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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH and flying

113 replies

cruelladepoppins · 13/10/2023 17:59

First world problems, but here goes.

I have a big birthday next year. For my last big birthday ten years ago, we rented a villa with pool abroad with extended family staying for a fortnight. It was great. This time, I'd quite like to do something similar, as would both DCs (now adults). Maybe just the 4 of us, or with a friend for each DC.

The sticking point is that DH is v much against flying, for environmental reasons. His attitude has hardened in recent years. I totally respect that. But I soooo want to go. It's not like I fly often - maybe once a year, usually to take DM on holiday. DCs are champing at the bit and I am torn.

DH suggests we rent a house in Scotland where we live and have extended family to stay, but (a) crap weather, no pool (b) I can't imagine extended family would want to come (c) it very much feels like second-best and (d) he doesn't drive so I would have to schlep us all the way there.

DM suggests I set up what I want, without him, but that makes me feel sad.

Any advice? Are there nice places within easy reach of (say) Edinburgh? Anyone experienced anything similar?

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 14/10/2023 04:05

What an arse! Go without him and have a great time just you and the children, perhaps with a good friend who won't whinge all the time at you.

Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 14/10/2023 05:49

Do you even accept that he is unreasonable? Men like him need to grow a pair and stop virtue signalling to feel clever. The only birthday present he would be getting me would be a very fast divorce 😀

hattie43 · 14/10/2023 05:58

What's the point in worrying about one family not flying , it won't make a jot of difference anyway .
Besides eco this that and the other is irrelevant when the world is imploding and wars everywhere. We'll all be dead before the need to consider anything else .
Go on your holiday OP and enjoy every moment with or without your husband .

MrsMara · 14/10/2023 06:07

He sounds like an insufferable joyless bore.

Is there anything remotely attractive about him OP?

The fact he doesn't drive also tells me he is extremely selfish. Unless he walks everywhere and doesn't expect you to drive him - which i highly doubt!

I wouldn't give his wishes a further second's thought and book whatever the hell you want.

MidnightOnceMore · 14/10/2023 06:14

cruelladepoppins · 13/10/2023 18:16

Btw he has looked at train travel and says it's not all that different from air travel in terms of CO2 over a big distance - that distance is part of the problem.

We go on lots of UK breaks, which I enjoy v much, but I would like to do something a bit special for this birthday.

He's not asking you not to go, he's saying he doesn't want to compromise his own principles.

I agree with his position.

I think YABU to ask him to fly.

TeenagersAngst · 14/10/2023 06:35

cruelladepoppins · 13/10/2023 21:33

Aha! I followed the link from @FusionChefGeoff through to another website (ecopassenger.com) and input a scenario travelling from our local station to a popular place in Italy. Plane and train use a similar amount of energy, but plane produces a massive amount more CO2 (presumably because much of the electricity that trains use is from renewables or nuclear).

I think I can get some traction with that if I offer to go by train too - thanks Geoff! - but there are other good comments and ideas in the thread as well.

Thanks everybody for all your suggestions, that's been really helpful!

Why do you have to go by train too? Unless you actually want to? Why does he get to dictate all your travel choices?

Shoxfordian · 14/10/2023 06:42

He sounds tedious - I assume there are some good points but can’t imagine they outweigh this kind of nonsense

Climbingthehillfast · 14/10/2023 06:43

The planes are still going to fly regardless so he’s being a selfish knob.

MiddleParking · 14/10/2023 06:56

God, the shit that some people accept from men. My husband would not dare (not that he’d ever want to). Why are you spending time looking at what energy and CO2 different vehicles use, ffs. Tell him if he wants his own ecosystem to remain intact he will book it, organise it and participate in it with a smile on his face.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 14/10/2023 08:05

Book your villa. You and DC go by plane. He goes by whatever route he chooses.

