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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you met your Dh in your teens

269 replies

Oldabondonedswings · 13/10/2023 14:23

Are you still together? How is life now?
I met Dh at 17, looking back we were just babies, 45 now…interested to see if anyone is in a similar situation.
Did your relationship last?

OP posts:
OhDoSitDownAndShutUp · 13/10/2023 18:18

I was 18, he 19, when we met. Got engaged, moved in together, got married, had 2 kids. We've now been married 43 years

Moneypenny007 · 13/10/2023 18:19

Met when I was 17 and he had just turned 20. Still together, I'm 36 next month.
We have 3 kids together. I did get pregnant young but we finished our family last year. V spread out but life happened.
This past year or so has been difficult, I won't lie. Hoping it's a bump in the road.

Squidge123 · 13/10/2023 18:20

Met at 17 and still together now and i am 46. On the night we met my best friend who I was with also got together with his twin and they are still happily married as well.

MonikerBing · 13/10/2023 18:22

Nope, not together still. Met when we were both in the first year at uni. Divorced when we were 45 after a very bad few years.

I have had a ball in the 7 years since! I do have some regrets about being with him from so young. We broke up when we were early 20s and circumstances forced us back together. I don't bother having regrets, but I do sometimes think it might have been more fun to have stayed split up.

SkippingOnSand · 13/10/2023 18:23

@Whisperingangel1 we moved around a lot, particularly to different countries ( armed forces ) I don't even live in my home country, much less my home town.
I think if you've found ' the one ' then you will probably be happy wherever you live.

ObsessedWithZach · 13/10/2023 18:37

We met at 19 at uni. We're now in our 40s with two children, one at uni and one in year 10. It's really nice to have been through everything together.

I've never had any regrets or thought I've missed out on anything, I suppose because we've never been unhappy in our relationship. We've moved to a new country, travelled and are both happy with what we're doing in life. I can't imagine I'd have found anyone more suited to me if I'd have dated for another 10 years or however long.

raspberrytart · 13/10/2023 18:40

I was 18 he was 20. . I'm 52 and he's 55 this Yr.

raspberrytart · 13/10/2023 18:43

Had our ups and downs. Got an 18yr old with sen and ld. We are stronger together even though he's useless sometimes. I would be lost without him and he's got my back

HelpMeHelpTheKids · 13/10/2023 18:46

Oldabondonedswings · 13/10/2023 14:29

Does anyone regret/feel curious about not having any/many other relationships and sexual partners?
I often if it’s not the greatest thing I’m the world that I’ve never had to be truly independent, never had to live alone for example or face life alone

I met STBXDH at university at 19. He was 18. We were together for 22 years. We were very much in love (perhaps even more so at the end) but the fact he secretly became obsessed with never having had other sexual relationships, combined with unresolved childhood issues that neither of us realised the extent of, plus a bid to alleviate the responsibility that comes with children, led to him finding extremely unconstructive ways of dealing with this (sex workers and drugs). I definitely feel we both would have benefitted from having other relationships/break-ups before meeting each other, but equally I know a fair few people who were childhood sweethearts and spent happy lives together, so I think it depends on the individuals.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 13/10/2023 21:20

Motomum23 · 13/10/2023 14:24

Yes met DH at 17 - now 37 - been married 17 years in December with 4 kids. More in love than ever if that's possible. There's also a 26 year age gap between us.

Sorry I'm glad you're happy but if my 17 year old came home with a 43 year old! Then again loads of girls were doing this when I was 17.

Merseymum992 · 13/10/2023 21:34

You were 17 and he was 43...?
There's a word for that

Merseymum992 · 13/10/2023 21:37

You'd be pleased if your 17 year old daughter (still a CHILD, remember) was to bring home a 43 year old man then?
He was a groomer. I'd watch him around any young girl.

CatherinedeBourgh · 13/10/2023 21:40

Onthelongroad · 13/10/2023 14:26

DH and I were 18 and 19 when we met. Still together nearly 30 years later and very happy.

A lot of luck though - my conviction that we were perfect for each other when we were teens could easily have turned out to be wrong, I didn’t know much about life then - but happened to be totally right!

Exactly what I was going to write. A bit more than 30 years now, but other than that exactly word for word the same.

