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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think any parent would do the same? Or am I bonkers

803 replies

Doritosandsourcream · 11/10/2023 08:02

On holiday in the buffet eating dinner all I could hear was my son crying walking from the bar with his juice in his hand. I thought oh maybe he fell over so DH went over to him. Turns out that this little girl that has been picking on him for the past 2 days her dad has grabbed DS and twisted arm so tight he broke his skin and dug his nails into him. (German family)

DS has been coming to me about her saying she keeps pushing him and sticking her fingers up since they arrived. DS finally got annoyed and pushed her back earlier on in the day and she told her dad. So dad got his own back on DS.

I ran over to DH as he was shouting at the dad and the dad was just smirking and something just came over me and I punched him in the face.

Never in my life have I punched anyone and I didn’t think about the consequences at the time I just kept looking at my son he was in flood of tears.

It was the weirdest feeling I have never felt adrenaline like it.

aibu? How would you have handled it? The hotel did absolutely nothing.

OP posts:
Warum · 11/10/2023 08:45

RichPetunia · 11/10/2023 08:44

Off track a little, but there are comments about why the OP had mentioned the family is German. The answer is simple - she was describing them 👊🏼.

Nope, pointing out someone's nationality doesn't 'describe' them, it labels them.

Beezknees · 11/10/2023 08:47

I'd have done the same. I actually think it's fine to retaliate to violence with violence but I know that's incredibly unpopular. Bullies pick on people they perceive as weak, they deserve a taste of their own medicine.

If someone punched my DS then he'd have my full support in punching them back, I always tell him don't ever be the first one to initiate violence but always stand up for yourself.

Kaill · 11/10/2023 08:47

Police in a foreign country wouldn’t do anything about this. They couldn’t do much anyway given that the perpetrator doesn’t live there. Even in the UK he’d probably just get a telling off. The only way he was ever going to see any retribution was directly from OP. So I think he deserved it, and will hopefully think twice before assaulting a little kid again.

Warum · 11/10/2023 08:47

Doritosandsourcream · 11/10/2023 08:44

because as me and DH were saying on the way home maybe they do things different to us. Over here we would go talk to the parents it would be rare for an adult to attack a 6 year old in the uk. I know Germans are quite strict and tough that’s why I added it in. (Cultural differences)

I am not sure where you are getting your information about German parents from tbh. I don't think a German parent would be anymore likely to 'attack' a child than a British one tbh, not sure what's making you conclude that.

Kitcaterpillar · 11/10/2023 08:48

Love when Mumsnet turns into fight club. Course you'd have all knocked him out, of course you would.

But to the boxers in the group, does it not occur to you that watching your mum lose control and punch a man in the face is likely to be every bit as traumatic as the initial German dad incident. I know in your heads you'd be wreathed in righteous flames and everyone would gaze in awe. But in reality, you'd be a sunburnt woman at a breakfast buffet in a subpar resort swinging a feeble arm at a man carrying a plate of varied breakfast meats...

orangegato · 11/10/2023 08:50

I’d have smacked the cunt too. Well done OP.

SallySunrise · 11/10/2023 08:50

I'd have probably done the same thing. What kind of scum assaults a six year old?! He deserved a taste of his own medicine.

PottedPlantsObsess · 11/10/2023 08:50

hellohellothere · 11/10/2023 08:31

So you cemented that by punching someone?

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Alwaystired2023 · 11/10/2023 08:51

Lots of responses here but no one knows what they would have done, I don't know how I would react if someone broke the skin on my child's arm it just does not bear thinking about and I am so sorry that it happened to you

PottedPlantsObsess · 11/10/2023 08:51

Kitcaterpillar · 11/10/2023 08:48

Love when Mumsnet turns into fight club. Course you'd have all knocked him out, of course you would.

But to the boxers in the group, does it not occur to you that watching your mum lose control and punch a man in the face is likely to be every bit as traumatic as the initial German dad incident. I know in your heads you'd be wreathed in righteous flames and everyone would gaze in awe. But in reality, you'd be a sunburnt woman at a breakfast buffet in a subpar resort swinging a feeble arm at a man carrying a plate of varied breakfast meats...

😂😂😂pure gold

trulyunruly01 · 11/10/2023 08:52

When you say the man 'got his own back' on your ds,what exactly do you mean?

Warum · 11/10/2023 08:52

Kitcaterpillar · 11/10/2023 08:48

Love when Mumsnet turns into fight club. Course you'd have all knocked him out, of course you would.

But to the boxers in the group, does it not occur to you that watching your mum lose control and punch a man in the face is likely to be every bit as traumatic as the initial German dad incident. I know in your heads you'd be wreathed in righteous flames and everyone would gaze in awe. But in reality, you'd be a sunburnt woman at a breakfast buffet in a subpar resort swinging a feeble arm at a man carrying a plate of varied breakfast meats...

