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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a "gift" back?

109 replies

OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 13:42

I'm currently decluttering. I have an iPad Pro 2021 that has just been sitting there gathering dust. It was used as my primary note-taking device for a 3-4 month stint while I was doing some courses, but now that that's over, I've been trying to sell it on.

An old acquaintances of mine saw my post on Facebook and sent a sob story about how her DS could really use it for school, how they are really struggling with the CoL crisis etc. She asked if I could loan them the iPad for 2-3 years till things get better for them. In 2-3 years it'd depreciate even more and selling it then would take more effort than what it was worth so I said I'd give it to her.

That was 2 weeks ago. Fast forward to yesterday I messaged her asking how DS was getting along with his iPad and she told me that she was planning to sell it on, get a cheaper iPad, and then use the extra money to get the kids some presents for Christmas! If I'd known her DS wasn't going to use the iPad I'd have just sold it on instead of giving it to her!! My plan was never to subsidise her Christmas...

I've since asked for the iPad back which she is very reluctant about. She's been saying something about how they've already factory reset the device, have arranged for a buyer to collect it next week, have looked into getting a base model device etc. Asked her to pay my original asking price (which is £50 more than what she's posted it for) and she said she can't afford that.

WIBU to ask her to give it back or pay the asking price minus £50? I know it was a gift but the only reason I offered to give it to her is because she said her DS REALLY needed it and was going to use it!

OP posts:

Spacecowboys · 10/10/2023 15:10

I would also ask for it back. And if she refused, everybody would know about what she did. I can’t stand people like that.

Ilikeyourdecor · 10/10/2023 15:17

I wouldn't ask for it back. Sounds to me like she was truthful that her DS needs an ipad and they are struggling with the COL. You did gift it to her, presumably with no strings attached.

She obviously didn't think you'd mind, or presumably wouldn't have told you her new plan! I've been gifted loads of baby stuff and sold it on, I don't feel bad about it.

I'd let it go. Wouldn't be rushing to gift her stuff in the future though.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/10/2023 15:19

Is she going to tell her son all the Xmas pressies are from you op

Original poster

OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 15:23

I gave it to her only because I felt sorry that her DS was allegedly being disadvantaged because he didn't have an iPad he could use for school. I didn't give her an iPad + Christmas presents + miscellaneous items.

OP posts:

GalileoHumpkins · 10/10/2023 15:24

How much is she selling it for? I think she's overestimating being able to buy another iPad and her kids Christmas presents.

Ilikeyourdecor · 10/10/2023 15:27

PrincessHoneysuckle · 10/10/2023 14:22

There's an unwritten rule that if someone gives you something for free then you don't sell it on you just don't its cheeky af.

I've not heard of this rule. Why ever not? I've given away loads of stuff and the people who have taken it have done me a favour as now I don't have it cluttering up my home or have to go to the charity shop/tip. A charity shop would sell my "gift" for profit. I don't care at all if my friends go to the effort to sell my free gifts for profit too once they're done with it.

(this isn't the Op's scenario I realise, where the op wanted to sell it herself).

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 10/10/2023 15:27

Well, it wasn’t a gift like buying someone an iPad as a birthday present. I also think you need to ask for it back and tell her that you don’t appreciate being used by a so called friend.

She might not have intended to deliberately mislead you when she told you the initial sob story but you gave her the iPad for her son to use for his schoolwork based on that story.

Taking it and trying to flog it for a profit is clearly taking the piss and you need to tell her that face to face.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 10/10/2023 15:32

She sounds morally bankrupt.

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 10/10/2023 15:32

Ilikeyourdecor · 10/10/2023 15:17

I wouldn't ask for it back. Sounds to me like she was truthful that her DS needs an ipad and they are struggling with the COL. You did gift it to her, presumably with no strings attached.

She obviously didn't think you'd mind, or presumably wouldn't have told you her new plan! I've been gifted loads of baby stuff and sold it on, I don't feel bad about it.

I'd let it go. Wouldn't be rushing to gift her stuff in the future though.

I hope you checked with the people who donated the baby stuff to you that they were happy for you to make a profit from their purchases?

I’d have been livid if you’d done this with my stuff and I’d have expected you to return it if you weren’t going to use it.

MichelleScarn · 10/10/2023 15:32

SleepingStandingUp · 10/10/2023 15:06

You can afford to have let it go for nothing, she clearly is tight on cash of she's going to the bother of getting this one, selling it and using the money split between another tablet and axmas presented. Let it go.

Show quote history

Seriously? Yes op 'let it go'... let the cf sell YOUR item and take the money.. 😕

BasiliskStare · 10/10/2023 15:34

I'd ask for the "extra money for Christmas " which may not be as much as you could have sold it for - but then she has essentially just swapped one iPad for another for her DS for school ( which seemed to be the reason for the loan / gift ) so she has what she asked for but not unreasonable I think to give you the profit.

Gymnopedie · 10/10/2023 15:34

Neekoh · 10/10/2023 13:56

You can't ask for it back now, but you've learnt a valuable lesson about what kind of person your friend is.

