To feel upset about my husband’s reaction to Israel/Palestine

[Tiredboymum22]

I’m a British Ashkenazi jew with family in Israel. I feel broken. Firstly, I don’t support the Netanyahu government or the ever expanding settlements in the West Bank. But obviously I support Israel’s right to exist. I feel devastated for innocent civilians on both sides.

DH is very left wing/was pro Corbyn. I always knew he supported Palestine but, so far, he has said that the BBC are right NOT to call Hamas terrorists. Asked what Israel did to trigger the attacks on Saturday. Then questioned whether the images were staged/Israeli propaganda. Also commented on a Palestinian having a “jewish nose”. Hasn’t asked about my family but has told me I’m up Israel’s arse. My mum’s friend also compared Hamas to Nelson Mandela and told her she’s shocked at her support for Israel (this was the day after the attacks).

AIBU to feel completely betrayed, depressed and alone? I feel guilty for feeling this way as I genuinely sympathise with the Palestinians and obviously I’m safe in my bed whilst many have nowhere to go, have lost loved ones, etc.

Sorry to start another thread. Just needed to vent.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this.
I’m a Jew married to a Jew thank goodness but I’m really finding out who my friends are this week and that is heartbreaking enough. Having your husband say such awful things must be a hundred times worse and in your position I’m not sure I’d be able to continue the relationship.
I hope your family and friends in Israel are as safe as possible 💜

Your husband is making antisemitic remarks to you about someone having a ‘Jewish’ nose. That is totally not on - does he actually realise what he’s said?
Most people I know in the Jewish community have at least one connection with someone caught up in the atrocities so yes, we should be ‘us Israel’s arse’ about this.
if he’s pro-Corbyn you’re on a losing streak here I’m afraid.
And yes, I’m also an Ashkenazi Jew and also not pro Netanyahu or the settlers. Most people on both sides want peace.

This post is very balanced IMO and you make good points. I don’t either government has covered themselves in glory.

OP, I don’t know as much about the situation over there as others but the comment about Jewish nose seems very left field and it’s a shame he doesn’t ask after your family.

My boyfriend is very pro-Palestine but I’d hope he wouldn’t make a comment like that or not show compassion to me if I had family out there.

Sickening events like these we have all been witnessing polarise people’s feelings.
But your husband has been pretty shitty with the things he said and you should let him know.
But as you say in your first post there are no real good guys in this other than all the innocent family’s being murdered.
We can’t do anything except talk about it sadly and hope there’s a way out of this.

Your feeling are your feeling and nobody can tell you they're not valid @Tiredboymum22 but if it was me I'd be communicating and asking him what he meant by for example the "Jewish nose" comment. You might find you're not as far apart as you think. Presumably you don't agree with Herzog's comments denying the existence of innocent Palestinian civilians for example? So that's a bit of common ground.

♥️

as another PP said, religious belief and politics are deal breakers… I’ve dated people before then realized they were aggrieved, right wing nut jobs, when I’m center left.

couldn’t do it. So sorry and I hope your family is OKAY

YANBU. I have relatives in Israel (fortunately they are OK for now, but I've been worried sick). I strongly dislike Netanyahu; am a strong supporter of Peace Now and Middle East peace and co-existence movements; and detest the view that criticism of the Israeli government or the Occupation is antisemitic...But these sorts of pro-Hamas comments ARE antisemitic and anti-peace. Nothing can justify Hamas attacking a music festival (mostly attended by peace movement supporters) and kibbutz members and killing children.

The person on the radio yesterday as a guest on GB news gave the exact quote from BBC news at the time of ISIS rising. I will see if I can go back on YouTube to find it as you clearly don't believe me.

Some if the comments he made would have made me kick him out . So basically is a terrorist sympathiser qnd suddenly your Jewish heritage is the issue .

This thread really shows how many people don't see antisemitism as 'real' racism.

I'm sorry OP, I'm jewish as well, married to a non jew. I know my DH has my back 100%, I don't think I could be with someone who didn't.

Just remember that one man’s freedom fighter is another man’s terrorist. How about you meet half way with him and call them a militant group?

