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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and flying

113 replies

cruelladepoppins · 13/10/2023 17:59

First world problems, but here goes.

I have a big birthday next year. For my last big birthday ten years ago, we rented a villa with pool abroad with extended family staying for a fortnight. It was great. This time, I'd quite like to do something similar, as would both DCs (now adults). Maybe just the 4 of us, or with a friend for each DC.

The sticking point is that DH is v much against flying, for environmental reasons. His attitude has hardened in recent years. I totally respect that. But I soooo want to go. It's not like I fly often - maybe once a year, usually to take DM on holiday. DCs are champing at the bit and I am torn.

DH suggests we rent a house in Scotland where we live and have extended family to stay, but (a) crap weather, no pool (b) I can't imagine extended family would want to come (c) it very much feels like second-best and (d) he doesn't drive so I would have to schlep us all the way there.

DM suggests I set up what I want, without him, but that makes me feel sad.

Any advice? Are there nice places within easy reach of (say) Edinburgh? Anyone experienced anything similar?

OP posts:
BerriesNutsConkers · 13/10/2023 18:01

Is driving to a European destination an option?
France?

DustyLee123 · 13/10/2023 18:01

Go without him.

xyz111 · 13/10/2023 18:02

No offence to anyone but no way would I want to do that in Scotland, especially if you already live there! Might as well stay at home. Does he never want to fly ever again?

Ducksinthebath · 13/10/2023 18:02

Get the train. Half a dozen hours down to a London, onto the Eurostar, intercity train to South of France or Spain. Doable in under 24 hours for able bodied adults. Or you all fly and he joins you via an overland route. Or follow your DM’s advice. Telling he’s not creative enough to find a way around his own issue.

GarlicGrace · 13/10/2023 18:03

You can get to most places by train. Send him by the scenic route, the rest of you fly.

Weepingskies · 13/10/2023 18:04

How about getting a ferry to Brittany or something like that as a compromise? Alternatively we once stayed in a gorgeous house in Yorkshire with an indoor pool, you could look for something like that?

Paperbagsaremine · 13/10/2023 18:04

Is it basically that you can't afford to do it (time, or money, or both) if everyone goes by train?
I can see why you might not want to spend a day or two heading south, but it's do-able, you can get to Morocco overland, even, if you're VERY keen.

HollaHolla · 13/10/2023 18:05

Alexander House, near Gleneagles. Beautiful house, with pool, hot tub, about 10 bedrooms. We had a great mates weekend there. Not cheap, mind you.....

Original poster
cruelladepoppins · 13/10/2023 18:05

I really couldn't face diving in France (have done it before but shared driving with a friend, and it was a rental car so easier w LH drive). I drove last time we were abroad as a family, and I found it very stressful.

OP posts:
Original poster
cruelladepoppins · 13/10/2023 18:06

Never ☹️

OP posts:
Kilopascal · 13/10/2023 18:07

Once in ten years? He seriously needs to get over himself, and I say that as a rarely flying environmentalist.

cheezncrackers · 13/10/2023 18:10

Train from Edinburgh to Kings Cross - Eurostar and then TGV?

Alternatively, leave your miserable DH at home and go with your kids and your DPs and fly.

Pleatherandlace · 13/10/2023 18:11

You and the kids fly and he meets you there by train/boat whatever.

Pleatherandlace · 13/10/2023 18:12

You could give him a days head start 😉

Mumaway · 13/10/2023 18:12

Ferry to Holland from Newcastle? And then easy to Germany if you fancied

Normalsizedsalad · 13/10/2023 18:13

Tell him you eill offset it like Dicaprio

ladeluge · 13/10/2023 18:14

So your entire birthday celebration will be arranged around the wishes of a non driving, non flying eco husband.

Right, I'd decide when and where, and would go whether eco husband agrees or not. It's your birthday. He does not need to be parented or cajoled with suitable alternatives. Nope, I suspect he is just lazy or stubborn. DIY it for yourself girl.

NotFastButFurious · 13/10/2023 18:15

You and the kids fly, he can take the train / Eurostar and meet you there. I
there's no way I would be spending 4.5hours travelling with kids to only be in London and have 2 more trains to go! You can be pretty much anywhere in Europe in that time (excluding time at the airport)

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 13/10/2023 18:15

He’s right, and good on him for standing by his principles.

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/10/2023 18:16

I can understand being conscious and reining in the use of flights indiscriminately but not wanting to do it once in a decade for your wife's significant birthday is Puritanical virtue signalling. He sounds like an arse.

PPs are correct that you could get a long way by train if you had to. But I would be calling him on it.

Original poster
cruelladepoppins · 13/10/2023 18:16

Btw he has looked at train travel and says it's not all that different from air travel in terms of CO2 over a big distance - that distance is part of the problem.

We go on lots of UK breaks, which I enjoy v much, but I would like to do something a bit special for this birthday.

OP posts:
Paininthederriere · 13/10/2023 18:17

Everyone fly & your husband get there via ferry/train/coach/taxi in a more carbon neutral way.

If he doesn’t want to do that (ie too much effort) then you are justified in going alone & him not joining you. And for it not to feel like you’ve deliberately left him out.

You actively want him there but it clashes with his environmental beliefs not yours. He could if he could be bothered join you in a way that fits with his beliefs but if he chooses not to then that’s on him not you.

I don’t think he should dictate where you go because of his beliefs. It could prove a sticking point however down the line if they are going to result in you never being able to travel abroad again during your married life.

I would not compromise on this - it’s unfair of him IMO.

NotFastButFurious · 13/10/2023 18:19

Go without him then, take your kids and a good friend!

Movinghouseatlast · 13/10/2023 18:24

How about the train to Cornwall and rent a house with a pool somewhere like St Ives? Or even a posh hotel, eg Carbis Bay Hotel.

Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 13/10/2023 18:26

Go without him, he sounds a total bore.

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