DH and flying

[cruelladepoppins]

First world problems, but here goes.

I have a big birthday next year. For my last big birthday ten years ago, we rented a villa with pool abroad with extended family staying for a fortnight. It was great. This time, I'd quite like to do something similar, as would both DCs (now adults). Maybe just the 4 of us, or with a friend for each DC.

The sticking point is that DH is v much against flying, for environmental reasons. His attitude has hardened in recent years. I totally respect that. But I soooo want to go. It's not like I fly often - maybe once a year, usually to take DM on holiday. DCs are champing at the bit and I am torn.

DH suggests we rent a house in Scotland where we live and have extended family to stay, but (a) crap weather, no pool (b) I can't imagine extended family would want to come (c) it very much feels like second-best and (d) he doesn't drive so I would have to schlep us all the way there.

DM suggests I set up what I want, without him, but that makes me feel sad.

Any advice? Are there nice places within easy reach of (say) Edinburgh? Anyone experienced anything similar?

This is your birthday, not your husband's.

Tell him he doesn't have to come if he feels that strongly, but you are entitled to celebrate your own birthday as you see fit just as he is able to celebrate his.

Ferry? Or coach even, he can’t get upset about a coach if he’s happy to let you drive across country.

If he’s ok with you all going on a plane he might as well go with you. It’s not like you all going by plane and him going by train/car/swimming will make a difference to the environment

This!

And I don't believe him about long distance train travel having the same emissions as flying. Does he just not enjoy travelling?

He doesn't want you to travel at all, does he, if a long train trip is as bad as a flight.
Can you live with that?
Either go locally or go without him.
Either way, I hope you have a lovely time.

Personal flights make little difference fyi.

Could you go without him? You shouldn’t have to go without a fab holiday because of his principles.

I have a birthday coming up and one of my friends is flying 6 hours to me in ME and staying for 16 hours and flying home again, business class. Men like your husband make me glad that I don't know people like him and have joyful, generous people who embrace life rather than martyr themselves. I couldn't imagine being trapped in a relationship with anyone so wimpy.

I would just tell him you have booked it and him a ticket. We only live once, he can offset the carbon at his own cost if it bothers him that much. Remind him the plane will still be going whether it's full or empty so he might aswell get on it

cruise around the scottish islands? cruise to norway? ferry to amsterdam???

Go without him. He can miss out if he wants to be miserable.

Yeah I would do this. If he chooses not to join you that’s his decision. Don’t let him bully you.

That's bobbins. I do emissions calcs for work and travelling by plane even for short distances is MASSIVE compared to using trains, especially as European trains are better than most.

www.seat61.com/CO2flights.htm

Absolutely - he shouldn’t be able to spoil it for everyone else. Or just leave him at home and have a fabulous holiday. Does he never want to go abroad again, unless YOU drive?

Do not do what he wants on your birthday, Scotland or Cornwall my arse 🙄 Leave him home to moan & book yourself a great trip.

I would go, and fly and expect him to join us via an over the land route like the train

Two suggestions from me.

Firstly: summer 2024 will probably be hot, because of El Nino. So if your birthday's in summer, booking a place in Scotland with a pool (if any exist?) might not be a terrible idea.

Secondly: It's easy to take the train to Avignon, Aix-en-Provence, Annecy, or Spain, and rent somewhere within a short hop? Just book somewhere in a nice village with a couple of bars, and take an Uber from station to villa.

https://www.sawdays.co.uk/france/provence-alps-riviera/?term=Provence%20-%20Alps%20-%20Riviera&guests%5Badults%5D=2&guests%5Bbabies%5D=0&guests%5Bchildren%5D=0&guests%5Bpets%5D=0&rooms=0&accommodation_type%5B%5D=self-catering&t=1697219194792

As others have said: the CO2 difference between flights and trains is HUGE. So YANBU at all to insist he takes a train. (And also - YANBU to say that going abroad for a special occasion would be important to you, and you'd like him to set his principles aside.)

Leave him behind then 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is your birthday, not your husband's.

That.

Why are so many posters providing ways for him to control what OP does for her own birthday? His environmental principles are his own, and he doesn't get to dictate that anyone else abide by them.

It's not like I fly often - maybe once a year, usually to take DM on holiday. DCs are champing at the bit

So you go. If you're planning two weeks away, he can just use a few days at the beginning and end, to get there under his own steam. Everyone else can make their own decisions about how they travel.

Seriously, you have a right to the holiday you want.

But surely if you add up the emissions of all your U.K. breaks is similar to one long journey by train?!

If he was really environmentally conscious, he wouldn't have had children.

I don't tho l it's about that anyway if he's saying that about train travel.

Bit hypocritical of him to go on lots of uk breaks, that’s just as bad for the environment as well. Tell him he can do without those next year instead

go without him, I would and you and your kids and anyone else you invite can have fun

I’d probably just organise for myself, close family and kids then and leave him out of it. I’ll bet his principles crumble when he sees everyone going without him, he’s just trying to control you. I can’t imagine someone so obtuse, puritanical and joyless bringing much to the party anyway, let him stay home saving up for his heat pump.

Oh god to be stuck with a DH like yours is my idea of hell
personally Id leave it - there would be no future with it with me