Distance yourself.

The OP says in her first post that this isn't a friend, just an old acquaintance. Which makes me think that possibly the CF already had pound signs in her eyes at the start.

OhComeOnFFS · 10/10/2023 15:39

I would go round to her house (with someone else if possible who will back you up) and tell her you want it back now. You've lost the friendship anyway; you might as well get the iPad back.

rosesinmygarden · 10/10/2023 15:40

She's not your friend. Friends don't do that.

I doubt you'll get it back or see any of the money. What a horrible person she is.

Ilikeyourdecor · 10/10/2023 15:43

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 10/10/2023 15:32

I hope you checked with the people who donated the baby stuff to you that they were happy for you to make a profit from their purchases?

I’d have been livid if you’d done this with my stuff and I’d have expected you to return it if you weren’t going to use it.

Show quote history

I did use it. Then dc grew out of it. I could have given it to charity, but what difference would that really make to the original owner vs me selling it?

Totallyunacceptable · 10/10/2023 15:48

I think that you should ask for it back, I doubt that she’ll give it back though.

I had a terrible experience with a so called friend who gave me a cot following the birth of my twins. She suddenly decided that she wanted it back as one of her friends had fallen pregnant. We had bought a mattress, specific cot measurements so it couldn’t be used in a cheaper cot. She was being awful, kept texting etc and my partner was also ill, not working, so in the end I agreed she could have it back if she would cover the costs of the mattress so that we were not out of pocket. Well, she turned up to take the cot away and then refused to pay for the mattress and also took away toys that she’d gifted to my toddler, I had to put him in another room as he was crying. Some people are just awful.

ReturnOfTheRainMac · 10/10/2023 15:48

I'd say fuck it, the friendships over now anyway so ask for it back and if she refuses cut your losses.

Mummy2mybear · 10/10/2023 15:53

Wow you gifted her a Ipad and she is selling it I would be furious, the fact that she told you too I would be really upset. I think you should ask her to return it Ipads are expensive she's benefiting financially from a expensive gift you tried to help her to be honest I think she should have offered to return it if it was not suitable so you could sell it yourself. I think its out of order.

VineRipened · 10/10/2023 15:53

It wasn't a gift that the OP initiated as a gift .

OP was trying to sell the iPad. Actively seeking to get ££ for it.

Acquaintance sees the ad and contacts OP with a begging message / sob story and a v disingenuous plan to 'borrow' it for a few years until it is virtually unsaleable.

OP generously, and in response to the COL difficulties of acquaintance lets her have it.

The decent thing for the CF acquaintance to have done would have been to to say "I can sell this for a cheaper one and give you the difference, if you like?"

The crucial fact being that the CF KNEW from the outset that the OP had wanted ££ for the iPad and muscled in with a hardship story.

Octobermeterreadtime · 10/10/2023 15:57

Shame her on fb then block her.. She isn't your friend..

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/10/2023 15:58

People do give gifts with conditions. Eg land gifted to the council can be used for green space only. Inheritance with conditions (not sure that they're followed). You gave the ipad for the son to use at school. It's cheeky af to sell it on and use the spare money on themselves

WHALESURPRISE · 10/10/2023 16:07

She's an idiot. If she'd just said "great thanks, he loves it!" yours have been none the wiser and perfectly happy with the situation.

I had a clear out once and gave a friend lots of gardening tools as she's keen on gardening. Then she told me she's sold them on gumtree, which I could have done myself but I thought I was helping her out 😅 I would have rather not known.

JustAboutHangingInThere · 10/10/2023 16:10

Definitely get it back.

It was a gift in the sense that you gave her the iPad on the basis of the story she told you. Has she said “if you give my son the iPad I can sell it for him, buy him a cheaper one then use the rest of the cash on Christmas” you wouldn’t have given her the iPad.

What a bloody cheek. The iPad was given in good faith. She has taken advantage of you.

Dizzydeers · 10/10/2023 16:10

You only gave it to her because she spun you a sob story, she has now chosen to sell it instead of use it the way you intended.
Shes very cheeky and I too would be asking for it back.

Namerequired · 10/10/2023 16:11

There was no need of her son using it for school, there is no selling it to buy him a cheaper one and using it for Christmas. I doubt there will be another one bought. It’s all lies and sob stories. She scammed you, then thought you saw her sale post so she threw out another sob story.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she does this a lot. She will give another one if you land round to get it back. If you are going to do that, arrange for someone to come ‘view’ it. People that are cheeky enough to do this stuff have a brass neck, they don’t think like most of us.
I know a person who does this. Not quite on such a personal level where they target someone (I don’t think). But when they were pregnant put out a sob story about needing stuff. Fair enough, except they got and took soo many duplicates and then sold them. Talking stuff like prams and changing units etc. Yes they were ‘given’ those things, but under false pretences . And yes there is an unwritten rule that you don’t sell stuff given to help you out. At least not without offering it back or at least using it for its intended purpose 1st. It’s wrong.

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