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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a "gift" back?

109 replies

OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 13:42

I'm currently decluttering. I have an iPad Pro 2021 that has just been sitting there gathering dust. It was used as my primary note-taking device for a 3-4 month stint while I was doing some courses, but now that that's over, I've been trying to sell it on.

An old acquaintances of mine saw my post on Facebook and sent a sob story about how her DS could really use it for school, how they are really struggling with the CoL crisis etc. She asked if I could loan them the iPad for 2-3 years till things get better for them. In 2-3 years it'd depreciate even more and selling it then would take more effort than what it was worth so I said I'd give it to her.

That was 2 weeks ago. Fast forward to yesterday I messaged her asking how DS was getting along with his iPad and she told me that she was planning to sell it on, get a cheaper iPad, and then use the extra money to get the kids some presents for Christmas! If I'd known her DS wasn't going to use the iPad I'd have just sold it on instead of giving it to her!! My plan was never to subsidise her Christmas...

I've since asked for the iPad back which she is very reluctant about. She's been saying something about how they've already factory reset the device, have arranged for a buyer to collect it next week, have looked into getting a base model device etc. Asked her to pay my original asking price (which is £50 more than what she's posted it for) and she said she can't afford that.

WIBU to ask her to give it back or pay the asking price minus £50? I know it was a gift but the only reason I offered to give it to her is because she said her DS REALLY needed it and was going to use it!

OP posts:
jumpfh · 10/10/2023 13:43

Never a borrower or a lender be....

You gave it to her but learn from this and don't do something like this again.

Sorry she's taken the piss though.

Fallulah · 10/10/2023 13:44

She’s cheeky but you don’t get to prescribe what someone does with a gift.

TrackerBar · 10/10/2023 13:45

Oh blimey! Go get it back! It was only supposed to be a loan.

oh hang on a minute……you gave it to her. In that case, just write it off.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 10/10/2023 13:46

Since she asked for a loan, it clearly want a gift. I would insist on it being returned and never speaking to her again.

jumpfh · 10/10/2023 13:46

so I said I'd give it to her.

It wasn't a loan?

Original poster
OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 13:47

Fallulah · 10/10/2023 13:44

She’s cheeky but you don’t get to prescribe what someone does with a gift.

The issue is that it was a gift via deceit (imo). If it weren't for her telling me how her DS really needed it, I wouldn't have considered giving it to her at all.

OP posts:
viques · 10/10/2023 13:50

You gave it to her. So you relinquished all rights to it. If you had kept it as the “ three year loan” then it would have been fine to ask for it back but you didn’t. She played you.

Original poster
OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 13:50

She said she wanted to borrow it. Her idea was that they'd keep it in tip top condition, and in 2-3 years, I'll be able to sell it as I was intending to. The issue is that tech moves quickly and in 2-3 years the iPad would probably be worth a fraction of what it's worth now. Frankly I felt sorry for her DS from what she said so I'd give it to them. No where in the equation was I expecting her to want to profit off of me.

OP posts:
JesusHRooseveltChristAgain · 10/10/2023 13:52

Yeah, she saw you coming. You've been completely scammed!
If it was a loan I'd demand it back now, and not let her sell it on.
If it was given to her, I'm after afraid you're at a loss.

MissPettigrewIsWFH · 10/10/2023 13:53

CF - get it back

Basilton · 10/10/2023 13:53

She is cheeky. But you gave it to her and you can’t ask for it back.

VineRipened · 10/10/2023 13:54

More fool you… but her behaviour has been horrible and she is a CF.

What bare faced grabby cheek..

MrsMiagi · 10/10/2023 13:55

She offered the loan option, it was you who refused and gifted the ipad (if i read this correctly). Its not yours so they can do what they like with it if that means make money then so be it.
It would annoyed me too if I were you but a part of me thinks it's a smart move, albeit very cheeky.

Thedm · 10/10/2023 13:56

You gave it to her. Legally, it’s hers. It no longer belongs to you and you can’t tell her what to do.
The sob story doesn’t matter. I mean, at what point would you have been happy with her selling it? A year? Six months? When would you have allowed it without complaint?

You gave it to her for her son, she has decided to sell it and get something cheaper. Which she can do because she owns it now.