HappiestSleeping · 14/10/2023 08:12

Show him the power person carbon emissions vs driving. Its actually less on a plane than for the equivalent distance in a car. Depends how many of you are going, but it's probably not as bad as he thinks.

Topseyt123 · 14/10/2023 10:48

He honestly sounds like an insufferable bore. I'd definitely go without him and I'd fly, with the kids. It's not as if you are frequently flying everywhere every few days ffs. It's occasionally for a big event.

He could join you by the mode of transport of his own choice if he wished, but I wouldn't be joining him on the ridiculously long winded trip by train, bus etc., and yes, he might just have to accept that the train would form a large part of his stupidly convoluted journey.

The majority of trains in the UK and Europe (with a few exceptions) are electric and have been for many years. Most of their power is increasingly drawn from renewable sources. If he can't or won't see that then he's a sanctimonious twat and that would make me angry.

Original poster
cruelladepoppins · 14/10/2023 17:03

Catopia · 13/10/2023 21:20

Ok. And in an ideal world how would you want to spend this birthday.... is it villa with a pool, or is it something else? What would your real bucket list birthday be?

Show quote history

Deffo villa with pool ❤️

OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 14/10/2023 17:36

I love my villa with pool holidays and won't be giving them up anytime soon. My one trip a year is nothing compared to the many celebrities, millionaires and businessmen/women who fly hundreds of times a year without a second thought. Leave him at home, you'll probably enjoy yourself more anyway.

december212 · 14/10/2023 17:40

Somewhat different but are there cruises now running from Rosyth? Does boat have more appeal to him than alternatives?

ElleDeeCB · 14/10/2023 17:47

Does your husband eat beef? Or dairy products from cows milk? Drive a petrol car? Or does this issue only come up when it applies to you?

(PS I’d say take the train - it’s a lovely experience travelling by train in France/Italy/Spain, very relaxing, and otherwise does this mean you won’t be travelling ever again?)

CarpetLady · 14/10/2023 17:56

How about ferry to northern Spain?

Original poster
cruelladepoppins · 14/10/2023 19:54

december212 · 14/10/2023 17:40

Somewhat different but are there cruises now running from Rosyth? Does boat have more appeal to him than alternatives?

Apparently cruising is even worse 😣

OP posts:
Original poster
cruelladepoppins · 14/10/2023 19:56

ElleDeeCB · 14/10/2023 17:47

Does your husband eat beef? Or dairy products from cows milk? Drive a petrol car? Or does this issue only come up when it applies to you?

(PS I’d say take the train - it’s a lovely experience travelling by train in France/Italy/Spain, very relaxing, and otherwise does this mean you won’t be travelling ever again?)

Eats very little meat. Drinks oat milk. Doesn't drive.

OP posts:
INTERNETEXPL0RER · 14/10/2023 20:01

GarlicGrace · 13/10/2023 18:03

You can get to most places by train. Send him by the scenic route, the rest of you fly.

This.

jotunn · 14/10/2023 20:03

Does he 'not drive' because he expects you to drive him everywhere? Is that some weird carbon footprint not counting if he's not the one actually doing the driving?

theduchessofspork · 14/10/2023 20:03

Good lord, get some sun.

S of France, Portugal, Spain etc - you can fly, he can drive. It’s fine he doesn’t want to fly, but for a big /birthday family holiday he can make an effort and drive. If you want to, you could drive with him.

Sandalholidays12 · 14/10/2023 20:05

They are your DH reasons. Your DM is correct don't let him project on the rest of you OP

Iloveacurry · 14/10/2023 20:05

Have you got a group of girlfriends you could go away with? Just leave him at home!

Pumpkinspicelattetime · 14/10/2023 20:05

cruelladepoppins · 14/10/2023 19:56

Eats very little meat. Drinks oat milk. Doesn't drive.

Show quote history

Doesn't drive because he always uses public transport to get around or doesn't drive but happy to go in a car you are driving? Because if its the latter best to stop giving him lifts to protect his eco credentials