To really hate that my toddler keeps deciding when we are going?

[Sunflowerpoppies]

When we go to a group at the moment my toddler knows the format and when it’s the ending song or rhyme gets up and walks/runs out.

I do bring him back and make him say good bye and thank you but he then as soon as we’ve said it he runs off again. It’s rubbish as it means I’m charging after him (also have a baby) and I know this is selfish but means I don’t get ten minutes to sit and chat with other mums, I’m not sure it anyone can relate?!

Mine was like this - will of his own, extremely physical, very determined, could get out of and tip buggy if he didn’t want to be in it, you could return him 10+ times and he’d still keep going. I think what works with many children doesn’t for a small subset. I ended up needing surgery on my back due to
all the picking up when he ran away/pulling him out from under furniture, catching him when leaping off things, wrestling him into the buggy/car seat so I could get the older one to school.

He is still a terror at 3 and now under assessment for ADHD. I love him madly and he is the most loving child - but for some no amount of reins buggy/ returning them is effective

Yeah I agree, my dd would have sat and played at that age but my ds now would be an absolute nightmare at a baby group

Not saying at all that I think this is the same before anyone suggests I am but my nephew is autistic and he has ALWAYS done this. He is now 15 and when he is ready to go he is ready to go. He will make sure everyone knows this is the case 😂

strapping him in a buggy would have not led to a calm fifteen minutes of chatting for his mum! It might be that that you just have to suck it up for this stage and hope he grows out of it because you’re going to probably be stressed either way. Sorry.

Hahahahahahaha!

My DS was a runner. This would never have worked for him, not in a million years. If I strapped him in his buggy and made him wait, he would have screamed.

Some DC are compliant, and will tolerate this. Some are just not. And there is a whole load of grey in between.

Toddlers are hard work, some more than others, but OP this too will pass!

Is there anything you can introduce as an activity for after playgroup that might keep him occupied, or a favourite snack?

FWIW, and hopefully to give some hope to mum's struggling with headstrong DC...

My DS was headstrong / strong willed as a toddler and still is today, as a teenager, but he has turned that challenging nature of his into challenging ideas, and is doing extremely well academically. He's also not afraid to go against the crowd and stand up for what is right / what he believes in.

Although it really was hard work when he was a toddler, I can see now that it's part of his character that actually will stand him in good stead as a teenager and an adult.

Hang in there, it gets easier!

Same @whatdoidoaboutit I am happy to enforce boundaries but if enforcing this particular boundary ruins a nice social time for everyone else, that isn’t fair.

Sorry if I wasn’t clear. It’s an organised activity with a social time at the end of it. Moo music if anyone knows it, there’s then Moo and a brew at the end only we never get to the end.

I sometimes have my baby in a sling but I don’t think I’ve owned dungarees since I was seven - i would need a nappy!

And he’s lovely just knows his own mind … I guess that’s good!

I say this with kindness as the parent of a strong willed child who bolts- try and rein it in whatever the emotional cost before he does something dangerous and you can’t manage him and the baby. I was lucky in that it was my youngest that was the bolter and my eldest was sensible but the other way round will be harder for you.

My bolter is now 4 and has calmed down but is still prone to it if she’s tired. I am still on constant alert for her to do something unpredictable when collecting her from school at the end of the week and need to have my hands free in case she needs bundling into the car. I wouldn’t stop your group as it is a chance to practice but you need to be ready to grab and distract and make sure the baby is in a safe enough position for you to do it. I’d go big on praise for waiting and go for a reward chart etc. Even if you only manage 5 mins the first week it’ll help you break the association.

Mostly when kids are going ‘wrong’ with boundaries it does get a little hairy before then getting better. Unless you address it you will just get the same. So…it’s up to you. It won’t magically change. So he might strop and carry on at first BUT he will get used to it if you set the boundary. Like I said before have a snack/drink waiting for him or perhaps a favourite toy - you need distraction!

Generally he doesn’t bolt, he just walks off at the end of the session or tries to. Never in other circumstances, mostly very good in fairness.

Ah that’s good, so hopefully you won’t have too much of a battle on your hands. You could also talk to him about it beforehand. Explain you are staying and that he can have a relax with a snack or words to that effect - you know your son.

Glad you've been getting some more supportive replies OP. Honestly it seems like a bit of an odd concept to me to have a period at the end of a toddler group when all the toys have been put away, the session has ended but the children are supposed to just hang around and behave nicely while their mums have a cup of tea and a chat.

That wouldn't have worked well with my DD, she was always knackered and grumpy by the end of any group activity.

Word for word how my friend talks about her child I mentioned much earlier in the thread. Great he knows his own mind in your opinion but not great you aren't clearly acknowledging boundaries, parenting, why safety devices seem to be a punishment.

I'm amazed how many are suggesting strapping a toddler into a pushchair or tying him up with reins in the OP's scenario. Either you haven't bothered reading the OP, or you live in an alternate reality.
Picture it: a screaming toddler strapped down into a pushchair/tied down in reins at a play group, whilst mummy is having a coffee and a nice chat with her mates... and everyone around finding this ok... yeah, right 🙄

Give him a snack at the end

@MindatWork i think I haven’t been very clear so apologies … what happens is that the session ends and there’s a free play time, does that make more sense? That might also help explain why it would be a bit odd to have a toddler strapped into a pushchair while all the other toddlers play freely and mine understandably has a massive tantrum!

Ahhh ok that makes more sense, sorry probably my misinterpretation 😀.

It definitely sounds like strapping him into a buggy isn't the way to go - if it were me, I'd just explain to some of the other mums that you're working on transitions/boundaries (would prob make a little joke of it) and just keep going and bringing him back. Are you able to leave your baby on a soft playmat while you get him? I've only one DD so haven't had the experience of dashing around after 2, but I really wouldn't give a second thought to someone else's child kicking off - everyone has to deal with it!

Agree with PP, try different things like special snacks or a favourite toy from home to encourage him to stay with you. The key is breaking the association that the goodbye song = immediately time to go.

Can you take a snack with you and create a new routine. A packet or raisins, a biscuit whatever. Or if thats not the done thing some watered down apple juice?

Lol he’d grab the snack and go for the door! 😂

What a cunning plan!

Exactly what I was thinking. Children learn to say please and thank you from example and eventually they will say the same. You really need to pick your battles.

You do realise that isn't what anyone's actually suggesting? We are saying this would help prevent the child from running out the door as mum is preparing to leave and would ensure both baby and toddler are safe in the process. Once he has realised he doesn't dictate what they do then he is free to play at future sessions presuming he doesn't continue to run out the door. So just standard parent your child suggestions really.

Sorry OP but you really need to put your foot down with him on this,it only takes him being too fast out that door and onto the carpark.Im sure you know where I'm heading with this?.He needs to learn to wait until you are ready and we leave the group when mummy is ready.You need to nip this not listening to you in the bud now as it will only get worse as he gets older.
His safety is paramount and if it takes reins or a buggy for him to learn then so be it,if he doesn't like it well its tough shit isn't it?

Then you need to keep getting him and bringing him back - he'll get it eventually. Seriously, don't worry about what other parents think.

Or, seeing as you say he doesn't really do this in any other situations, you can just accept that you won't be able to do tea and a catch up with the other mums at this particular group, and maybe find another group where tea/biscuits/chat goes on throughout the session time.

I'd be reluctant to give in, though.

Can you take something with you or would that not be allowed in that sort of session? Like a little truck for him to push round the room for a bit (then a different one the next time). Preferably toys he doesn't see too often. Only risk is that another might then want it and you have a little war on your hands