To feel upset about my husband’s reaction to Israel/Palestine

[Tiredboymum22]

I’m a British Ashkenazi jew with family in Israel. I feel broken. Firstly, I don’t support the Netanyahu government or the ever expanding settlements in the West Bank. But obviously I support Israel’s right to exist. I feel devastated for innocent civilians on both sides.

DH is very left wing/was pro Corbyn. I always knew he supported Palestine but, so far, he has said that the BBC are right NOT to call Hamas terrorists. Asked what Israel did to trigger the attacks on Saturday. Then questioned whether the images were staged/Israeli propaganda. Also commented on a Palestinian having a “jewish nose”. Hasn’t asked about my family but has told me I’m up Israel’s arse. My mum’s friend also compared Hamas to Nelson Mandela and told her she’s shocked at her support for Israel (this was the day after the attacks).

AIBU to feel completely betrayed, depressed and alone? I feel guilty for feeling this way as I genuinely sympathise with the Palestinians and obviously I’m safe in my bed whilst many have nowhere to go, have lost loved ones, etc.

Sorry to start another thread. Just needed to vent.

How can people not be embarrassed to post such gratuitously nasty posts such as these? They just sound so stupid 🤷🏼‍♀️

Perhaps because he isn’t an anti-semite?

It sounds like he's anti Semitic. How do you want to move forwards with your marriage?

It's presumably because the OP has family in Israel

You can hold your own views yes but the nose statement is racist and the arse statement is rude , the lack of concern for family is ugly and the staged statement is not normal

Change it to a slightly less sore topic and I think most people would be saying leave as he has no respect for you

I was wondering how long it would be before someone claimed talk of a "Jewish nose" isn't antisemitic.

I thought we'd get to page 3.

This is awful. I would really struggle with this. I am left wing in many ways but because of the typical left wing views on Israel, I keep my left wing friends at arms length until I have really figured out their views and know whether or not I can trust them to be able to offer support when things in Israel blow up, without counter-attacking me about the Palestinians' situation.

It only takes a situation like this for the masks to fall off.

Everyone has the right to a political opinion, it is about sensitivity to suffering and the ability to see another perspective. Is he a dickhead on other things too?

It must be very isolating in your marriage.

I hope you have other people you can lean on at this time.

Yet they did call ISIS terrorist. I see no difference between ISIS and Hamas.

I doubt they did. Have you got a link?

Nelson Mandela was on the US terrorist watch list until 2008. I am not saying Hamas are not terrorists or what they do isn’t wrong but Isreal has always been a pressure cooker and the establishment of these groups isn’t a shock. People who are in shackles resist in one way or another. Nelson Mandela is one example. Hamas are another.

This.

You seem really naive.

He hates Jews and you are Jewish. Are you really just noticing this now?

Honestly, he sounds horrible and anti-semitic (and before someone comes along to explain the difference between being anti-semitic and opposed to the Israeli government I understand the difference and still think he's anti-semitic).

The big question is why it's taken you this far to realise?

This would be a complete dealbreaker for me.

Your husband is an antisemite
The nose comment is abhorrent
Its not a different political view- he supports terrorism

@SurprisedWithAHorse

Antisemite and anti zionist are (or should be) two different things.

How horrible for you, OP. I don't know how I could move past this. My life partner was black Caribbean and I am of Ashkenazi descent, and of course we didn't agree on everything. It's OK for your dh to hold different views from you on the political actions necessary to move forward from here; it is not OK for him to be so callous and indifferent to the pain of the Jewish people and in particular that of the Jewish woman he is married to. He doesn't have your back. That is terrible.

Times of heightened emotions tend to show us what separates us and what brings us together. This is especially true in a marriage.

Do you remain convinced of your DH's ultimate humanity and compassion? Is he "practicising" his political beliefs on you?

There's no way that weathering this will be easy. Try not to jump to any conclusions about each other. Try to urge peaceful compassion, both ways. It might help.

I don’t see how that makes a difference. I think he sounds rude but perhaps that’s because she’s trying to police his opinion?

I would divorce him - yes.
It is an intolerable situation now for you, and his conspiracy theories have probably grown in time, and we’re not obvious initially. I couldn’t even look at him, so my view is that you have no option. Throw him out and his antisemitism and find someone that loves you and understands how hard it is to live with your history.

Should have covered his arse by talking about Zionist noses then, shouldn't he?

Apparently they also don't use the word bombing when referring to what's being dropped on the heads of Gaza's people but rather call it a pounding.

Sorry you have to put up with this, OP.

It sounds like your husband's critical thinking skills haven't evolved since his student days.

It's dreadful that he hasn't even asked after your family in Israel.

The BBC thing is a blanket rule.

As I understand it the BBC deliberately don't decide whether one group is "terrorists" and another "freedom fighters", as part of their commitment to impartiality they don't use such loaded terms.

Bullshit.

I can't imagine having family located in Israel or Palestine right now, you must be so scared and worried about your family right now. I agree that Israelis should have a safe place to exist along with Palestinians and everybody else.

As to why the BBC don't call Hamas terrorists -

Terrorism is a loaded word, which people use about an outfit they disapprove of morally. It's simply not the BBC's job to tell people who to support and who to condemn - who are the good guys and who are the bad guys.

I don't think it's fair to complain that the BBC aren't calling Hamas terrorists as they aren't calling the Israel government terrorists either when they are terrorists. Both Hamas and Israel are guilty of the below.

Dictionary
Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more
terrorist
/ˈtɛrərɪst/
noun

1. a person who uses unlawful violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.

A lot of us feel terribly alone right now. I don't know what is worse, the prancing Hamas supporters who don't even understand the complexity of the situation, or the silence of 'friends' who don't want to be politically unfashionable. Anyone who sees this terrorist atrocity as intended or likely to make life better for innocent Palestinians is an idiot.

Like you, OP, I am highly critical of Netanyahu and hugely sympathetic to the Palestinian people. But I am so done with having to justify myself as the right kind of Jew to all the casual antisemites crawling over social media right now.