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Original poster

To have lost it with this man on the school run?

117 replies

PossiblyALunatic · 13/10/2023 21:55

I’d been driving through a narrow street with lots of parked cars. A man tapped on my window and asked me why I had driven around him whilst he’d been waiting.

I honestly wasn’t aware that I’d done this. I must have just assumed he was a parked car as I definitely wouldn’t have pushed in front of someone like that deliberately. I’ve had a lot going on lately including a recent bereavement. It was early in the morning and I was acting somewhat on autopilot.

Yet instead of calmly explaining this and apologizing, I started screaming, ‘Because I’m a fucking piece of shit and don’t deserve this life, clearly. The world would be a much better place if I wasn’t here.’ All in front of my DS.

What would you do? Should I report this to my GP? I’m already seeing a counsellor about the bereavement. Should I not be driving if I’m in this state? I do really need to drive to get my DS to school though and there are limits to the number of times I can keep asking others to help out.

OP posts:
Fionaville · 13/10/2023 23:08

PossiblyALunatic · 13/10/2023 23:01

Thanks everyone. DS2 died in May. I’ve had a mix of counselling from a charity, then NHS (5 sessions each) and now privately although not sure it’s with the right person. Am not sure what to do as we live somewhere where you really need a car to get around.

I'm really sorry for your loss. Loosing a child hits you in a way that no other bereavement does (I lost a DD1 unexpectedly)
The first year is the hardest. You do and say things completely out of character, you are basically just surviving on another plain to everyone else. Don't beat yourself up and don't post on the local Facebook group.
Keep up with the therapy and tell them. You need to work through it 💐

Malbecmoron · 13/10/2023 23:08

So sorry about your son. Don't worry about finding this person and apologising. He was being and arse and you overreacted due to the horrible circumstances you are in. He might think better about being an arse next time. Talk to your therapist about it (and think about changing if this one doesn't feel right)

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 13/10/2023 23:11

So sorry to hear of this loss, devastating for you. Even put on some music and just dance in the house and this will release stress even if you do not feel like doing it or feel insane dancing and music always help and believe me you will feel better. Try not to isolate yourself as I do that when low and sad and it does not help. Ask for a different person to talk to as it can takes ages to find the right person that you feel comfortable with and also please talk to your gp if you feel low and explain what is happening, do not go through this on your own.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 13/10/2023 23:13

Fionaville sorry for your loss also, I can not even imagine what you both are going through and no one can unless being there themselves. It may also help to go to a bereavement group as the other parents would feel the same and give advise and support and you are not alone even though it feels like it now. Don't worry about that man and posting on facebook, look after yourself now and take each day as it comes.

Smileatthesmallthings · 13/10/2023 23:19

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I suffered a bereavement earlier this week and thought I was ok today because I wasn't crying yet found myself yelling at the 'fucking piece of shit hoover that just wouldn't fucking pick the shit up off the floor it has one goddam job to do'. I startled myself because I don't react like that to anything and was immediately glad I was alone. (Turns out someone has previously hoovered up a post-it note 🤦)

Grief is weird and hard and you need to be gentle on yourself. I would talk it through with your therapist and maybe see if they have any suggestions for talking to your DS about your reaction too.

MsRosley · 13/10/2023 23:30

Thing is, if he thought you'd done that, he could have just let it go. Perhaps he'll learn to pick his battles more in future.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/10/2023 23:30

@PossiblyALunatic I am so sorry you are hurting and struggling. Please discuss with your GP, haven't read full thread, but if not taking meds now may be a good time to try. Possible extra sessions with counsellorp as well.

Sit down with your DS to discuss what happened and why and to check in with him about how he is coping. Does he need help, too?

Your feelings are valid. I'm so very sorry you've lust a child. 💐

No need to post on FB .

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 23:32

PossiblyALunatic · 13/10/2023 23:01

Thanks everyone. DS2 died in May. I’ve had a mix of counselling from a charity, then NHS (5 sessions each) and now privately although not sure it’s with the right person. Am not sure what to do as we live somewhere where you really need a car to get around.

Oh God, op Sad. I'm so sorry.

Bagpuss2022 · 13/10/2023 23:55

Totally understandable the loss of child does hit more imo and May was only a few months ago so it’s still so raw.
Speak to your counsellor about it and be kind to yourself
im so sorry for your loss 💐

Original poster
PossiblyALunatic · 13/10/2023 23:59

MsRosley · 13/10/2023 23:30

Thing is, if he thought you'd done that, he could have just let it go. Perhaps he'll learn to pick his battles more in future.

I kind of thought this too tbh. I mean, what was he really expecting?

OP posts:
steff13 · 14/10/2023 00:05

My mother died on December 15. I had a newborn and a toddler. I went to the mall to get Christmas gifts a couple of days before Christmas. There was a middle-aged woman sitting in her car talking on the phone in one of the few parent and child spaces, so I had to park way at the end of the lot, and lost my baby and toddler into the stroller and walk in the cold. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to smack that woman. I didn't, of course, but the grief and rage were overwhelming.

Not your finest moment, but understandable I think. You didn't hurt anyone. I'd let it go and seek help if you feel like you need to m

Dramatic · 14/10/2023 00:07

PossiblyALunatic · 13/10/2023 23:01

Thanks everyone. DS2 died in May. I’ve had a mix of counselling from a charity, then NHS (5 sessions each) and now privately although not sure it’s with the right person. Am not sure what to do as we live somewhere where you really need a car to get around.

