To expect my 11 year old to be able to use the toilet during the school day?

[bendy75]

Is this the norm? My 11 year old started in at secondary school last month and has had two warnings (or stage 2 - Low level disruptions) for asking to use the toilet.

I told him to try and go at break times but he tells me they are locked, confirmed today by staff when I asked, children who have a medical need can apply for a toilet pass but he does not, so has to try and go from 8.00 am until returning home around 3.00pm without using the toilet.

AIBU to be shocked by this?

This seems to be a growing trend not just at secondary but at primary too - the heads will claim it's for safeguarding. I find it disgusting and harmful personally. I can't understand how it can be normal at nursery for children to be able to go to the toilet independently as and when required and then remove this basic right as children progress through the education system. I also don't understand why more parents aren't challenging these rules.

I wonder for how many people this is the case. I personally dont think it is for majority of people.

Some schools do this to stop damage and anti social behaviour, it's terrible. There is usually a toilet pass or some protocol in which student get access to toilets either in class or at breaks. It's not always right and fair, I know schools who have vaping problems have resorted to these stricter policies. Definitely ask for the toilet policy and procedure so you can find something for your son that works. Hope you get it resolved.

They are two different points.

But if you want to get pissy (pun not intended) about me pointing out your strawman argument then so be it.
But just FYI there are many jobs that don't allow you to go to the toilet when you want/need too.

also
"If teachers cant use the loo at breaktime and are sacked for using the toilet outside of break times Im sure their union would have a field day."
This ^ isn't what I posted so get your points straight before replying to them.

There are guidelines about numbers of toilets in buildings.

Surely by definition that must mean that the toilets are available for use at all times when the building is being used for its normal use? I wonder whether schools are breaking the law by keeping them locked, at least during breaks.

To all the people saying it's a miscommunication because that couldn't possibly happen, it absolutely does happen. Both of mine go to a school that trialed this. The students started an online campaign and took it to the media and it was reversed pretty quickly!!

For all those saying it’s not true and it’s miscommunication I can assure you it’s not. It’s the same at my daughters high school and many more that I know of unfortunately.

Is a grey area - guidelines not rules.
I should say that the toilets are often quite empty at lunch/ break. Kids prefer to chat/ play.
There really is a thing that kids need to learn to go when they get the chance.
Ditto with periods - girls need ideas for managing their periods so they aren’t limited to having access to a toilet. Like predicting when it’s going to start, wearing a pad then, wearing thicker pads.
And please parents don’t tell your kids to tell the teacher they are going to “piss (or bleed) all over the chair”. That’s not appropriate language in any situation.
It’s a really difficult problem to solve. Ideally, we should be able to let the kids go when they ask.

There is no way the children arent allowed to use the toilet all day. How do you think the girls cope when they are on their period? I'm afraid it sounds like your son is telling fibs, and maybe he got those warnings for actual disruptive behaviour and is trying to get away with it. Ask his form tutor what the deal is and I'm sure you will get to the truth.

. Like predicting when it’s going to start

You sound like that American rape apologist from the bible belt who said "women can absolutely shut that thing down" when referring to ovulation Cant remember his name

I am totally against punishing kids if they need to go to the toilet in lesson time. I know someone this happened to (age 11) and she was terrified to ask to go to the toilet because of getting in trouble and ended up wetting herself. She ended up being badly bullied for it for the rest of her time at school!

There is enough time, usually, for kids to use the toilet at break or lunch. But often they're too busy with their mates, then suddenly decide to go when the bell goes.

Kids can't just up and go to the toilet when the fancy takes them. Can you imagine how many of them would just wander about? Or self harm? Or harm others? Or vape? Or take drugs? Or vandalise? Or meet friends? Or even have sex?

Teachers often manage 4 Or more hours without toilet access. We too, can have unpredictable periods and probably much worse bladder control than kids. I'm peri menopause. I have no idea where my next period is coming from. But I can't just leave my class and go, because then my class is full of unattended teenagers.

Imagine a world where we didn't have to restrict access to toilets, because we knew ALL kids would use them appropriately.

I blame the Tories. Literally all of schools’ problems go to appalling underfunding for over a decade. This trickles down - pardon the pun - to toilet supervision and usage.

I do also think covid has caused a lot of behavioural issues though.

I agree with this whole heartedly.

It’s no good everyone arguing about whose ‘fault’ this is, whether the pupils are to blame for ‘poor behaviour’ or whether the teachers are to blame for enforcing stupid rules or whether schools themselves are to blame for blindly following stupid DfE rules…

What it boils down to is the entire system is broken. It’s underfunded, outdated and unfit for purpose sadly.

If that's the case then schools are worse than prisons. Prisoners get treated better. This is why I don't regret my decision in home educating my children. That's controlling and and denying a child the use of a toilet is abuse.

I really can't believe how many of you are saying this is definitely not the case when you work in a totally different school. Exactly this was proven to happen in one of our local schools, and it is ridiculous and barbaric. Don't speak for schools you've not worked in. Of course we know it shouldn't be happening, but sadly, it is🤷.

When I was at school over 20 years ago the toilets weren't locked.

Blame the Tories?? Because some kids can’t behave and therefore get the “privilege” of toilet access removed from everyone? Do me a favour.

It’s taking the piss! Pun intended

And as for schools which have this policy: it’s a disgrace. And teachers defending it & likening it to their own working conditions, as adults… unbelievable.

They make the policy's they don't want working class kids mixing with their children. Rishi Sunak doesn't know any working class people only his own wealthy kind and that's the same for all the Tories.

Not only that, but a lot of children at schools with these restrictive policies are drastically reducing fluid intake, so they can avoid having accidents, and that's an even bigger risk factor for UTI. Pretty much every teenage girl I see with urinary problems, this is why. You'd think by the time a school had multiple letters from paediatrics, each telling them yet another of their children was having their health harmed by their policy, they'd look at the policy. But no, they just hand over a toilet pass for that one child. Drives me insane.

That’s a deeply offensive comparison.

Open the toilets and then you get bullying, children won’t use the toilets. Catch 22

My children go to different secondary schools and they also complain about the toilets being locked so they are unable to use them at break time. I think they get locked during lesson time but then no one remembers to unlock them ready for break time.