I wouldn't have 'knocked him out'.
I'd have been watching my 6 year old more closely to start with, and had he mentioned any sort of issues I would have done my best to keep him away from the little girl. I would have possibly mentioned it to anyone running a kids club that they might both attend (just as an issue between them, no accusations). Not sure if the kids would even be in the same clubs - it's a long time since I was abroad but when we stayed in a place with mostly UK/German visitors the two nationalities did their own thing really.

Warum · 11/10/2023 08:53

SallySunrise · 11/10/2023 08:50

I'd have probably done the same thing. What kind of scum assaults a six year old?! He deserved a taste of his own medicine.

Remember we're hearing one side of this.

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2023 08:53

Warum · 11/10/2023 08:45

Nope, pointing out someone's nationality doesn't 'describe' them, it labels them.

Show quote history

Labels them as German....which is what he was.

I don't get all this "why did you say he was German?" Because he was. End of.

Just like if I'd done something in a foreign country, I'd expect to be described as "the English woman" when anyone retold the story.

rainbowstardrops · 11/10/2023 08:53

Doritosandsourcream · 11/10/2023 08:31

I have told DS that he can’t punch people or put his hands on anyone and it’s unacceptable.

And yet you can?

Jeez, where is this hotel? It sounds like it's full of thugs!

LaMarschallin · 11/10/2023 08:53

Kitcaterpillar

I know in your heads you'd be wreathed in righteous flames and everyone would gaze in awe. But in reality, you'd be a sunburnt woman at a breakfast buffet in a subpar resort swinging a feeble arm at a man carrying a plate of varied breakfast meats...

You've described the situation very much as I see it.
The original description just lacks an "and everybody clapped" at the rout of the German family who, obviously, everyone else hated too.

Warum · 11/10/2023 08:55

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2023 08:53

Labels them as German....which is what he was.

I don't get all this "why did you say he was German?" Because he was. End of.

Just like if I'd done something in a foreign country, I'd expect to be described as "the English woman" when anyone retold the story.

Show quote history

What does him being 'German' add to the story? Nothing.
It's irrelevant.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/10/2023 08:55

Doritosandsourcream · 11/10/2023 08:12

They left right away went back to there
room so many other families wanted them out. The hotel did absolutely nothing it was shocking as if they didn’t know how to handle a situation like that.

You're upset with the hotel for not kicking you out and calling the police on you?

AuntieMarys · 11/10/2023 08:56

You sound classy

Heykitty · 11/10/2023 08:56

I suspect that at worst the other father told your son off for being an annoying brat and pestering his daughter.

Your son (and why is a 6 year old unsupervised in an hotel anyway?) then puts a spin on it and claims to have been assaulted.

You sound awful and sounds like your son is emulating your behaviour. Pity you weren’t charged with assaulting the German dad.

44PumpLane · 11/10/2023 08:58

I have never hit anyone in my entire life, but honestly OP I absolutely applaud you!

The man is a bully, a cowardly shitty bully to physically hurt a 6 year old like that.

I think what you did was the only thing you had available to you in that moment and far better that you hit him than your husband.

If your husband had hit him it could have ended in a brawl and people being truly hurt. The fact you hit him probably "hurts" worse as he will have been embarrassed.
I wouldn't advocate going round punching people in general- the fact he was willing to assault a child means he would have been more likely to assault you too- but I must say I'm glad you did!

VerticalSausages · 11/10/2023 08:58

Is this a test script for a new series of Benidorm?

Warum · 11/10/2023 08:59

VerticalSausages · 11/10/2023 08:58

Is this a test script for a new series of Benidorm?

Classic!

44PumpLane · 11/10/2023 09:00

@Heykitty probably fairly easy to see whether the child has broken skin and a red mark though? If my child told me that had happened and had broken skin and a red mark I would believe them, what a shame that you couldn't say the same about your own child.

And at 6 it's perfectly reasonable to let them have a small amount of freedom, such as going a few meters away to a buffet to grab some juice in a resort.

Warum · 11/10/2023 09:01

@44PumpLane
The man is a bully, a cowardly shitty bully to physically hurt a 6 year old like that.

Based on OP's telling of the story, perhaps, but there is always at least two sides to every story. Why did she even let it escalate this far, or indeed any of the other family members she is on holiday with?

And at 6 it's perfectly reasonable to let them have a small amount of freedom, such as going a few meters away to a buffet to grab some juice in a resort.

The child has clearly been on their own a few times, based on how her story seems to have unfolded.