DM and her teeny tiny meals

[Trampley]

I think my mum has issues with food.

Cooked and served a roast dinner yesterday, she said she wanted a small meal. This is normal for her, as she's permanently terrified of putting weight on. But it's getting daft now.

I served her two small potatoes, a thumb size portion of chicken, two carrot batons, half a parsnip, a tablespoon of mashed swede and half a Stuffing ball.

She didn't eat the potatoes, parsnip or Stuffing. Things I know she loves.

A toddler would eat more!!!

She also commented on the HUGE portion I had, and told her husband he wouldn't POSSIBLY eat all his meal, she kept bloody commenting on HOW MUCH he was eating (normal size!) Until he just stopped eating it.

We went for a walk afterwards, had to turn back early because she was feeling tired. No wonder, she hadn't eaten!

It's annoying me - I'm healthy, I don't overeat but she makes out my portions are so awfully huuuuge.

I have an aunt who is definitely eating disordered. She calls people 'fat pigs' and makes snorting noises if they eat a whole banana for example. (This happened to me). She is possibly anorexic but definitely bulimic as i have caught her purging.

Her husband has dementia and she feeds him the smallest little meals. My parents do respite care for her when she works and they have taken to feeding him massive roast meals; spaghetti Bolognese and garlic bread; fish pie etc for lunch when they have him and telling her that of course he only ate his plain chicken salad she suggested / provided.

MartyFunkhouser I hope that is a sliver of meat, not a slither of meat. That conjures up such a disturbing image...

I've always had a small appetite even as a child
At 58, my appetite has reduced to one meal a day which suits me
However, I have never commented on what other people eat, or even noticed most of the time
I guess it's an attempt at attention seeking and also feeling superior at her restraint
I would just say " Good job we're all different eh" every time
It does suck the pleasure out of a social event though

😂😂 yes! I’ll blame autocorrect 😬

My mum and MIL both do a version of this (both early 70s).

My mum has always been slim and eats a very admirable, home cooked, healthy diet. Very little processed food, full fat milk and cream, lots of fruit, veg and protein. However, she will still make a performance of not eating all her food and saying she is a fatty pig if she eats pudding. Plus, saying she can't possibly manage a whole slice of cake or a whole biscuit.

It's a shame as actually, she eats brilliantly and is really fit, healthy and strong but I hate the performative element of it all!

My MIL on the other hand, doesn't eat very well and likes to sigh about cooking for 'just her' these days. She disapproves of 3 meals a day but thinks 2 or 3 cakes/biscuits/scones a day are perfectly OK and a better alternative to 3 balanced meals. She will also comment on every meal she is given - not too much for me, gosh will you eat some of mine, I can't eat all that! For a normal size meal.

I can't roll my eyes hard enough at it all.

These are for people who want to lose weight. They aren’t designed for anyone else

I have never came across other people with Mums like mine until this thread.

My Mum is the same although she doesn't comment on other people's food so much but very much does comment on other peoples weight. She is extremely skinny. Looks anorexic if I'm being honest. She very much does have disordered eating. Does not eat meals. Never known her to eat breakfast or lunch and barely eats dinner these days. Lives off cakes and yoghurts. When I was a kid, lunch wasn't a thing and if you went to get food it was, you eating again?! I have no doubt her disordered eating will be the death of her. Her feet are blue, her hands are blue, very frequent urine infections, constantly unwell, tired, constant illnesses & infections. She will not listen and refuses any help. I'm pretty certain she is already on the road to a long, slow, painful death & it's very sad to watch.

In regards to your Mum, I agree with the poster who said to tell your Mum it is rude. With my Mum I repeat that I am healthy and eat in what is a considered a healthy, balanced diet. You could try this.

My mother is exactly the same

Her 'oh shall we share a sandwich, I can't possibly eat a whole one'.

Me 'er no, I'm hungry so will eat a whole sandwich to myself that ms'
Her 'oh I don't know where you put it' (looks pointedly at my thighs.

But will then guzzle chocolates in front of the TV all night!

