama

“very angry” indeed! 😆

She’s just taken offence because she thinks you were insinuating that she was going to turn up with her 3 kids.

I don’t think you did anything wrong, she’s just taken it the wrong way.

Yeah you basically told her you think she's likely to be the kind of cheeky parent who brings all her kids to a party and she felt insulted.
I would move on mentally OP, you'll only make it worse trying to explain what you meant!
But no, you don't have to invite her older ones and it's clear she wasn't expecting it.

Your updates definitely sound like you’re overthinking it! Just forget it and be pleasant next time you see her.

I just find all this whole class parties really awkward. We can’t invite DD’s cousins either as obviously there’s no space but my siblings and DH’s sisters all understand this and have said not to worry. Mums in other Reception class have invited us as DD was in nursery but we can’t invite them and they understand as they know place we have booked is known for being strict with numbers due to the type of activity. i don’t know how I managed to explain to them as I didn’t feel awkward and it was understood straight away. They didn’t seem annoyed.

I think you were a bit odd. She invited your older DD as a nice thing to do and you tied yourself up in knots explaining why you might or might not be able to invite her child's siblings to your child's party. Why mention it until you knew whether you could or couldn't? At least then you could just extend the invitation, or explain that there was no space without the drama.

Tbh i think its a bit off to accept invite for your dd and her older sister and in same breath say but sorry, your dd hasn't made cut for my dd s party . I think id jabe nade excuses tbh for her dd s party

@angelikacpickles i only “tied myself in knots” after her reaction!

@saoirse31 if you read OP I asked her if she’s sure as I know places have limited numbers but she said no her place had no limit,

It sounds like she thinks you thought she planned to bring all her kids to your DD's party.

Don't worry about it op. Maybe try to smooth it over next time you see her:

"I'm really sorry about the party misunderstanding. I wasn't assuming anything, I was just apologising that I can't return the favour to you due to a limit on numbers."

It was very odd of you to even bring up the subject of her other children and your DD’s party. You’re jumping the gun a bit and making assumptions.

A little misunderstanding which could easily be cleared up with a quick phone call.

No need to go on to dig her out a little for being serious either. You may find it hard interacting with her - others will not.

@wellandtruly it would be more odd if I ignored her invite! I didn’t respond to her yesterday when she sent as I knew I’d see her today.

You seem to think hoards of people are desperate for their children to be invited to this party op

@SheldonesqueTheBstard i think towards the end of todays party it was cleared up. As we walked to the car together and she seemed okay. I just felt really silly for going red and embarrassed when I mentioned it. We did speak after the “incident” and she asked me if I need water I was really dizzy in the party (I’m recovering from minor surgery so can’t stand up long)

Eh? Of course you don’t ignore her invite. What’s that got to do with it?

You are WAY WAY over thinking this!
Stop!
If this woman was still thinking about this even and hour after it happens I’d be very surprised!
Move on.

Oh fgs op

and now she’s “ok” about it.

😂

@wellandtruly she invited my older DD yesterday and today I asked her if she’s sure there’s spaces as I know places are limited. Then I got into the awkward conversation thst our venue is limited but once RSVP come in I can let her know about her DD’s siblings

I think on threads like this people pile on and actually encourage the OP to over think! "You shouldn't have said it like that" etc.

Honestly I just wouldn't worry about it! She got mildly huffy, then afterwards she seemed fine. Some people area just a bit prickly. I just wouldn't mention it again