She is scheming madam, and very rude. But you can’t stop her.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/10/2023 13:56

OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 13:42

I'm currently decluttering. I have an iPad Pro 2021 that has just been sitting there gathering dust. It was used as my primary note-taking device for a 3-4 month stint while I was doing some courses, but now that that's over, I've been trying to sell it on.

An old acquaintances of mine saw my post on Facebook and sent a sob story about how her DS could really use it for school, how they are really struggling with the CoL crisis etc. She asked if I could loan them the iPad for 2-3 years till things get better for them. In 2-3 years it'd depreciate even more and selling it then would take more effort than what it was worth so I said I'd give it to her.

That was 2 weeks ago. Fast forward to yesterday I messaged her asking how DS was getting along with his iPad and she told me that she was planning to sell it on, get a cheaper iPad, and then use the extra money to get the kids some presents for Christmas! If I'd known her DS wasn't going to use the iPad I'd have just sold it on instead of giving it to her!! My plan was never to subsidise her Christmas...

I've since asked for the iPad back which she is very reluctant about. She's been saying something about how they've already factory reset the device, have arranged for a buyer to collect it next week, have looked into getting a base model device etc. Asked her to pay my original asking price (which is £50 more than what she's posted it for) and she said she can't afford that.

WIBU to ask her to give it back or pay the asking price minus £50? I know it was a gift but the only reason I offered to give it to her is because she said her DS REALLY needed it and was going to use it!

If you've given it to her as a gift then she can sell it on.

If you've lent it to her for 2-3 years as she asked then she has no right to sell it on it's your property and she needs to give it back

Tinkerbyebye · 10/10/2023 13:56

I would tell her it was given for her son to use not get to sell which you are going to do until her sob story do she either gives it back or gives you the money and you won’t be giving her anything thing else

Neekoh · 10/10/2023 13:56

You can't ask for it back now, but you've learnt a valuable lesson about what kind of person your friend is.

Distance yourself.

itsmeagainagain · 10/10/2023 13:56

@OrangeEggsAndHam I would just be very direct and tell her you were going to sell it but gifted it to be used per what she said. Just outright ask for it back - don't be embarrassed about it - CF's depend on you feeling too awkward to be bold

burnoutbabe · 10/10/2023 13:57

Legally you have it to her so now hers

But I'd do everything possible to make them give iit beck until they refused "as it's now theirs"

At present they are not refusing it appears so play on that.

Warum · 10/10/2023 13:58

What a horrible 'friend' she is - you might have to write this one off, learn from it and maybe consider if she really is a friend.

dimsumfatsum · 10/10/2023 13:59

Oh OP, she was never a friend and you've been played. Insist she gives you back the iPad. No ifs/buts. I'd have happily bought it from you as I've been looking for something for the same reasons you'd originally bought your iPad for!

Original poster
OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 14:04

Technically I know it's hers as I've given it to her. Still doesn't help that I feel like I've been cheated. It's not too different from when someone asks you to give them money under false pretences when their goal has always been to profit off you. Guess I've been naive and gullible then.

OP posts:
NoWinterYear · 10/10/2023 14:06

I don't know. I think you gave it to her as a gift if I understood correctly. After seeing the iPad she has realised that her son can do with a cheaper one and she can use the extra money for Christmas gifts. She didn't lie or get the ipad under a false pretext. Her son needs an iPad and by selling your iPad she can now afford to buy him an iPad plus some Christmas gifts. Also she told you that she is doing this so she probably doesn't think it's dishonest or that you'd mind.

Sorry,.I'm just rehashing what you said but I don't think it's so Terrible. The worst is probably asking you to give her an ipad that you wanted to sell but once you've given it to her I don't think the rest is so bad. Her son still gets an iPad but also.some Christmas presents. (I mean if that story is true of course)

I can understand that it grates though. I remember my dad selling his car to a relative for very cheap as a favour and then that relative sold it after a few weeks for much more than that..my dad was quite annoyed..

Basilton · 10/10/2023 14:06

OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 14:04

Technically I know it's hers as I've given it to her. Still doesn't help that I feel like I've been cheated. It's not too different from when someone asks you to give them money under false pretences when their goal has always been to profit off you. Guess I've been naive and gullible then.

Oh yes you have definitely been cheated. And she is not your friend. But you need to write this off and just take the lesson.

RandomMess · 10/10/2023 14:09

Tell her you'll swap it for the more basic model he needs and get one from CEX or not at all.

I'd be livid because she asked full intention of making money out of it.