Idiot colleague

[Mumof118]

I have an 18 year old son who suffers with IBS or IBD. We aren’t sure yet. He’s under the care of a dietitian and is awaiting more tests following a colonoscopy.

It’s affected his life significantly over the past 3 years. He doesn’t go out with friends. He’s too self conscious to date. He couldn’t go off to uni this year and he struggles working.

He’s recently gone onto the carnivore diet which is helping to control his symptoms better than the medications he’s so far been prescribed.

At work he sometimes needs to use the loo. If he’s gone 15 minutes, he makes the time up at the end. It’s not ideal, but fortunately his manager has been this far understanding.

Last week a colleague in front of customers and colleagues commented on my DS’s toilet habits. She (age around 50) commented on him using the toilet for 20 minutes despite him being ok during that shift.

Today he has called me from work panicking because she did it again today, and a number of colleagues laughed at her ‘joke’.

I’ve told him to ignore her, work hard and perhaps mention it to the manager later. I’m trying to build his resilience. He really doesn’t want to be there now, but he needs to have a job or he’ll just sit in his room on his PS.

But despite being a non confrontational person, I want to go to that shop and see that bloody woman myself. He’s already suffering with depression and anxiety due to this illness and was just getting back on track a bit with this job.

Would I be unreasonable to intervene, or do I keep out of it and let him, as an adult, deal with this and learn how to manage such situations himself. Sigh.

I don't think ageism like this against the young is any better than any other kind of ageism. In my experience there are plenty of young people with a great work ethic. And I am in my 60s.

@Livingtothefull

Do you work in retail? I've had jobs in hospitality, banks and marketing offices,some creative pursuits and I've never seen such derisory apathy from the younger colleagues as in my current retail environment. In their own words: "I don’t give a fuck".

Are 60 year-olds known to smoke drugs in the loos?

I'm not even of the" older generation" myself at 36...But I'd much rather share a shift with absolutely anyone over 30 than the current youth. Obviously, my sample size is one mahooosive supermarket but the reality is pretty clear here.

I have worked in many business areas over the years, including retail. I don't doubt that there are several young workers with bad attitude, indeed have had to deal with some of them. If they are blatantly underperforming then it should be dealt with; so what you describe sounds like a failure of management to me as their managers should be educating them about what is expected at work, and requiring them to perform or leave.

But believe me, IME there are plenty older workers who take the piss too. Some of them have been getting away with doing the minimum of work for years and doing it poorly, and have got very good at falling under the radar. For all we know the woman colleague of the Op's son is jealous because he is a better worker than she is. So I disagree this is an age thing and think we need to avoid stereotyping.

'Are 60 year-olds known to smoke drugs in the loos?'

I have had to deal with situations of older workers being under the influence of drugs and alcohol, yes. This is deemed gross misconduct by most workplaces, so your management should be dealing with it if it is happening where you work.

@Livingtothefull you're somewhat derailing. It's not the topic as to why the younger workers are unmotivated and bone idle where I work and who and how should deal with them. The fact is, they are. And the fact is (without being told otherwise) I would 100% assume that the OP's son is yet another one of the spliff and TikTok lot.
My thoughts and behind the back comments would not come from a bully place - they would come from frustration (and pain at times) at having to do a double/triple lot of physical labour as the young uns can't be arsed apparently.

The colleague should definitely be sternly reminded to voice all issues in private and with the manager first of all. This situation is a clear reason why - it would help both of them.

And here are a couple of quotes from currently abundant articles on below-par work ethic of the youth:

In an April survey by ResumeBuilder.com, 74% of managers and business leaders reported that they find Gen-Z more difficult to work with than other generations. The respondents reported that this group tends to feel entitled and demonstrate a lack of effort, motivation and productivity.

So if you find yourself critical of the work habits and work ethic of the new emerging workforce, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an old fogy complaining about ‘those darned kids.’ You may, in fact, be a hip twenty-something looking to get ahead and feeling frustrated that the dude in the cubical next to you isn’t pulling his weight.

But that's me derailing now. Should start my own thread once the cup has spilleth over 😑

She may well feel absolutely appalled with herself if she realises the reality of the situation. She should never have made assumptions, and said them out loud, in the first place.

What is wrong with people and their need to know everything?
People have all sorts of variations in their contracts for all sorts of reasons and it's no one else's business but theirs and their manager(s).