UndertheCedartree · 13/10/2023 21:43

I met my ex-DH when I was 19 and he was 18. We married at 20/21. I don't regret it atall. Although we split 6 years ago we are still good friends and have 2 lovely DC. I don't think us meeting young had any baring on us splitting up

HideTheCroissants · 13/10/2023 21:43

DH became part of my friends group when I was 17. We got together when I was 18. We’ve been together 35 years. Married for 32. Two grown up children.
No previous sexual partners.
Very happy.

Needeyebrows · 13/10/2023 21:44

Met DH when I was 19 and he was 20. He was my first boyfriend and I was his first proper girlfriend. Both virgins. We got married after eight years. We have three amazing children and a very nice life. We have been through so much together but still best friends. Kids are teens now so really starting to get our life back, nights out, sex etc. I love him more than ever.

There's a lot to be said for meeting somebody in your teens. You grow together and no baggage.

CoalCraft · 13/10/2023 21:45

Met DH when I was 18 and he was 19. Got together six months later. We married when we were both 24 and have since had two children. We're now 29/30 and going as strong as ever.

I had one previous boyfriend when I was 16-17. DH had never been in a relationship before me.

ShowOfHands · 13/10/2023 21:47

Met at 17 and have been together for 25yrs.

And no we haven't stayed in our home town. What a weird assumption. We've also pursued our ambitions and goals and are happy and well-rounded people. Just happen to have done it while in love with each other.

CatherinedeBourgh · 13/10/2023 21:47

I don't think I'd be who I am now if I had stayed with him or travelled/had the career I've had. I've often wondered if those that stayed with their childhood loves ever had those regrets? Or if life was more simpler by not moving away from your home town? As in you don't have anything to compare it with so you're happy with what you have? Or are things easier because you've grown together?

We are from different countries and cultures, both moved abroad for uni, met there, have since lived in 5 different countries together, travelled loads for work. Neither of us went back to our home towns. I'd had a number of relationships by the time I met him at 19, including some with considerable age gaps, so did have something to compare it with.

But yes, things are easier because we've grown together. The travelling, the career, the moving countries was all a part of that growing together. We had 15 years together before we had dc too, so did lots of partying as well.

Getting married doesn't mean giving up on doing anything you want to do, it just means doing it with someone else.

Goldfishonabike · 13/10/2023 21:54

all these are so lovely to read. I think it can be really good to meet early and grow up
together. So many shared memories and bonds and you know each other inside out. I wish I could’ve met my DH early on! But I wasn’t ready. I’m sure many of the guys I dated through teens and twenties could’ve been great life-long partners, but I just wasn’t ready and destroyed all those relationships one way or another. Didn’t manage to settle until met DH at age 29 and he was 32. Which meant we didn’t have a lot of time together before getting married and having kids, which I think negatively impacts us now. Also, there’s so much we still don’t know and understand about each other and we were already a bit set in our ways when we met. Plus,
the baggage of past relationships is nothing to envy, it just weighs you down and makes you triggered in various ways.
But I think maybe you have to be quite mentally stable and/or mature or maybe just very certain you want to commit to find love and stay in a relationship early on. I wish that would happen for my kids! Don’t wish for them the lonely and messed up years I went through in my twenties, sure it was exciting, I travelled the world and had lots of short term relationships and one night stands and cigarettes in bed and black coffee and bohemian adventures bla bla, but I wasn’t happy for the majority of the time, so don’t think you’ve missed out on something if you met someone early!
My parents met at 16 and 18 and together since, now 73 and 71! And still happy, like two pieces of one whole. I don’t think DH and I will ever be like that, we got together too late. But trying to build a life and memories now.
Treasure what you have, all of you long term lovers : )

DoraSpenlow · 13/10/2023 22:01

I was 14 he was 18. Have just had our Golden Wedding. Wouldn't change a thing. Wish we could start again.

midlifemelancholy · 13/10/2023 22:03

Yes. Still together
I love him very much

Diversion · 13/10/2023 22:04

Set up on a blind date by a mutual college friend when he was 18 and I was 16. Married 34 years with 4 children and we are an amazing team! Complete opposites in many ways and of course there have been bumps in the road but proud of what we have achieved and our lovely family.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 13/10/2023 22:05

I was 17 and DH was 16 when we met. We have been together 39 years and married 27. Three children. It’s unusual. But has worked for us.

Goldencup · 13/10/2023 22:06

Motomum23 · 13/10/2023 14:24

Yes met DH at 17 - now 37 - been married 17 years in December with 4 kids. More in love than ever if that's possible. There's also a 26 year age gap between us.

That's grim a 43 year old with a 17 year old ? Not cool.

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