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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think any parent would do the same? Or am I bonkers

803 replies

Doritosandsourcream · 11/10/2023 08:02

On holiday in the buffet eating dinner all I could hear was my son crying walking from the bar with his juice in his hand. I thought oh maybe he fell over so DH went over to him. Turns out that this little girl that has been picking on him for the past 2 days her dad has grabbed DS and twisted arm so tight he broke his skin and dug his nails into him. (German family)

DS has been coming to me about her saying she keeps pushing him and sticking her fingers up since they arrived. DS finally got annoyed and pushed her back earlier on in the day and she told her dad. So dad got his own back on DS.

I ran over to DH as he was shouting at the dad and the dad was just smirking and something just came over me and I punched him in the face.

Never in my life have I punched anyone and I didn’t think about the consequences at the time I just kept looking at my son he was in flood of tears.

It was the weirdest feeling I have never felt adrenaline like it.

aibu? How would you have handled it? The hotel did absolutely nothing.

OP posts:
whathappensattheappointment · 11/10/2023 08:16

Course you are in the wrong. You should not have punched the person

BUT sometimes in life like when your child has been assaulted by a grown man, you've (well your DH has giving him a good shout at and still he is laughing about hurting your child) then this is the time in life where your mother instincts kick in. Yes you pinched him, was it wrong? Of course it was but to be honest good on you. I'm just glad he didn't hit you back

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 11/10/2023 08:16

You’ve only taught your cold to react violently in tricky situations. What you should have done is remove your child from the situation, taking your DH with you and walked to reception and asked them to call the police as an adult has assaulted your child.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 11/10/2023 08:16

Child not cold

Forgotmylogindetails · 11/10/2023 08:17

I would have done exactly the same.

yes your kid shouldn’t have pushed but the father should never have touched your son.

when it comes to my kids I’m another level of angry x

Whattodo112222 · 11/10/2023 08:17

Two wrongs don't make a right OP
.

HeadNorth · 11/10/2023 08:18

You punched a man at a hotel buffet? To me that is inexcusable and I can imagine no situation that would lead me to do that -it is such a bizarre reaction to me. I would imagine you or your neighbours appear on Jeremy Kyle and have burnt out washine machines and old beds in your front gardens.

My instinct would be to absent myself and my child from the situation then discuss with DH how to deal with it. Not fisticuffs.

FrenchandSaunders · 11/10/2023 08:20

Christ where is this place 😳🤣

FrodisCapering · 11/10/2023 08:20

Well done, mum.
What you've done is you've shown your little boy that his mum will protect him.

SirCharlesRainier · 11/10/2023 08:23

Didimum · 11/10/2023 08:09

I would absolutely understand the urge to, but no - this is completely unacceptable. You assaulted someone. Yes, the man assaulted your child, but what exactly are you trying to teach your son? That you just go and punch people? You should have demanded to speak to hotel management and security about an adult’s attack on your son, and even asked to make a police report.

I don’t see why it’s relevant to inform us that they were German.

She's teaching him that if a grown man assaults your 6 YEAR OLD CHILD, you smack that man in the fucking mouth. Good for her.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 11/10/2023 08:24

The sensible part of me says of course you did the wrong thing, violence isn’t the answer ever.

But on the other hand, if a grown man assaulted my child and stood there all smug about it I can’t be sure I wouldn’t see red and punch him in the face either!

Warum · 11/10/2023 08:24

On holiday in the buffet eating dinner all I could hear was my son crying walking from the bar with his juice in his hand. I thought oh maybe he fell over so DH went over to him. Turns out that this little girl that has been picking on him for the past 2 days her dad has grabbed DS and twisted arm so tight he broke his skin and dug his nails into him. (German family)

How old is DS (to be going for food alone)?
Have you watched every interaction and know that the little girl always instigated the unpleasantness? How has she been 'picking on him'?
While what you describe the dad doing is clearly unreasonable, it seems odd he would do this to a child who is apparently doing nothing wrong (or had your child done something to the little girl which would also be deemed unacceptable)?
Was your child struggling with the man in any way, resisting whatever he was doing (e.g, he trying to forcefully move him away from his daughter?)
Why is the nationality relevant?

DS has been coming to me about her saying she keeps pushing him and sticking her fingers up since they arrived. DS finally got annoyed and pushed her back earlier on in the day and she told her dad. So dad got his own back on DS.

Maybe her father only witnessed your son doing the pushing, and wasn't aware his child had been doing this? The way you describe what he did does make his actions above sound unreasonable - is this what you are referring to as 'get his own back'?