Gosh I'm so sorry, when you said bereavement I was thinking maybe a grandparent or something but losing a child is a whole different level of grief. And it's so recent too, don't worry about trying to find this man, I'm sure he probably realised you had things going on. Definitely worth chatting to your counsellor about but please be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up about this momentary loss of temper.

HangingOver · 14/10/2023 00:13

Grief can make otherwise normal people do completely bonkers things. I won't go into details but I did far far worse. I look back at cringe, feels like a different person.

Ponderingwindow · 14/10/2023 00:19

Coming and knocking on your car window to complain about your driving is incredibly aggressive. His action will have put you into a high alert, fight or flight mode. I wouldn’t put too much stock into your reaction.

at the same time, if the actual words that you chose are bothering you and not just that you were not polite, then yes, speak to your GP. If you feel like a mental health check in might help, then it’s time to get one.

Thedm · 14/10/2023 00:31

Was this road blocked up by parked cars because they’re all parents trying to get as close as possible to the school?
Because that’s already a really dangerous situation for kids walking, and it’s not really the best to be driving if you are in a distracted state, which of course you are right now. You’re allowed to be. You’re going to struggle for a long time, and you have to do whatever you have to do to heal right now. But you do need to see this as a little warning that you’re not coping well, and others are taking the brunt of it so maybe change your patterns to help ease the stressful situations.

Can you maybe park further away and walk the last stretch?

DahliaMacNamara · 14/10/2023 00:32

I live near a school and have had people drive around me when I'm waiting to get through at busy times because they assume I'm part of the school run. The only thing to do is roll your eyes and let it go. You don't go looking for offenders to tick them off or demand explanations. This bloke was an arsehole, OP. You're in a very fragile state. Don't beat yourself up for shouting at someone who acted like an arsehole.

HikingforScenery · 14/10/2023 00:34

oh my. i’m so sorry OP. I hope you find the help you need soon. You’re none of those things.Youre just going through a hard time.

I’ll gently say though that it’s a good thing he let you know. Next time you’ll be mindful of the area. Imagine him trying to set off just as you were passing by. It could lead to a crash.

RhymesWithTangerine · 14/10/2023 00:40

Honestly, don’t give this man any more thought. He shouldn’t have tried to affect your day and throw his weight around.

What’s more important is that you are not reacting to things as you would like. You are not yourself, and you know that isn’t the person you want to be.

are you on beta-blockers? They’re non-addictive and I think they might help. You could speak to a GP about them.

2021x · 14/10/2023 01:33

You behaved like that because you had an un-expected confrontation during a distraught time, and your "fight" of your fight and flight kicked in. It doesn't sound like you did anything particularly dangerous, I would have assumed he would have used his horn if you were actually going to cause an accident.

If you see him again you can apologise for your response, but mainly be kind to yourself. You did nothing out of the ordinary for someone in your situation.

crumblingschools · 14/10/2023 01:46

If I was a parent at your child’s school I would happily help with the school run for as long as you needed. I am so sorry for your loss 💐

Reach out to friends/school parents they will want to do practical things to help, as well as being a shoulder to cry on.

justjeansandanicetop · 14/10/2023 02:02

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. Truly sorry.

And yes, your response wasn't the best, but also, I'm not sure what he was expecting. It was a bit of a strange / unnecessary thing for him to do so I really wouldnt give him much headspace, OP.

(Also, I'm not too sure what you mean by he was "waiting"? As in idling, not actually moving? Well, in which case you were absolutely correct to drive around him. Either way, don't think on it, OP.)

Xxxxxx

Blueink · 14/10/2023 02:45

So sorry for your loss OP.

I wouldn't be concerned about asking for all the help you need. Knowing you have lost your DC just a few months ago, I'm sure so many would want to support you in a practical way. Please don't hesitate to ask people, they often feel helpless to know how to support and would be glad to be directed by you saying what you need.

I agree it would be better if you weren't driving at the moment, I would take it as a 'near miss' and find a temporary alternative. You would feel awful if you had a crash or something like that with DS in the car because you weren't able to concentrate fully.

Keep pushing as well for all the professional help you need and take the pressure off yourself as much as you can.

OnlyFannys · 14/10/2023 02:55

Op I'm so sorry for your loss, the pain you must be in is just unimaginable and the fact that you are getting up and doing anything, even on autopilot, is incredible. Please don't berate yourself over this but do speak to your counseller 💐

BabyFireflyx · 14/10/2023 03:09

Reading further posts, please seek some help. Even if you're not feeling this level of emotion and triggered response often, it's clearly lurking just under the surface. Fuck that man. But you need to be extremely sensitive to how you act in front of your DS. You can't be expected to juggle happily day to day. But neither can your son witness this kind of outburst going forward. Please prioritise finding someone you can talk to, personally or professionally. It's worth it so much for both of you.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 14/10/2023 03:21

You poor love! I think if you believe your counsellor is the wrong person then it's definitely time to speak to your GP. Also, grief has a weird way of manifesting. The only predictable thing about it is that it is utterly unpredictable. You need to forgive yourself for reacting this way if it was a one-off and see it for what it was. Apologise to your DD and let her know that sometimes mum's feelings got the better of her this one time and you know that you need to do better. I bet she understands. (Tbf, I bet if you were a man, this bloke wouldn't have come knocking on your door.)