DH and flying

[cruelladepoppins]

First world problems, but here goes.

I have a big birthday next year. For my last big birthday ten years ago, we rented a villa with pool abroad with extended family staying for a fortnight. It was great. This time, I'd quite like to do something similar, as would both DCs (now adults). Maybe just the 4 of us, or with a friend for each DC.

The sticking point is that DH is v much against flying, for environmental reasons. His attitude has hardened in recent years. I totally respect that. But I soooo want to go. It's not like I fly often - maybe once a year, usually to take DM on holiday. DCs are champing at the bit and I am torn.

DH suggests we rent a house in Scotland where we live and have extended family to stay, but (a) crap weather, no pool (b) I can't imagine extended family would want to come (c) it very much feels like second-best and (d) he doesn't drive so I would have to schlep us all the way there.

DM suggests I set up what I want, without him, but that makes me feel sad.

Any advice? Are there nice places within easy reach of (say) Edinburgh? Anyone experienced anything similar?

My DH doesn’t fly anymore. Not for the same reason as your DH, but I just leave him at home and go. Don’t feel sad about going without him, you’d be more sad at home watching the raindrops running down the window pain.

So he gets his way something like 19 times out of 20? Point that out to him and tell him it's his turn to compromise else you might reconsider the UK breaks next time it comes to it.

He’s being selfish wanting his principles to take priority for the whole family when it’s someone else’s special occasion.

Tell him if he’s that bothered he can pay the extra to do carbon offsetting.

Get the train to the south of France - I've done this several times from Edinburgh and it's LOVELY. I would do Edinburgh to London and then stay overnight somewhere, then get the 9.30am Eurostar to Paris the next morning. You arrive in Paris for lunch, change over, and you're in the south of France by the early evening. If you book in advance it's not loads more expensive than flying and the whole experience is really lovely.

EDIT: I've just seen he won't take the train either – that's bananas, sorry you're having to put up with that OP.

My dad wouldn't fly for different reasons - very severe claustrophobia. This was a long time ago (he'd be over a hundred now) so flying off on holiday wasn't such a usual thing. But all the same my mum reached the point in the early 1980s where she realised that she was missing out, so she went on holiday to Malaysia and Thailand with a friend for three weeks. So she really went for it, given Long haul holidays weren't such a thing either!

So yep, your situation is a bit different, but also it involves your kids and extended family. So do it for all of you. It's a lengthy enough holiday for your DH to travel the slow way and join you for part of it if he's determined to.

Nope. I'd make the plans I want and stick to them. If he feels that strongly he can find another way to get there or not go. Up to him.

I don't know why so many people are suggesting rubbish alternatives. Book the villa.

Have a look at Byway. Amazing traintrips. Cobblers about trains using as much as planes.

www.byway.travel/inspiration/trips-of-a-lifetime

Rent a villa or find a nice hotel in a town accessible by Eurostar in south of France. You and children fly, he can get the train. As others have said, he's full of shit saying train as bad- it's not.
You don't have to drive for a holiday in France!

It seems he isn't willing to compromise in any way, so you shouldn't either. Book your dream trip and go without him.

Tell him that the carbon footprint that will be generated when you divorce him and have to have to run separate households will far outweigh an occasional flight.

On some airlines you can opt to “buy saf” in the same way that with octopus energy you “but renewable wneegy” (basically you sponsor more of the renewable into the grid - but an electron is an electron)
you can offset (though obv not the answer, and not iron clad)
or you can take more control (and expense) and plant your own trees or in other ways finance CCUS technologies
would any of these induce him to come with you?

i work in sustainability, and my view is that we still need to be able to live - even if it’s more expensive/less convenient/less frequent we can’t just ban things that people enjoy. What way to live is that?

I may have missed it somewhere, but what time of year/month is your birthday? Might impact on the recommendation!

YANBU, you should arrange whatever you want. He can choose to fly, travel by alternative means or not go at all.

There’s a fast train to Avignon and Provence is beautiful. Under 6 hrs from St Pancras on the fastest service I believe.

Edit - sorry just seen your update about Trains being just as bad, who knew!

@cruelladepoppins

How are you going to cope, going forward, as he is less willing to do anything? Have a very good think about that.

For your birthday... ask him if there's anything else he IS willing to do with you for your birthday (that meets your desires), make him do the work!

if not, then I'd just say, it's MY birthday and as you can't find anything you're willing to do that meets my criteria I'm going to arrange what I want to do & you can either fly for my Big Birthday, or stay home.

it's good to cut down on stuff, but it's also ok to make the odd exception for people/things that matter. Like your wife's Big Birthday.

i know it'll be sad to go without him, but you can still have a fabulous time with others who love you!!

as I said earlier, you need to think hard about how much he's changing and if you want to live his new lifestyle.

We hadn't been abroad for 12 years because of DH not wanting to go so I took my 3 DC and as they are now 20, 17 and 14 we had a brilliant time and I've already booked a short trip next Easter.

I rented a lovely house near Hexham that doesn't have a pool but would be great for up to 10 adults, pm me if interested and I'll did out the details. Otherwise I can recommend a great spa hotel in the U.K. that you and your dc could have an amazing time at

Could he do something to offset his emissions? There are plenty of ways to do it.

www.switch2zero.com/pages/frequently-travelers

I train it between Scotland and southern Europe every year with 2 kids, am similar to op’s dh!

Go without him OP. You will be with your DCs and other relatives and friends and life is for living.

Sorry but he's making excuses here and actually the data doesn't back that up what so ever and actually a short haul flight is less carbon then a car trip! The below link should help!

https://ourworldindata.org/travel-carbon-footprint

We would have to go in July or August because of work commitments.

Yet another clueless, virtue signaling, hypocritical "environmentalist." He just wants you to stay at home.

Go with your kids and have a wonderful time.

Ok. And in an ideal world how would you want to spend this birthday.... is it villa with a pool, or is it something else? What would your real bucket list birthday be?

Aha! I followed the link from @FusionChefGeoff through to another website (ecopassenger.com) and input a scenario travelling from our local station to a popular place in Italy. Plane and train use a similar amount of energy, but plane produces a massive amount more CO2 (presumably because much of the electricity that trains use is from renewables or nuclear).

I think I can get some traction with that if I offer to go by train too - thanks Geoff! - but there are other good comments and ideas in the thread as well.

Thanks everybody for all your suggestions, that's been really helpful!

Oh, sorry, it was ecopassenger.org 🙄❤️