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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you met your Dh in your teens

269 replies

Oldabondonedswings · 13/10/2023 14:23

Are you still together? How is life now?
I met Dh at 17, looking back we were just babies, 45 now…interested to see if anyone is in a similar situation.
Did your relationship last?

OP posts:
Coffeerum · 14/10/2023 07:15

Met at 18, been together 15 years.
We didn’t get married until 10 years in which I think will help us in the long run. We made sure we grew together and chose each other at the right time rather than marrying young by default.
2 DC later and who knows what the future holds but we are very happy together and have supported each other through a lot so far.

Coffeerum · 14/10/2023 07:20

@Oldabondonedswings Does anyone regret/feel curious about not having any/many other relationships and sexual partners?
I often if it’s not the greatest thing I’m the world that I’ve never had to be truly independent, never had to live alone for example or face life alone

I don’t feel like I didn’t independence though. I didn’t move straight from my family home into the home of a man, DH and I were together from 18 but we didn’t jump into an adult relationship. I lived with friends for 4 years, myself for 1 year and then only moved in with him when we naturally were at that point in our lives rather than being concerned that we should have done it already due to being together so long.

Plus I’m not sure what more sexual partners would have really added to my life.

oksothisisusnow · 14/10/2023 07:20

I met DH at 19, didn't get together until I was 20, still together 13 years later.
I've got friends who met at 12 and are together at 33 still.
And another friend who met her DH at 19, and is with her husband at 34.

Coffeerum · 14/10/2023 07:35

It really isn’t normal or acceptable for a 43 year old man to find a 17 year old girl sexually attractive and get into a relationship with her. It’s school age!

GilberMarkham · 14/10/2023 07:55

Coffeerum · 14/10/2023 07:35

It really isn’t normal or acceptable for a 43 year old man to find a 17 year old girl sexually attractive and get into a relationship with her. It’s school age!

Yep, a school (aged) girl and an almost middle aged man.

Why is the age of consent lower than the voting age.

That poster wouldn't even have been able to vote in an election, yet was legally allowed to decide whether to have a sexual relationship with a man a generation older than her. There's something wrong with the age of consent.

Now that I've written that, it's reminded me; is the age of consent not legal at 16 only for partners under a certain age? I think there are some mitigating circumstances.
It could well have still been statutory rape on his behalf.

What were her parents thinking??!!

If a 43 yr old looked sideways at my dd, I wouldn't need to do anything about it; because her Dad would make sure he left the country.

123sunshine · 14/10/2023 08:02

Met at 15, got married at 24, 2 children divorced at 35. We grew into different people. I encourage my 17 & 18 year olds not to settle too early, it’s good to date / have relationships and experience different things before you settle. For all the success stories, there are many like myself that don’t make it.

GilberMarkham · 14/10/2023 08:05

I've just reminded myself of the legal age for smoking and it's also been 18, apparently since the 90s.

Again, why is the age for consent - something that has so many implications for physical and mental well-being, and has such capacity for exploitation by older people (I can't say even older adults because the person allowed to give consent by law is not even legally an adult, are they) ..... Lower than that for being sold tobacco or allowed to vote in an election.

GilberMarkham · 14/10/2023 08:11

There is also complete insanity re "virtual sex" Vs actual physical sex;

  • Any sexy photo of someone under the age of 18 is considered a paedophilic image in the eyes of the law.
  • Sexy messages as well as photos could count as ‘sexual activity’ in the age of consent law.
  • So, is sexting illegal? If either of you is under 18, sexting is indeed considered illegal – even though you can have actual sex at 16.

WTAF.

How in earth can you have such contradictory laws?

Surely if the above are true, having physical sex under 18 should also be illegal.

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https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/sexting-sex-and-relationships/is-sexting-illegal-28371.html

iLovee · 14/10/2023 08:11

Totally agree! It's not romantic in the slightest It's predatory 🤮

Cotswoldmama · 14/10/2023 08:19

Yep I was nearly 18 when we were properly going out we were on/off for about a year before that. We met in sixth form I was lower sixth he was upper. I changed the uni I applied to to go to one in the same city as him. We didn't live together until we were about 23/24 we returned home from uni and both lived at home until we saved enough for a deposit for a flat. Then at 26 we got married, first baby at 29, second at 31. I'm 39 now. Our best friends relationship is nearly identical to ours which is funny we all met at around 16!

determinedtomakethiswork · 14/10/2023 08:52

Motomum23 · 13/10/2023 14:24

Yes met DH at 17 - now 37 - been married 17 years in December with 4 kids. More in love than ever if that's possible. There's also a 26 year age gap between us.

