To feel upset about my husband’s reaction to Israel/Palestine

[Tiredboymum22]

I’m a British Ashkenazi jew with family in Israel. I feel broken. Firstly, I don’t support the Netanyahu government or the ever expanding settlements in the West Bank. But obviously I support Israel’s right to exist. I feel devastated for innocent civilians on both sides.

DH is very left wing/was pro Corbyn. I always knew he supported Palestine but, so far, he has said that the BBC are right NOT to call Hamas terrorists. Asked what Israel did to trigger the attacks on Saturday. Then questioned whether the images were staged/Israeli propaganda. Also commented on a Palestinian having a “jewish nose”. Hasn’t asked about my family but has told me I’m up Israel’s arse. My mum’s friend also compared Hamas to Nelson Mandela and told her she’s shocked at her support for Israel (this was the day after the attacks).

AIBU to feel completely betrayed, depressed and alone? I feel guilty for feeling this way as I genuinely sympathise with the Palestinians and obviously I’m safe in my bed whilst many have nowhere to go, have lost loved ones, etc.

Sorry to start another thread. Just needed to vent.

LOL. Thank you.

If he loves you, he should love you as a Jew. I am so offended by the comment about being up Israel's arse. Even Jews who think Israel is a fucking basketcase will have a deep emotional attachment to it. As will Palestinians, who I expect may also nurse deeply ambivalent feelings right now. That is the crux of the problem, no? No one is doing this for shits and giggles, or because their primary motivation is racism.

With my dp, we did sometimes disagree about, for example, the case for reparations, or the trial of OJ Simpson. But we also loved and were interested in learning about each others histories.

Sorry, I feel like I'm arguing with your dh myself. I'll shut up now. Solidarity.

Thanks you anyway

actually Jewish people saying what you say here does help as I have seen a lot of dehumanising talk - not caring about children as collateral damage - from people (claiming to be ) Jewish - it's good to me reminded that not all Jews are like that

I think you should absolutely in a marriage be able to tolerate disagreement, but there are times when sensitivity is called for. The worst attack on Jews since the holocaust of course feels more personal for a Jew. And that’s without having family involved. It’s a bit like arguing over the rights and wrongs of abortion when your sister has just had one. Fair enough but be sensitive right? It sounds like his self-righteousness is clouding his compassion, which is awful. You’re his wife, not some guy on a chat forum or random down the pub.

He has voiced his opinion on something that to him is an academic discussion that doesn't affect him in any way to his Jewish wife who has family in Israel. He has shown no consideration to her or her feelings and instead has resorted to anti semitic tropes and pretending that Hamas haven't really beheaded Israeli children.

To the people asking how we’re still together, his opinions have gotten more extreme these past few years. He’s still pissed Corbyn didn’t win. Back then we agreed to disagree and brushed it under the carpet. Our marriage is shaky anyway but this feels like another nail in the coffin.

Yes, this exactly.

I’m so sorry, it must be dreadful to be married to someone who seems to not care about you at such a fundamental level.

@Angrycat2768 I understand the difference of opinion, I just don’t believe her opinion trumps his. I do think he’s rude and certainly could express his opinion less abrasively but it’s his to hold. All these posters saying they couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who holds different views, honestly I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who just mimicked my opinion.

It's more than a difference of opinion when her family is potentially affected. He doesn't even care about that. He's a twatwaffle.

My DH is also a Cobynista. I have issues with the Left and some of the things he says that I know have passed blindly from Novara Media etc to his mouth. We don't talk about it, and, as you did, we brushed it under the carpet. We occasionally clash when he tells me I am brainwashed by mainstream media or tries to mansplain Trade Unionism to me ( someone with a Masters in Employment Law who was a trade union rep for 10 years!) But if I was Jewish and he showed me such a lack of respect and consideration for my family I would find it very hard to forgive that. I presume by your username you have children, so his children are Jewish.

@steff13 so basically you believe that if your family are involved everyone must agree with you? That’s not how opinion or logical thought works. We don’t decide things based on who is the most distressed at any given moment.

I can understand why you feel upset by his attitude, but I think you are unreasonable to expect him to share your opinion because he is entitled to his own. Personally I think the BBC’s decision to refrain from using the term “terrorists” is very reasonable as it would cause increased tensions and possible outbursts in the UK.
You absolutely have the right to be sickened by what is happening in this awful, awful war, but you cannot dictate what others should think and feel.

Oh god.

Are we in the same discussion space as Brexit where somebody posts an easily verifiable fact and somebody else posts “Bullshit”?

I think the very least she can expect him to do is ask whether her family in Israel are OK and not use anti-Semitic tropes.

Yes, of course, that's exactly what I mean, and it's clearly what I said. 🙄

I think that if your family is potentially in peril your spouse should care about that and have some empathy for you and them. There's no evidence that he's exhibited any empathy for the OP, aside from making potential antisemitic comments.

Jesus christ

FFS of COURSE Hamas are terrorists! It’s one thing debating whether the BBC need to avoid using this term for anyone but it’s quite another to not have them recognised as such under your own roof in the aftermath of this sort of atrocity when your wife is Jewish! I’m absolutely gobsmacked that 20 percent of voters here think YOU are being unreasonable to feel isolated and betrayed here OP.

Holding different views within a marriage on certain topics is possible but I don’t personally think it’s doable for one person to essentially be racist against the race of the other and have a healthy marriage… Imagine a white person married to a black person with family close to a flashpoint during the Black Lives Matter stuff flaring up initially, and the white person is arguing at the time that using the n-word is fine, supports the “All lives matter” movement, and doesn’t ask after family…. And then when the black person feels upset by it 20 percent of mumsnetters say they are being unreasonable?! By finding it upsetting?!! Come on. In fact it’s worse than that because it’s as if there is actually an environment where much of the rest of society thinks the “All lives matter” brigade are in the right.

This is beyond the pale and ultimately I don’t see how your marriage can survive it. I can see how it’s possible for opinions to change or become more extreme over the years but when it’s something so personal to you as this OP, I don’t think it’s going to work. Being Jewish goes to the core of your identity and he has shown here that he is antisemitic in my opinion as well as just generally lacking in empathy and indeed the love for you that he should have.

I am so so sorry that your husband does not have your back and show love, care and support for you and for your family at such an awful time. And I’m even more sorry that you have to read some of the shit that people are posting on here when you’re already feeling broken and worried for your family. I hope you’re not in an abusive marriage (I do wonder for him to express things the way he has and you still to be in the relationship). Please don’t be gaslighted by your husband or people on here to think this is ok because it really really isn’t. I can’t think of another topic where people would dare to assist him in gaslighting you like this actually. It’s not you, it’s him. And sadly it seems a whole lot of the general public too. But please know that you are not alone. There are plenty of British people who are horrified at what Hamas have done here and who stand with Jewish people at this time.

No but they should shut up and keep it to themselves, and show some empathy for his wife and her family. He cares more about virtue signalling his politics which will do nothing about what is happening in the ME than he does about not adding to his wife's distress which will have the direct effect of not adding to the distress of his wife.

Can't you read?

I’m your position, because you’ve said your marriage is already shaky, I would divorce him. Do you have children together?

In your position 🤦‍♀️

This is so off

It would be the final nail if I were you.