Drives me nuts

My FIL had tiny portions - he and my MIL were just very small eaters at meals. But they did graze on biscuits and crackers and things. And they would never have commented on the size of someone else's portion (although my FIL did once suggest that the four of us (three adults, one 3 year old) shared a frozen meal for one, and was visibly appalled when I suggested that an inch square of fish apiece was not enough for a toddler let alone an adult male).

My MIL is the same - but always ends up eating a massive bowl of cereal or sugary snacks later in the evening!
It’s tiresome, but don’t any of you reduce your own portions - just ignore her!

My mums started acting like this. The other day I was accused of overloading her plate because i had put three heaped spoonfuls of frozen peas on it insted of two. Told me to take some off as she wouldn't manage to eat them all. Peas ffs? She ended up with a toddler sized amount of mash a few stray peas and like your mum a thumb sized bit of chicken. Then moans she is tired all the time. I give up!

Interesting I have two boys and have noticed SO MUCH how my friends who have daughters are constantly policing sugar and fat and portions. Where those with boys are just like 'oh well what's another portion of pasta, he'll run it off at football'. It's such a shame and you can absolutely see how disordered eating passes from one generation to the next

One of the things I'm really grateful for growing up is that although DM struggled with her weight (her appetite was one of the things I've inherited) she never, ever policed my food, either on my own or compared to my brothers. As a result I've never seen food as the enemy or a weapon in the way so many women appear to.

My MiL is the same. Doesn’t eat hardly at all, wants portions the same size as the children. I just do it, can’t be arsed.

A number of issues here for me..is Mum mentally and physixally well? An eating disorder is one thing..but could this be early dementing? Could you say to her something along the lines of..' mum i'm worried about you. At an age where you really need to keep your strength up..for strong bones and muscles..you're eating less and less. Do you need to speak to your doctor about this?' It might be worth you keeping a food diary for her when she's with you for meals...you could use it to support your concern

You simply need less calories and are more tired and generally exercise less for a whole host of reasons, as I expect many will find out when they hit 50.

The amount my teen puts away is honestly incredible to me. She eats every hour of her waking day! As I did at that age. Peope need different amounts throughout their lives.

Big portions in one sitting are not for everybody.

Definitely psychological. Tbh if she kept mentioning about others portions id have to ask them tell her to stop. If she has an issue round food, fine, but making everyone feel like pigs could give them an eating disorder. Not healthy

My mum is exactly like this. I actually don't see her much, for various reasons, not just this, but god it is tiresome. If we meet for lunch she will say she just wants " a little sup of soup" and makes me feel like an absolute glutton for eating a perfectly normal lunch thing, like a toastie - "ooh, it's nice to see you have SUCH a good appetite, I couldn't possibly eat such a huge meal, but I suppose it's fine because you will skip dinner" (I definitely wouldn't skip dinner if I had a toastie for lunch!). My mum's not especially tiny-thin (size 14ish) and nor am I (size 10/12) so I don't really understand where it comes from. She's in her 70s.

My mother in law bangs on endlessly about “no white at night” and sits there with a disappointed face if the meal includes potatoes/rice/pasta etc.

However, when she’s wanting a light dinner she inhales loads of white toast with jam, so it’s a selective approach!

All I can think is how bloody miserable to still have food hang ups in your 70s and feel a bit sorry for her really.

This thread has reminded me, I'm going for a restaurant lunch with my elderly friend tomorrow. I know she'll order the most exotic/expensive thing on the menu, then spend the next 40 mins cutting it into tiny pieces and pushing them around the plate until the whole thing looks like a dog's dinner. She'll then announce she's full. 🙄

First off, let me say that I would NEVER comment on someone else's meal nor complain about the size of what I was served. If it was too much, I simply wouldn't eat it all.

But I am in my 60s and honestly the amount of food I can eat in a meal really has changed. I used to be quite a 'trencherwoman' in my younger days but now I simply can't eat as much as I used to, it makes me feel ill or results in GI 'unpleasantness'. Nor do I eat 3 meals a day, I eat breakfast and a second meal usually between 2-4pm. It doesn't have anything to do with performative eating. It has to do with eating the amount that is comfortable for me to eat. DH is the same way. He eats more than I do, naturally, but he doesn't eat like he used to.