He was 43 and you were 17 when you met?

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/10/2023 14:53

DoraSpenlow · 13/10/2023 22:01

I was 14 he was 18. Have just had our Golden Wedding. Wouldn't change a thing. Wish we could start again.

I hope you weren't having sex at that age.

DoraSpenlow · 15/10/2023 15:58

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/10/2023 14:53

I hope you weren't having sex at that age.

Show quote history

Indeed not. The first time was on our wedding night. (Not joking - different times). I was 19 when we married.

DoraSpenlow · 15/10/2023 15:59

Had also never been on holiday together.

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 16/10/2023 23:54

Met in 2003 when I was 19 and he was 20 (21 two months later). We are 39 and 41 now, been together just over 20 years and have two teenage lads. There’s been ups and downs over the years, we are still thankful we got to find each other so young.

ResearchMcResearchFace · 17/10/2023 00:15

I met my ex at 16, he was 18. Broke up at 34. It was a long time coming.
I do regret being together at such a young age. I didn't move away to university, didn't live in a shared house, didn't go travelling. I aged before my time, staying in and having a Chinese on a Saturday night in my twenties instead of going out. We had a big group of friends and probably went out every other weekend but it wasn't the same.
You might not miss out on one night stands but you miss out on stories. You miss out on holiday romances, that butterfly feeling, good sex with someone unsuitable, office crushes, rebounds. You miss out on that first kiss, first date, first holiday away which is the best bit of dating. No it isn't the same with someone you've known for 25 years.
My friend is married to someone she met at school but I think they did it right. They went to different uni's, lived apart, had loads of separate friends and interests, travelled separately, got good jobs and careers. They actively made their own lives and could have split at any point, rather than just 'oh I guess you'll do' like a lot of people, who just stick to what they know.

Also, some people aren't that bothered because they just don't like sex that much and so having it or not having it with the same person forever doesn't bother them.
I will be teaching my kids to be single for as long as possible! I'm loving single life now but I'm old, tired and busy and I have kids!

Georgeandzippyzoo · 17/10/2023 00:18

Met at uni. He was 18 and I was 21. Dated 2yrs later , been together 29yrs .
He is my favourite person and we just get on great x love of my life x

ResearchMcResearchFace · 17/10/2023 00:23

@Cornishmaiden the man that Shania Twain sang that song for left her for her best friend, romance is dead.

Spendysis · 17/10/2023 00:26

I was 17 dh is 8 years older still together and I am 46 now

Opine · 17/10/2023 00:32

I know a woman who has a 20 year age gap between her and her DH. She was 16 when they met. He was divorced but had an 18 year old child at that point.

They’re still tighter with children. She’s an odd character. She relishes in telling the tale as though it would impress. It’s as though she’s telling her school friends behind the lockers. All giddy & excited. She’s very dull & mumsy yet very childish. As though her development has been altered in some way.

He has money and has showered her with luxury from the outset. It’s a continuation of the grooming & into daddy complex. The whole thing is just nauseating and them still being together is almost Stockholm syndrome to my mind.

When my DD was that age she was only marginally more mature than she was at 14. Still having hissy fits and forgetting why I sent her to the shop. Dirty plates all over her room & using all my toiletries.

The thought of a 43 year old even looking at her is vile. Furthermore, neither I nor her father was even 43 when she was 17.

it’s not OK & there’s no need to mention it unless it is to court a reaction.

Opine · 17/10/2023 00:33

Together 16 years later for Context.

capabilityfrowns · 17/10/2023 00:40

Met at 15 he was 21 . Married 25 years 2 kids . No longer together. Regret that though as so much shared history and we got along . Wish we'd just stayed together.

Floralnomad · 17/10/2023 00:44

Met at 18 , been together 38 yrs , married for 34 yrs - very happy .

GreenClock · 17/10/2023 00:47

Some lovely stories on here.

Not the grooming one with the 26yr age gap, obv 🤮 but the ones where couples met as teens and are still happy in middle-age. Playing the field until you’re 30+ ain’t all it’s cracked up to be!

Boobsallgone21 · 17/10/2023 00:54

Met at 16 still together at 57! Lots of ups and downs but wouldn’t change it.

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