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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

856 replies

Xandria22 · 13/10/2023 10:21

My oldest friend is getting married in December and I just got the invite. It has mine and DH name on it not our 3 kids. This is absolutely not a problem. Who wants to party when you have kids!

We are only invited to the night do (I think it’s a very small day do) and I have messaged her to ask if I can bring the baby who will be 4 months old as he is exclusively breastfed. My message basically said ‘if it fits in with your wedding plans could we bring the baby as he is completely breastfed and we wouldn’t be able to leave him for that long. If it’s a problem we won’t be able to come to the wedding but we won’t be offended we would understand and wish you all the best’

We live an hour away and have nobody nearby who we can leave the baby with. She hasn’t replied to me but when I reached out to another friend she has said that the bride is not happy with my request.

The hen do is next week and I’m a bit apprehensive (more so because DH is coming to the hotel where it is being held with the baby in a room so he can phone me when to feed him).

I thought I was being completely reasonable. She could say no babies/children and that would have been done. Am I missing something?

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 12:26

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 12:24

😂

The gracious response by OP would have been to decline the invitation on the basis of it not suiting her needs, rather than questioning something already made clear.

Show quote history

Come on, the bride would be pissed off about that too.

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 12:27

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 12:25

So she had time to whinge about the OP to another friend but not 30 seconds to compose a quick reply to a text?

When the friend in question cares so much about her that she has organised childcare for two older children and is getting her husband and baby to stay in a hotel room where the hen do is being held so she can still attend?

Pull the other one.

Either way, this is a friend I'd be bothering with a bit less in the future.

Show quote history

Yes, she did. Clearly.

Is OP being forced to go to either the hen do or wedding? No. I’m not seeing anything that suggests the bride would take issue with OP declining.

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 12:27

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 12:26

Come on, the bride would be pissed off about that too.

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…and we’re clearly back to making shit up.

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 12:31

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 12:24

😂

The gracious response by OP would have been to decline the invitation on the basis of it not suiting her needs, rather than questioning something already made clear.

Show quote history

So focused on how graciously the bride should have behaved, whilst totally dismissing any such behaviour being expected from the guest...
You're a caution, @MargotBamborough

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 12:32

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 12:31

So focused on how graciously the bride should have behaved, whilst totally dismissing any such behaviour being expected from the guest...
You're a caution, @MargotBamborough

Show quote history

What was ungracious about the OP's behaviour?

She explained that her baby is too young to be separated from her and made it perfectly clear that if the no kids rule also applies to babes in arms then that's absolutely fine, she just won't be able to attend.

That's much nicer than just, "Sorry, can't make it."

daliesque · 15/10/2023 12:37

This is getting more and more hilarious. Whenever there is a thread about replying to messages there is a general acceptance that it's ok to wait a bit before replying and that someone demanding a reply is a cheeky fucker.

Unless you are a bride it seems. In which case everything else ie actually more important stuff, has to be dropped to reply to a message that isn't actually urgent.

Of course the bride might not be on here and so hasn't seen the "helpful" suggestions of what she should be replying.

Also she is allowed to discuss, chat to, or even have a rant with, other friends and mention her feelings about a certain situation. After all, the only reason the OP knew she wasn't happy about her request to bring an uninvited guest was because she was talking about the bride to another friend.

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 12:40

daliesque · 15/10/2023 12:37

This is getting more and more hilarious. Whenever there is a thread about replying to messages there is a general acceptance that it's ok to wait a bit before replying and that someone demanding a reply is a cheeky fucker.

Unless you are a bride it seems. In which case everything else ie actually more important stuff, has to be dropped to reply to a message that isn't actually urgent.

Of course the bride might not be on here and so hasn't seen the "helpful" suggestions of what she should be replying.

Also she is allowed to discuss, chat to, or even have a rant with, other friends and mention her feelings about a certain situation. After all, the only reason the OP knew she wasn't happy about her request to bring an uninvited guest was because she was talking about the bride to another friend.

Again, it's not about time because the bride found the time to slag the OP off to a mutual friend. That's incredibly rude, especially when talking about a close friend who has gone to a lot of effort for you in other ways. A polite response to the actual person is the only appropriate course of action here.

daliesque · 15/10/2023 12:46

Again, it's not about time because the bride found the time to slag the OP off to a mutual friend. That's incredibly rude, especially when talking about a close friend who has gone to a lot of effort for you in other ways. A polite response to the actual person is the only appropriate course of action here.

Meanwhile the OP it only took time to also talk about the bride with a mutual friend (the slagging off/bitching is just in your completely fake narrative) but also posted about it on here.

A polite response would have been to a) wait for a reply b) rung the bride or c) declined in the first place.

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/10/2023 12:56

Ramalangadingdong · 15/10/2023 12:07

I agree with you. I don’t get all the fuss about babies crying. They’re only tinies. It’s not like the noise we adults make when we kick off.

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@Ramalangadingdong

its worse. Most adults don’t piercing scream and cry as loud as they can

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 12:58

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 12:32

What was ungracious about the OP's behaviour?

