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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask to bring my baby to a wedding?

856 replies

Xandria22 · 13/10/2023 10:21

My oldest friend is getting married in December and I just got the invite. It has mine and DH name on it not our 3 kids. This is absolutely not a problem. Who wants to party when you have kids!

We are only invited to the night do (I think it’s a very small day do) and I have messaged her to ask if I can bring the baby who will be 4 months old as he is exclusively breastfed. My message basically said ‘if it fits in with your wedding plans could we bring the baby as he is completely breastfed and we wouldn’t be able to leave him for that long. If it’s a problem we won’t be able to come to the wedding but we won’t be offended we would understand and wish you all the best’

We live an hour away and have nobody nearby who we can leave the baby with. She hasn’t replied to me but when I reached out to another friend she has said that the bride is not happy with my request.

The hen do is next week and I’m a bit apprehensive (more so because DH is coming to the hotel where it is being held with the baby in a room so he can phone me when to feed him).

I thought I was being completely reasonable. She could say no babies/children and that would have been done. Am I missing something?

OP posts:
Warum · 13/10/2023 16:30

Screwballs · 13/10/2023 16:28

Once upon a time, Weddings were celebrations of two families coming together. Apparently that is a long gone tradition and its all now all about the attention.

I imagine the next generation will ban grandparents for not fitting the aesthetic.

Weddings are about whatever the couple want them to be about/they can afford. Lavish affairs are also not an option for many, and people will chose different ways to keep numbers to a minimum if need be.

Warum · 13/10/2023 16:33

shakeitoffsis · 13/10/2023 16:17

@Dogon most are breastfed?
Quick count of friends and their babies and 95% were never ever breastfed. Not even for a second. Only on Mumsnet does everyone breastfeed for years.

In my circle there were a lot of breastfed babies, to at least 6 months anyway. I don't recall anyone using breastfeeding as an excuse to take the child somewhere it wasn't actually invited though, the invite would just be declined or the mum may go for a shorter time/express milk if that was an option.

Mostlyoblivious · 13/10/2023 16:38

Warum · 13/10/2023 16:33

In my circle there were a lot of breastfed babies, to at least 6 months anyway. I don't recall anyone using breastfeeding as an excuse to take the child somewhere it wasn't actually invited though, the invite would just be declined or the mum may go for a shorter time/express milk if that was an option.

Show quote history

It’s not an excuse, it is a reason.

Warum · 13/10/2023 16:41

Mostlyoblivious · 13/10/2023 16:38

It’s not an excuse, it is a reason.

Show quote history

It's an excuse if the baby wasn't originally going to be invited.
If someone doesn't invite children they've already discounted any valid reasons for them to come.

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 13/10/2023 16:41

Mrsjayy · 13/10/2023 15:27

Its her wedding day but yeah just a party how silly of me.

Show quote history

OP hasn’t been invited to the wedding, only to the reception. So yes, in that sense it is just a party.

redribbonrose · 13/10/2023 16:48

I can't understand why that request has offended her?

Didnt she reply?

Some people are so weird with this stuff

Warum · 13/10/2023 16:52

redribbonrose · 13/10/2023 16:48

I can't understand why that request has offended her?

Didnt she reply?

Some people are so weird with this stuff

Maybe she's not sure how to respond, being as she already clearly indicated who was included on the original invite?

Mrsjayy · 13/10/2023 16:54

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 13/10/2023 16:41

OP hasn’t been invited to the wedding, only to the reception. So yes, in that sense it is just a party.

Show quote history

The reception Is part of the wedding which the bride may or may not be stressed about.

Ididivfama · 13/10/2023 17:18

You’ve done nothing wrong. Of course you can’t attend if you’re breastfeeding a baby. You’ve just let her know.

Ididivfama · 13/10/2023 17:21

Also you weren’t even invited to the whole thing! Tbh I wouldn’t bother going anyway. She’s being rude about it though.
I had loads of requests like this when getting married and I wasn’t a b*tch to them.

Ididivfama · 13/10/2023 17:22

@shakeitoffsis depends on your circle. Most people I knew breastfed and did for at least a year. About half of us kept on until 2 years.

Lelophants · 13/10/2023 17:25

Screwballs · 13/10/2023 16:26

Strangely child loathing thread for a forum called Mumsnet

As always. So much pettiness and childism. Humans aren’t as important as dogs you see.

