To have lost it with this man on the school run?

[PossiblyALunatic]

I’d been driving through a narrow street with lots of parked cars. A man tapped on my window and asked me why I had driven around him whilst he’d been waiting.

I honestly wasn’t aware that I’d done this. I must have just assumed he was a parked car as I definitely wouldn’t have pushed in front of someone like that deliberately. I’ve had a lot going on lately including a recent bereavement. It was early in the morning and I was acting somewhat on autopilot.

Yet instead of calmly explaining this and apologizing, I started screaming, ‘Because I’m a fucking piece of shit and don’t deserve this life, clearly. The world would be a much better place if I wasn’t here.’ All in front of my DS.

What would you do? Should I report this to my GP? I’m already seeing a counsellor about the bereavement. Should I not be driving if I’m in this state? I do really need to drive to get my DS to school though and there are limits to the number of times I can keep asking others to help out.

@PossiblyALunatic

Don't do anything other than forgive yourself. He tried to pull you up kn behaviour he felt was unacceptable, and possibly he will think twice about behaving in that way, in the future.

I am so sorry about the loss of your DS2.

If you want to talk about him and your feelings on here, please do so.

Sending huge unmumsnetty hugs.

Yeah I agree with this. I had a similar encounter when my brother died; sometimes you can be carrying so much and trying to hold it together that something relatively small is the thing that will break you in the moment.

Give yourself a break. You're going through pain that most would find unbearable - im so, so sorry for your loss

Thank you everybody. These are much kinder replies than I deserve. I feel like a bit of an idiot really.

OP you totally deserve to be supported, you are not an idiot, but a Mum trying to get through the day after suffering the worst imaginable loss.

All of your outburst was directed to yourself, the man was just the catalyst.

Do lean into the people around you and look at how you can off load the daily grind so you can take time to rest and heal.

Is it a very long drive to school or could you walk it if you set off early? The walk to school was about 40 mins, good exercise, clearing head and opportunity to chat. Also good preparation and confidence for when they start to go to school by themselves.

Otherwise do you have parent(s) nearby who could take your DS?

Hope you can have a relaxing weekend and do some kind things for yourself.

Some days... and you never know what people are going through, so, this guy played stupid game, won stupid prize... maybe he will learn to butt out instead of go poking.

After all, you drove around him and he was waiting... OH NO... what a terrible trauma for him?

He could have just thought 'dickhead' and then let it go, but he didn't, he had to come tap on your window and berate you about it.

I think you're right to reflect and seek further help, but I can completely understand what triggered you to react like that.

I am normally pretty patient, polite, easy going and understanding - but this week I've had a bereavement (friend killed herself) and a phenomenally painful dental abcess... and one person on the phone being intentionally obstructive and rude (she called me a liar when I said I was housebound and had been referred to and was waiting on a home visit) resulted in me telling her very firmly, and clearly:

'Ok then, I'll go and shoot myself and whilst I do that, you can go fuck yourself'.

Not proud of it, not my finest moment by a long shot, but if she'd had just a smidgen of patience and empathy, if I hadn't lost a friend, if I wasn't in blinding fucking agony....

We're only human. Sometimes, we break.

Be kind to yourself.

From a purely practical driving perspective - he might have himself to blame if he didn't position himself in a way that shows he is waiting, rather than parking (pulled too far in) or maybe he used his handbrake so no visible brake lights. I drive down a particular road to work where this happens all the time.
Sorry for your loss OP and being bothered by someone when you're not feeling great - would not driving make your life easier right now? I wouldn't give up the freedom and convenience of driving if it's going to make your life more difficult/intolerable. As long as you're reflective about your own feelings and your ability to drive safely.

This thread has really made me reflect on impatience (I'm rather prone to it) and not rushing to judgement of other people - if only he had done the same. You never know what someone is battling with. You do deserve kindness, OP. You did something entirely human, and completely forgivable.

If one of my DC passed away I would be out of control. You're doing amazingly even functioning at all so definitely do not beat yourself up, but do speak to the gp. Sending love

Don't you dare beat yourself up, you're doing phenomenally well just getting through the days at this stage.

He was a dick, there was absolutely no need for him to pull you up like that and I hope he thinks twice about tapping on anyone's window again. Prick.

You absolutely DO deserve kindness, @PossiblyALunatic - you are going through something unimaginably painful, and having to carry on with life at the same time - you deserve all the kindness.

Let's string her up instead how dare she do that in front of a child 🙄

Op I am sure he will understand all you have to do is talk to him about it. Seriously that's it.

Don't speak to your GP. You don't know when that information on your medical record might come back and bite you

Really stupid advice to give anyone.

Somewhat paranoid isn’t it? If that were the case, no-one would risk it !! Given how the OP is feeling after a tragic bereavement, seeing her GP is probably wise as they can refer for counselling/CBT and possibly appropriate medication to help in the meantime.

This is terrible advice. Please don't listen to this OP.

Its not terrible advice. It might be something the OP wants to take into account

It absolutely is terrible advice, and I hope op gives it no heed whatsoever.