She explained that her baby is too young to be separated from her and made it perfectly clear that if the no kids rule also applies to babes in arms then that's absolutely fine, she just won't be able to attend.

That's much nicer than just, "Sorry, can't make it."

Show quote history

No, it really isn’t. OP didn’t have to pose the question to the bride, requiring her to restate something she had already made clear.

‘Unfortunately I have to decline because I wont be able to leave my breastfed baby’ would have been perfectly sufficient, and doesn’t put the bride in a position of having to repeat herself and say ‘no’.

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 12:59

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 12:40

Again, it's not about time because the bride found the time to slag the OP off to a mutual friend. That's incredibly rude, especially when talking about a close friend who has gone to a lot of effort for you in other ways. A polite response to the actual person is the only appropriate course of action here.

Edited
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‘That’s incredibly rude’

oh fucking well 🤷🏻‍♀️

FreeRider · 15/10/2023 13:22

Yeah no. Myself and husband made it clear no babies...his cousin turned up with theirs - late - and the baby then screamed throughout our vows, to the point where the registrar stopped halfway through. They still didn't get the fucking message to take it outside!

My late MIL was livid - husband was her only child - and never talked to that particular cousin again.

greenhydrangea · 15/10/2023 13:33

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 12:40

Again, it's not about time because the bride found the time to slag the OP off to a mutual friend. That's incredibly rude, especially when talking about a close friend who has gone to a lot of effort for you in other ways. A polite response to the actual person is the only appropriate course of action here.

Edited
Show quote history

Jesus, judgemental or what. The bride felt the need to vent about a difficult position she's been placed in to another person. It's her wedding.

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 13:34

daliesque · 15/10/2023 12:46

Again, it's not about time because the bride found the time to slag the OP off to a mutual friend. That's incredibly rude, especially when talking about a close friend who has gone to a lot of effort for you in other ways. A polite response to the actual person is the only appropriate course of action here.

Meanwhile the OP it only took time to also talk about the bride with a mutual friend (the slagging off/bitching is just in your completely fake narrative) but also posted about it on here.

A polite response would have been to a) wait for a reply b) rung the bride or c) declined in the first place.

The OP posted it on here to see whether she was being unreasonable. She has never claimed to be too busy to talk to the bride.

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 13:35

greenhydrangea · 15/10/2023 13:33

Jesus, judgemental or what. The bride felt the need to vent about a difficult position she's been placed in to another person. It's her wedding.

Show quote history

She hasn't been placed in a difficult position, she just needed to politely confirm that the OP cannot bring her baby.

It might be her wedding but no one else's life revolves around it.

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 13:36

Anyway, as I said, I'd be going to a lot less effort for this friend in future.

greenhydrangea · 15/10/2023 13:37

It might be her wedding but no one else's life revolves around it.

Nor should her wedding revolve around someone's breastfeeding.

StarlightLime · 15/10/2023 13:39

It might be her wedding but no one else's life revolves around it
Which would only be relevant if attending was compulsory, so it's a pointless statement to make.

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 13:42

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 13:36

Anyway, as I said, I'd be going to a lot less effort for this friend in future.

Episode 2 Whatever GIF

✨And nothing of value was lost✨

IdaPolly · 15/10/2023 13:43

My friend's baby was older but I was still glad she contacted me and said her dd was still breastfed etc. I said the baby could come. I wouldn't have wanted them to not come. I wasn't annoyed but pleased she asked

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 13:43

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 13:42

✨And nothing of value was lost✨

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To the person doing the backing away, no.

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 13:44

greenhydrangea · 15/10/2023 13:37

It might be her wedding but no one else's life revolves around it.

Nor should her wedding revolve around someone's breastfeeding.

Who has said this?

It's her bitchiness I'm objecting to.

notlucreziaborgia · 15/10/2023 13:45

MargotBamborough · 15/10/2023 13:43

To the person doing the backing away, no.

Show quote history

Mmm-hmm.

daliesque · 15/10/2023 13:45

She has never claimed to be too busy to talk to the bride.

But, shock horror, maybe the bride was too busy to talk to her. Or maybe the bride was too pissed off to talk to her and needed to have some time to chat with another friend in order to reply without saying fuck off.

Maybe what I've said is bollocks, but it is no more bollocks than the story that you are weaving which reads very much like "breastfeeding woman never wrong....bride always wrong"

Atticustheaardvark · 15/10/2023 13:46

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/10/2023 11:37

Look a bride and groom are entitled to have a child free wedding if that’s why they want. It’s their special day so it’s up to them, no one else.

it really is that simple.

This. Absolutely this.

There was literally almost a punch-up at my wedding because my 3 and 5 year old nieces were there, but no other children.

A work colleague of my DH got the absolute arse about it, and spent a large part of the day chuntering to anyone who would listen that 'only allowing selected children was wrong'. Unfortunately, one of the people she decided to vent to was (unbeknown to her) my brother - the father of said nieces. The row that followed (and at 9pm, booze was probably a factor), quickly turned volatile.

And in case anyone has read this far and thinks this WAS unreasonable of me, the nieces were our bridesmaids, ffs!! 😂

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