To feel upset about my husband’s reaction to Israel/Palestine

[Tiredboymum22]

I’m a British Ashkenazi jew with family in Israel. I feel broken. Firstly, I don’t support the Netanyahu government or the ever expanding settlements in the West Bank. But obviously I support Israel’s right to exist. I feel devastated for innocent civilians on both sides.

DH is very left wing/was pro Corbyn. I always knew he supported Palestine but, so far, he has said that the BBC are right NOT to call Hamas terrorists. Asked what Israel did to trigger the attacks on Saturday. Then questioned whether the images were staged/Israeli propaganda. Also commented on a Palestinian having a “jewish nose”. Hasn’t asked about my family but has told me I’m up Israel’s arse. My mum’s friend also compared Hamas to Nelson Mandela and told her she’s shocked at her support for Israel (this was the day after the attacks).

AIBU to feel completely betrayed, depressed and alone? I feel guilty for feeling this way as I genuinely sympathise with the Palestinians and obviously I’m safe in my bed whilst many have nowhere to go, have lost loved ones, etc.

Sorry to start another thread. Just needed to vent.

How did this not come up before you married?

Did you even bother reading that post @Threemangoes? Where does it mention killing anyone?

I said target them in UK. Have you not read my post?
The poster is clearly inciting hate speech by suggesting muslim children are told to hate Jews. And she wants to target them in UK to I doctrine them or something. I have reported her comment to mumsnet.

Your husband is a twat. Regardless of his opinions, he should be there for you and ask about your family.

And btw, I think what Israel is doing in Gaza is a war crime. Nevertheless, I can have sympathy for ordinary Israelis, as I have for ordinary Palestinians. The least your husband can do is offer sympathy and a shoulder.

He is entitled to his opinions which sounds like he is questioning not supporting either side. Suppression of someone’s opinion in a marriage is wrong and maybe they need to split up if one party is not allowed a voice

I don’t think this is really about politics at all. Your husband is being a goady arse for the sake of it and trying to wind you up.

Frankly, you don’t deserve abuse in your own home. If he won’t shut his trap knowing he upsets you, show him the door.

I disagree strongly with my DDs about so called trans/GC stuff but we talk around the subject or just avoid it altogether.

To be honest I think you are being U because this isn’t really a situation where you can take sides, atrocities have occurred on both sides. Neither comes out as a pillar of honour frankly

He's being cruel and unsupportive of you, and sounds like his enjoyment of virtue signaling is more important to him than you are.

YANBU, that's appalling behaviour on his part. I would end it over that.

I'm on the left and am really shocked by the number of people this week saying 'it's terrible but ...' Just that complete inability to acknowledge the horror for even a minute without equivocation. I saw this on Insta earlier (think it's from an article in The Atlantic, and it really resonated:

@Britneyfan , that was an excellent response. I agree with your every word.

Irrespective of where peoples sympathies lie in this situation, it's possible to take a non confrontational viewpoint while realising others close to you may feel differently about it.

Re the Palestine/Israeli situation, to me there are too many people who want to see it in black and white, and not what the world really is, which is shades of grey.

Your husband should be able to take a different viewpoint to you, whilst still being sensitive to your feelings and why you feel about the situation the way you do. If he can't, it probably doesn't bode well for the future, because in any relationship if you both dig your heels in and take polarised viewpoints on issues there is non common ground for compromise.

I'm on the left, voted for Corbyn for leader, have been opposed to the expansion of Israeli settlements post-1967, and am appalled at the way the Palestinians have been treated, but even I don't try and defend the actions of Hamas, or any other group that attack civilian populations. And the reason I don't try and defend them is because they are indefensible.

I think your DH is being an utter arse, and especially crass not to grasp that for you this really feels personal, because you have family who might be at risk. He needs a massive empathy injection.

My heart goes out to all the ordinary, civilian populations of both countries who are living in fear, and especially to those who are desperately trying to flee Gaza when much of the area has been reduced to rubble and they don't have fuel.

To anyone reading who has family and friends in the area, I hope they are all safe and that they stay safe. ❤

Hideous.

The lazy, uncritical, ideological tribalism related to this conflict is unedifying enough but using recognisablly racist, antisemitic tropes in the company of your own wife is another thing entirely.

I'm not sure I could reconcile myself to this. It's a horrible, divisive conflict with far-reaching ripple effects. I'm sorry for those who feel vulnerable and isolated by the groundswell of prejudiced sentiment arising from this, very depressed by the rise in UK antisemitism which has been documented in the news for many years now, and empathetic to all who have loved ones in the region and who must be desperately worried.

Awful times.

There are plenty of British people who are horrified at what Hamas have done here and who stand with Jewish people at this time.

I don't question that antisemitism has been on the rise in Britain for a long time. I wasn't a Corbynista largely because of the stench of antisemitism pervading Labour at that time. Whether you view him as guilty of this form of racism or not, the conditions were such that it was able to flouish under his watch. By the same token, in academia there are now serious repercussions for those studying this region who have questioned the behaviour of Israel and found themselves on the receiving end of accusations of antisemitic racism. People have lost their jobs because of this. Unions have also waded in to protect those people's jobs and been accused of antisemitic campaigns against Jewish students.

I'm horrified by what Hamas have done. I'm also horrified by what the far-right, oppressive Israeli government have done to Palestinian citizens, having seen for myself the terrible conditions under which they are living on the West Bank. No human beings should have to live the lives they live. There are wrongs on many, many sides of this conflict, some of which emanate from far beyond the borders of Israel/Palestine. It's sad to see the flocking toward lazy left/right tribalism without much critical examination of why those distinctions are these days questionable at best. The whole situation is far more nuanced and complex than that.

Whatever the wrongs of the above situations, It's a frightening time in UK history for Jewish people, and this is in no way acceptable.

Not all Palestinians are Hamas in the same way as not all Germans were Nazis.
50% of the Palestinian population are children. Israel cutting off their water and electricity is wrong and cannot be supported. Telling them to leave Northern Gaza within 24 hours - where are they meant to go with limited fuel and no safe routes?
No one can take the moral high ground in this tragedy.

This is awful and your husband is a fool...

It is one thing to express sympathy for civilians in Palestine who are endlessly caught in this conflict and are paying the price.

It is unacceptable though to suggest that Hamas are anything other than terrorists (they don't even care about their own civilians and just use them as pawns in their fanatical, vile activities).

It is also unacceptable for your husband to speak to you in that way and to fail to grasp that you are worried for your family and friends in Israel.

Do you have kids with that man? If so doesn't he realise that they are Jewish too as their mum is Jewish?

Frankly it sounds like you need to leave that man and get his toxicity out of your life.

He said The BBC are right not to call Hamas terrorists.

And the BBC's long-standing impartiality policy involving not calling anyone terrorists has been explained earlier on the threat.

But the OP hasn't defended the actions of Netanyahu's government. It's her husband who has taken a side.

Has he though?

Don't most impartial people deplore what has been done and also deplore what is being done?

If the OP is against what the Israeli government are doing and her husband is against what the Israeli government are doing then aren't they on the same side?

I'm so sorry Tiredboymum22 Your DH is being unreasonable insensitive and antisemitic.
Like you I am an Ashkenazi Jew previously married to another Jew and have two daughters and two grandsons who by definition of having Jewish mothers are also Jewish.
My DP is not Jewish but he is very well read on the subject of history and the Middle East. We don't agree but he understands my feelings at this present time. Not sure if I could carry on living with a husband like yours 😢

I'm not on the side of anyone who makes disparaging remarks about a "Jewish nose".

Because her husband hasn't asked after her relatives in Israel and he made an antisemitic comment about noses.