A handy phrase for him is "If you have any issues with my working pattern, please feel free to take it up with my line manager."
Most people shut up at that point.

Is he just disappearing for 20 mins though? Really if it is that extreme his colleagues need to know so that they can cover him. It would come across as taking the piss from an 18 year old boy.

My intention is not to derail @QueenCamilla but all I did was respond to your own comments about young people. Which were not connected to the original post as all the evidence is that the OP's DS is a good worker.

It is up to the management to deal with the situation and ensure cover. It sounds as though he is keeping his manager informed, so it is not for him to worry about what his colleagues think.

Poor kid. But you need to stay out it. I'd be so humiliated if my mother had turned up to my primary school for any reason. I couldn't imagine her interfering with my work life!

Just wanted to come back, having seen your update, to say well done to your son!

@Mumof118 I have crohns and wear a colostomy bag. Sending a big hug to your son. It's easier to be more up front about illness when your older and a bit more rhino skinned and that takes time.

She sounds like a nosy and horrible cow.
I'm obviously not your son but o would say loudly that I had IBS and let her stew

Nothing to do with her though and if she thought that she can speak to him privately - or the manager. Not make a spectacle of him

@funbags3 is that a 'can't wait' card or something else?

Well done to your DS OP, very well handled of him. Hopefully that's the last he'll hear of it!

@Redsippycup
https://www.accesscard.online/

But how do you "cover" for someone who may or may not have to disappear to the loo at any point during their shift and may be gone 5 mins but also may be gone for 30 mins without telling anyone why they disappear for that time? Especially when the issue can be resolved by the person themselves just saying "Janet, I have a medical condition so I apologise if it ever leaves us short handed but the manager knows. If it gets busy when I'm gone you need to let him know to help out till I'm back"

No store is going to employ extra staff just in case they end up short handed during a busy period because the OPs DS has had to go on an extended toilet break at the same time a bus load of customers have walked in the door ... Supermarkets employ the bare minimum of staff as it is, if one disappears for extended periods unpredictability (ie outside of scheduled break times) then it will leave the others to pick up the slack.

It is not the OPs sons fault but equally it is not the colleagues' fault either and if they don't know he has a legitimate reason to be gone they could just see him as skiving off whenever he feels like because management haven't pulled him up on it yet (or in the case of my store they're so short handed ATM they can't risk pulling the employee in and then either having to fire them or have them quit so a lot of low level BS is allowed to fly under the radar that would usually be picked up on). Should they think that way? No, in an ideal world they would assume the best but we all make judgements of other people based on our own experiences and in retail it is frequently the experience that younger/newer staff are more likely to slack off than older staff and so everyone assumes the worst until informed otherwise.

In an office environment it wouldn't matter how long you were gone as your work is your work and you'd just catch up when you got back but in a retail environment it is totally different as you can't always predict when it will get busy and if you have to go to the toilet during a busy period then you're going to be leaving your colleagues short handed, and you making up the time at the end of your shift is not going to change the fact that you left them alone to deal with a queue 20 people long during a rush time so they had to do double the work in the same time.

I appreciate there may be a risk that colleagues are left having to cover during a busy time @melj1213 . But it is up to the management to avoid this and take whatever measures they need to in order to ensure the work is covered, by making reasonable adjustments.

It is not just me arguing this. It is what the law states, that employers need to make reasonable adjustments to enable employees with an underlying condition, to work. 'Reasonable' may of course vary eg depending on whether the employer is a corner shop or a large supermarket chain; but if colleagues feel not enough is being done to cover the work they need to complain to the manager, taking it out on OP's DS is just not acceptable.

'Especially when the issue can be resolved by the person themselves just saying "Janet, I have a medical condition so I apologise if it ever leaves us short handed but the manager knows. If it gets busy when I'm gone you need to let him know to help out till I'm back".'

Something like that could be the very solution though it is still up to the manager to implement it, with or without reference to the medical condition.

I reiterate that everyone needs to get used to the idea that people with disabilities are part of the world of work and sometimes special provisions will need to be made to accommodate them. What is the alternative - to exclude them from working and require them to live on benefits? (I am not referring to OP's DS situation here, just talking more generally).

I for one am very glad that attitudes are becoming more enlightened. It seems that this young man's employer is happy with his work and willing to accommodate him. So I don't know why it should be a problem for anyone else.