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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have lost it with this man on the school run?

117 replies

PossiblyALunatic · 13/10/2023 21:55

I’d been driving through a narrow street with lots of parked cars. A man tapped on my window and asked me why I had driven around him whilst he’d been waiting.

I honestly wasn’t aware that I’d done this. I must have just assumed he was a parked car as I definitely wouldn’t have pushed in front of someone like that deliberately. I’ve had a lot going on lately including a recent bereavement. It was early in the morning and I was acting somewhat on autopilot.

Yet instead of calmly explaining this and apologizing, I started screaming, ‘Because I’m a fucking piece of shit and don’t deserve this life, clearly. The world would be a much better place if I wasn’t here.’ All in front of my DS.

What would you do? Should I report this to my GP? I’m already seeing a counsellor about the bereavement. Should I not be driving if I’m in this state? I do really need to drive to get my DS to school though and there are limits to the number of times I can keep asking others to help out.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 13/10/2023 21:58

Is it a one off, or has there been other episodes ?

Theimpossiblegirl · 13/10/2023 22:02

It's a worrying reaction, how have you been otherwise? I would talk to someone.

Alargeoneplease89 · 13/10/2023 22:02

Sorry for your loss. Bereavement can have strange affects on you. Have you got support?

EvilElsa · 13/10/2023 22:04

Oh OP. I agree that you need to speak to your counsellor about your reaction. Sorry to hear about your bereavement.

Laiste · 13/10/2023 22:06

Sorry for your loss OP.

How recent is the bereavement?

It sounds as if you're struggling. Life (ie dropping kids off) has to go on though. Maybe a solution is to drive them near to the school and park up before the awful busy bit and walk the rest to avoid this particular trigger for stress?

PortalooSunset · 13/10/2023 22:11

If you're not aware of what's going on around you then no, you shouldn't be driving.

wtfwolf · 13/10/2023 22:12

Don't think your reaction was bad at all you didn't crash into him and for him to approach you to point it out is ott in my opinion. You sound like you have had a really hard time and we all get to have our bad days I wouldn't give this a second thought and concentrate on getting over your bereavement instead of tearing yourself apart over this. 💐

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 22:12

Yes speak to your gp

WhateverMate · 13/10/2023 22:15

Sorry for your loss.

No, you shouldn't be driving right now.

WhateverMate · 13/10/2023 22:17

wtfwolf · 13/10/2023 22:12

Don't think your reaction was bad at all you didn't crash into him and for him to approach you to point it out is ott in my opinion. You sound like you have had a really hard time and we all get to have our bad days I wouldn't give this a second thought and concentrate on getting over your bereavement instead of tearing yourself apart over this. 💐

Sorry but this is a ridiculous reply.

"Don't think your reaction was bad at all"

After the OP said

Yet instead of calmly explaining this and apologizing, I started screaming, ‘Because I’m a fucking piece of shit and don’t deserve this life, clearly. The world would be a much better place if I wasn’t here.’ All in front of my DS.

Seriously??

HateTheView · 13/10/2023 22:19

If it really was a one off then just chalk it up to, 'oh my god, I was stressed out and acted like a massive twat!' and forget about it. But otherwise, you might need some help.

wtfwolf · 13/10/2023 22:22

Ok perfect Peter calm down
Have some compassion
Forgot we all have to get it perfectly right all the time.

WhateverMate · 13/10/2023 22:30

wtfwolf · 13/10/2023 22:22

Ok perfect Peter calm down
Have some compassion
Forgot we all have to get it perfectly right all the time.

Are you taking the piss here?

OP's been bereaved, she's clearly acted in a way that's worried her immensely and in front of her DS too.

If you can't be helpful, why not choose one of the 100s of other threads to post on?

Ontheperiphery79 · 13/10/2023 22:32

I hope you repaired with your DC afterwards, as it's an hell of a thing for them to hear.

GrumpyPanda · 13/10/2023 22:39

Sounds like he was being a bit of an arse, and he startled you, so you may just have snapped a bit more easily than you would otherwise. But if you feel you are at breaking point, then yes, probably a good idea to look for support. Periods of great stress do change our brain chemistry, so a limited time of antidepressants/low-dosed tranquilizers until they kick in May be a goodvidea, as may therapy.

So sorry for your loss.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 13/10/2023 22:48

This is stress playing out on you and you just lost it. Talk to your children calmly and explain to them how you acted is not how you should act and you were just in a difficult situation and stressed and sorry for how you acted. I would if you have time try to even go for a small walk daily even if not up for it as it will help clear and relax your mind. Maybe talk to a bereavement counsellor or your gp and be kind to yourself. Stress comes out when we are overwhelmed and we act out of character. Try to do something so this does not happen again and look after yourself and talk to family/friends if you can. Sorry about your loss.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 13/10/2023 22:51

What was the man's reaction to your outburst. Did he ask were you ok and no should not be driving if you are in a state like this and not aware of what is going on in the road. Could cause an accident and kids should not hear stuff like this but am not having a go at you at all as being overwhelmed, tired, grieving can change us completely and ask for help to get you through this difficult time and sending big hugs. We are all only human and believe me we have all been through hard times and it affects us all in different ways.

MikeRafone · 13/10/2023 22:55

Bereavement is a lonely journey and takes time.

perhaps not driving might be very wise if your mind is elsewhere, just for a little while.

taking good care of yourself and being kind to you, it’s such a hard time for you.

Mydogmybestfriend · 13/10/2023 22:56

What did he say in response?

smithsinarazz · 13/10/2023 22:57

It IS unreasonable, but it's all about inner turmoil showing itself, isn't it? Been there (not wrt a bereavement, just wrt anxiety). Be kind to yourself. Doing something like a meditation class might help. Or just doing something that you really, really love doing, whether that be walking in the woods, or singing, or cooking, or..well, you know yourself best.
That kind of flashpoint can sometimes be really useful - when you stand back, look at yourself and think, "I'm not ok - I need a bit of TLC". I hope you find it and that it works for you xx

Original poster
PossiblyALunatic · 13/10/2023 23:01

Thanks everyone. DS2 died in May. I’ve had a mix of counselling from a charity, then NHS (5 sessions each) and now privately although not sure it’s with the right person. Am not sure what to do as we live somewhere where you really need a car to get around.

OP posts:
Original poster
PossiblyALunatic · 13/10/2023 23:02

Mydogmybestfriend · 13/10/2023 22:56

What did he say in response?

Nothing. He just drove off. I’ve been thinking about posting in the local FB group to say how very sorry I am and to explain a bit more about the situation.

OP posts:
Lilacdressinggown · 13/10/2023 23:02

How old are you? Menopause or peri menopause can cause rages. Bereavement can too.
I don’t think a GP could help with the rages but definitely mention it at your counselling.

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 23:04

wtfwolf · 13/10/2023 22:22

Ok perfect Peter calm down
Have some compassion
Forgot we all have to get it perfectly right all the time.

Another pointless post. Why do you bother?

Thisismyname33 · 13/10/2023 23:05

Op I am so sorry for your loss. Whilst this response isn’t normal you have obviously been through a lot which is no wonder effecting you.