SophieStew · 13/10/2023 17:28

shakeitoffsis · 13/10/2023 16:17

@Dogon most are breastfed?
Quick count of friends and their babies and 95% were never ever breastfed. Not even for a second. Only on Mumsnet does everyone breastfeed for years.

You must know that MN is very MC and that MC women are more likely to breastfeed.

I only know one person in my wide friendship group who didn’t breastfeed. Most of us EBF for at least 6 months. Many extended breastfeeding for over a year. Admittedly I am a nurse and possibly stats are higher but only about a third of my friends are also NHS workers.

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 17:28

Childism... 🤦‍♀️

DrMarshaFieldstone · 13/10/2023 17:32

shakeitoffsis · 13/10/2023 16:17

@Dogon most are breastfed?
Quick count of friends and their babies and 95% were never ever breastfed. Not even for a second. Only on Mumsnet does everyone breastfeed for years.

Repeating the same process and I don’t know anyone who didn’t breastfeed at least for the first month or so. Most to 12 months, many longer. We all exist off Mumsnet, too.

ChristmasKraken · 13/10/2023 17:54

Screwballs · 13/10/2023 16:28

Once upon a time, Weddings were celebrations of two families coming together. Apparently that is a long gone tradition and its all now all about the attention.

I imagine the next generation will ban grandparents for not fitting the aesthetic.

Plus, when we got married, we spent a lot of money and thought in ensuring our reception was an event our guests enjoyed. The whole "it's their day, they're paying for it, they can do what they like" seems so at odds with wanting your guests to have a good time.

ZickZack · 13/10/2023 19:14

You were allowed to ask, she's allowed to say yes/ no. Why do people make these things more complicated than it should be.

SacAMain · 13/10/2023 19:40

because you shouldn't ask, you put people on the spot and it's rather rude.

If she wanted to have someone else, baby or toddler, at the wedding, it would be on the invitation.

StarlightLime · 13/10/2023 19:48

ZickZack · 13/10/2023 19:14

You were allowed to ask, she's allowed to say yes/ no. Why do people make these things more complicated than it should be.

The one's making it more complicated are the one's not able to accept that the invitation actually means what it says, and deciding to just check.

Frostyloz · 13/10/2023 20:20

Perhaps she’s quite set on ‘no babies’ and is upset that you won’t be at her wedding rather than upset that you asked. Or maybe she’s wrestling with herself before responding as it’ll put her in an awkward position with others that she’s enforced the ‘no babies’ rule with. Or maybe she genuinely doesn’t understand and is annoyed that you won’t leave your baby to attend her wedding.

I don’t agree with other people’s logic that it was clear from the invite. She wouldn’t include your babies name on the invite if she doesn’t know you’re breastfeeding and/or doesn’t know breastfed babies can’t be left. You were perfectly reasonable to ask the question in my opinion.

cansu · 13/10/2023 20:36

It was obvious that the baby was not invited. You made it awkward by asking. If you can't leave your baby don't go.

Redcargidan · 13/10/2023 20:36

In my circle there were a lot of breastfed babies, to at least 6 months anyway. I don't recall anyone using breastfeeding as an excuse to take the child somewhere it wasn't actually invited though, the invite would just be declined or the mum may go for a shorter time/express milk if that was an option.

Every single one of my friends, except me, has breastfed. Every single one of them has used this as a reason not to go anywhere without their children not just for weeks but for months going in to years. One of them does extended breastfeeding and hasn't ever left their 18 month old for anything and won't express. In fact I don't think any of them express. They either come along and bring their baby to the whole thing or don't go, that is for adult only social events, parties, weddings, lunches, as well as child centred events.

Qilin · 13/10/2023 20:41

Sayitaintso33 · 13/10/2023 10:31

No need to ask, not only is there no service to disrupt, babes in arms are always welcome alongside their mother, and possibly their father.

Unfortunately they are not always welcome.
As appears to be the case here.

Ponderingwindow · 13/10/2023 21:54

shakeitoffsis · 13/10/2023 16:17

@Dogon most are breastfed?
Quick count of friends and their babies and 95% were never ever breastfed. Not even for a second. Only on Mumsnet does everyone breastfeed for years.

Breastfeeding is highly correlated with socioeconomic status and cultural group. If a woman breastfeeds, odds are high that virtually every other woman she knows with a baby also breastfeeds.

kelassa · 14/10/2023 05:59

A wedding reception with loud music isn't really a suitable place for a young baby anyway.

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