Surely you knew how he felt before marrying him? Why did you?

It's not two objective opinions though. One person has an opinion on something happening in the Middle East that has no day to day effect on them. The other one is Jewish with family and friends who have actual links to the situation. Whatever his opinion is, if he had some respect or care for her or her family he would have kept his mouth shut. What benefit does he get from distressing his already distressed wife? By him keeping his trap shut, the benefit would have been a not upset wife.

People change, otherwise no one would ever divorce!

No, yanbu. I'm deeply uneasy about aspects of Israel's response to the terrorist acts by Hamas last weekend, and I'm a bit unnerved by what appears to be the almost unconditional support from Western governments, including our own. What Hamas did in Israel was utterly abhorrent but I don't think innocent Palestinian civilians should be made to pay for it.

So I think there is room for different perspectives in all of this, but frankly, your H just sounds deeply antisemitic. I'm so sorry.

Husband is clearly not just pro-Palestine or anti-Israel but anti-Semitic in general. Talking about “Jewish noses” and staged attacks clearly reveals him to be a conspiracist mired in race hatred.
On a more general note, it’s always worth pointing out that Labour under Corbyn was the most electorally successful anti-Semitic party in western Europe since 1932. Too many “useful idiots” make excuses for that.

His comments are unsupportive and disrespectful to you at this time. I would not want to be around him any more, tbh.

@Tiredboymum22 , in every AIBU thread in connection with this war approximately 20% of respondents fall on the side of the Palestinians. The Metropolitan police report a three fold increase in antisemitic crime since the war began. The BBC have refused to call Hamas terrorists (which they are). Joyful celebrations have occurred across the world including the U.K. unapologetically happy that Jews have been made to suffer. Suggestions have been made on MN that the crimes of Hamas have been exaggerated or that Isreal are asking Palestinians to move southward in order to trap and annihilate them. Posters of kidnapped Israeli children put up in London have been ripped down and put in bins. Jewish schools have shut their doors. I could go on sadly. Antisemitism has never gone away.
I’m sure people will tell you your husband has a right to his opinions which of course he does. It’s possible to criticise the actions of the Israeli government without being antisemitic just as it’s reasonable to criticise the actions of Islamic extremist terrorists without being racist. I do think though that in different circumstances these same people would be telling you that your husband has an appalling lack of respect for your feelings. He is giving his political beliefs a higher priority than you, that would worry me a lot. Obviously you need to point this out to him and then you can gauge by his reaction where you stand.
I stand with the innocent and hope for a two state solution and peace in the Middle East. You are in a difficult situation, I hope you find your peace too; with or without your husband. 🙏🏻

Your husband sounds like a basic moron I'm afraid. How utterly cruel not to ask how your friends and family in Israel are. Of course the events of last weekend were acts of terror. They were the very definition. The response amounts to war crimes. Both these things are true. I've never said it before on mumsnet, but I wouldn't stay married to him I'm afraid.

Sending you a vitual hug op. Having family in Israel right now is terryfying.

Your husband is an uncaring twat.

P.s im an Arab.

I used to be a left wing Corbyn supporter that somehow believed that the aggression was all coming from Israel. But I have been watching some videos that have changed my view. Hamas ARE terrorists with support from Iran. They refuse to recognise Israel as a legitimate country. So what is the solution? It’s not as simple as Israel withdrawing from Palestine. If they did they would come under attack because Hamas want to destroy Israel.

You are certainly not alone. I am Christian and stand with Israel on this, just about the only democracy in that area. I think it is very important those of us who support Israel say so otherwise we may be drowned by a sea of voices of support for Hamas and Palestinians.

I was never a Trump supporter but I was very pleased that he/the USA recognised Jerusalem as Israel's capital in 2017.

Now is the time to root Hamas out, destroy all the tunnels and make Gaza safe for everyone including so it cannot be used to invade Israel again and behead babies on Jewish soil.

Perhaps in the UK we also need more resources going into communities where small children in the UK may be being taught to hate Jews so that we breach a multicultural wall on this issue because it is a teaching that breaches our laws here in the UK.

I never thought you and I would agree on anything @Xenia but here we are in total accord.