Another thing is that as we age we gain weight easier and it's much harder to take off. In my younger days if I gained 2-3 lbs I could skip lunch for 3-4 days and it'd be gone. Now that same 2-3 lbs will take me 2-3 WEEKS of reducing calories to lose.

So yes, it is absolutely rude to comment on what others eat. And it's irritating to hear someone complain about their meal. But cut us 'seniors' some slack about how much we eat or a bit of extra worrying about weight gain. You'll be there someday yourself.

Yes!

My Dad used to do this towards the end of his life. I remember getting a 6 inch subway for my lunch (that was all I was having) and he thought it was massive and then commented on how my Sister eats very little. It definitely wasn't a vanity thing with him, he ate normal portions all his life until he got old and ill, but he was always an eat to live person rather than the other way round. TBH I struggled with having a Mum who was on diets all the time and dipped in and out of having an eating disorder in my teens/early 20s. I found my Dad's comments difficult, but I dont think he meant anything by it.

My MIL is like this. She's very little, slim and has a dainty style, whereas I'm nearly 6ft, and dress more casually (but still try to look nice) my BMI has always been low of where it should be- up to now it being in the middle of healthy range, weight goes up and down, put on a bit more recently as I have developed a chronic post-viral illness but I wouldn't say I'm overweight or anything.
We eat healthily and love food, its a real pleasure and joy in life (esp as have had a horrific last few years). MIL since I met her has been on a diet and therefore FIL is also constantly on a diet. Every time we see them she calls him a fat git, a pig, fatty, constantly comments on his weight (he's super slim pretty toned, fit, rides his bike for like 10 miles every day, healthy guy). She'll slap his (non existent!) 'belly' etc. Comments on his food choices eg if he has a biscuit or two round ours with coffee she'll call him fatty or pig and he'll justify it saying its a special occasion. Always on at him to lose weight. She used to comment constantly on other people's weight in front of DC until DH pulled her up on it (my DC ,their step grand child used to have real body image issues so it had to stop!)
When we are round hers she serves me way less than everyone else. Like noticeably so, eg she made hot dogs and I got one while DH/DC got 2 and when there were leftovers she gave them half of one each. She offers them leftovers and not me (FIL not allowed leftovers as "Fattys not allowed"). Now I think about it maybe I'm included in that!!
When I cook EVERY TIME she does the performative "oh no, thats faaar too much food, I couldn't possibly eat all that" (eats it) graduating to more recently "can you not give me too much as you ALWAYS serve such MASSIVE portions, its far too much"!! They're totally normal portions BTW.
Constant commenting on food and weight and other people being "huuge/massive".
I put on a bit of weight due to illness and not being able to move much last year (maybe half a stone?), she was looking me up and down but luckily never dared to say anything. She never ever asks how I am, it's really odd.
Reading this thread, I'm wondering if it's her generation? Obsessed with being slim and bird like and that being the measure of your worth as a person? She will slag off her family and friends' weight no matter what they're going through. DH has body image issues as he's slim and she was obsessed with that as well. He is used to how she is and if I mention it he gets annoyed. I feel like some sort of lumbering, cumbersome, greedy giant when she is around. It winds me up, particularly the serving me less than everyone else, it just seems so rude to me but DH brushes it off.
Sorry for the MIL rant!

My MIL does the teeny meals and lots of snacks in between but she doesn't police anyone else really (I think her daughter gets - and ignores - a bit of feedback on portions and things). It's fine obviously to eat however she wishes but she does lie about it in a weird way. So she'll claim to "never eat lunch" when I've literally just seen her eating a ham sandwich. I find it a little sad I think she has quite a bit of shame around food.

@Rosequartz7 thats rude of her!!! Grrr.
I had an ex who was well built, his mum was stick thin.. she would slate everyone(including son) about food and their size...eg hes too fat, why 3 biscuits etc. We had a to do...i said that if it bothers you so much dont be around people when they eat, and as much as you judge people for being overweight (when they weren't) maybe they think youre too thin, ill and 'pinched'.
She said 'they don't see what i see'...i said they probably do but they have good manners.
She banned me from her house.i have issue with anyone commenting on what others eat...it says more about them