I ran over to DH as he was shouting at the dad and the dad was just smirking and something just came over me and I punched him in the face.

YABVU punching him, there is no excuse, and what example is that setting to both of the children?

Never in my life have I punched anyone and I didn’t think about the consequences at the time I just kept looking at my son he was in flood of tears.

I understand this was upsetting, but you have to realise that punching someone is not the answer - unless they are already attacking you physically!

It was the weirdest feeling I have never felt adrenaline like it.

aibu? How would you have handled it?

By removing my child from the situation as soon as he mentioned any sort of issue with the other child, by keeping a closer eye on him, by mentioning it to anyone who might be running any holiday club etc (not laying blame just mentioning there seems to have been some sort of issue between the children).

The hotel did absolutely nothing.

What were you expecting them to do? Having punched another adult I am not sure they would have taken your side anyway? They may have suggested involving the police if the man really did attack your child in the way you describe, but then lots of people presumably saw you throw a punch.

They left right away went back to there
room so many other families wanted them out. The hotel did absolutely nothing it was shocking as if they didn’t know how to handle a situation like that.

Well, handling it might have involved removing you too, because you punched someone! Did you conduct a straw poll of the feelings of the other guests? Maybe the other families would have preferred you 'out' too.

You weren't in one of the Canary Isles perchance were you?

CoffeeMama1 · 11/10/2023 08:25

If anyone physically assaulted my child they'd be lucky to only get a punch to be honest. I'd like to think the worst I'd do is pour something on them and call the police but I genuinely already feel the rage so I can absolutely see how you punched them.
Yeah its probably not the best way to handle it but what kind of sick and twisted prick assaults a child.

Littlegreene82 · 11/10/2023 08:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RowenaEllis · 11/10/2023 08:27

I think I'd have been tempted to punch someone who assaulted my 6 year old, yes. I probably wouldn't have done it but I don't blame you.

LadybirdLover · 11/10/2023 08:27

Doritosandsourcream · 11/10/2023 08:14

I wasn’t bothered about being classy to be honest so many things were flicking the light my mind.

No, but you should be bothered about the awful message you’ve sent to your son that violence is okay.

Littlegreene82 · 11/10/2023 08:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/10/2023 08:27

CoffeeMama1 · 11/10/2023 08:25

If anyone physically assaulted my child they'd be lucky to only get a punch to be honest. I'd like to think the worst I'd do is pour something on them and call the police but I genuinely already feel the rage so I can absolutely see how you punched them.
Yeah its probably not the best way to handle it but what kind of sick and twisted prick assaults a child.

I’m with this!
If all you did was punch an adult who assaulted your child you were greatly restrained imo.
I don’t consider myself violent - but if someone hurts your child and your first reaction is how can I act classy, something is wrong with you.

Giveuprobot · 11/10/2023 08:27

Doritosandsourcream · 11/10/2023 08:12

They left right away went back to there
room so many other families wanted them out. The hotel did absolutely nothing it was shocking as if they didn’t know how to handle a situation like that.

No, I can't imagine they did 🤨

Okbyethen · 11/10/2023 08:28

I would've punched the fucker too. Hard.

FOJN · 11/10/2023 08:28

I abhor violence but I can absolutely understand the impulse to show this awful man what it means to be on the receiving end. I can imagine the red mist descending when confronted by a smirking adult who has just injured your child.

Children pushing and shoving each other requires a conversation not the assault of a child. His behaviour was disgusting.

I'm not sure that OP has shown her son that violence is acceptable, I think she has shown him she will defend him and that adults hurting children should never be tolerated.

beAsensible1 · 11/10/2023 08:28

A man assaulted your small child, you did what you had to do.

violence isnt always the answer, but too often on here no one does or says anything. You shouldn’t let people get away with physically violating your child.

i hope ds is ok

Jk987 · 11/10/2023 08:29

What happened after you punched him?

ActDottie · 11/10/2023 08:30

Not sure every parent would you violence but sometimes it just comes over you and it happens because you need to protect your child.

Tbh given what he’s done to your child violence is probably the only thing he understands.

clpsmum · 11/10/2023 08:30

JustPretend · 11/10/2023 08:13

Jesus, you punched a guy at a hotel buffet?

Fuck me.

Who has assaulted her child

hellohellothere · 11/10/2023 08:30

I can see why you were angry but assault is never ok. You're lucky you weren't arrested.

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