What is your idea of hell on earth?

[Aubreylights]

So nothing biblical.

For me today it was ASDA, 1pm on a Sunday, event going on nearby so huge amount of traffic to get in, even longer queues inside, screaming kids, adults barging by you, having to queue for customer service.

Anything else would include cave diving, pot holing or being on a submarine.

Just reading this put me in a nervous sweat

U.K. Summer 2022

Glastonbury in the rain

The situation in Israel/Palestine right now.

Going into a shop in October and hearing the dreaded words 'Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall'?

At least Belgium has great chocolate and beers

Our Hell on Earth was at a local popular cafe that trialled opening in the evening. We invited familiy members - a couple who had gone through a really tough time for a proper catch up and a nice time obviously. We were in a medium sized room and there were only two other parties - a fairly rowdy table of eight who already looked three sheets to the wind and a couple who looked like they were on a first or second date. Everything was going well when the cafe owner came in with a guitar and started singing with a microphone - the room was small enough not to need one so we could barely hear each other speak. His voice was mediocre at best. A couple of songs in he started to try to get everyone to join in with his songs - we said to each other that we hated that kind of thing. The group were well up for it and started loudly singing along. He kept cajolling and after another couple of songs the couple caved but the man had a face like thunder. Then he really started on us, at every break he's say "come on table in the corner join in with us" we politely just shook our heads and ignored. We then were literally badgered the whole night, he didn't get the hint/chose to ignore it and he didn't let up, but sang all night. It was excruciating. I cannot put into words how dreadful the whole thing was - honestly one of the worse nights of my life. We paid up and went to a nearby pub. I regret being so blooming British and polite about his "entertainment". We checked the advertising later and there was no mention of being serenaded.

They gave up their suppers pretty quickly - funny old thing.

Have you ever seen the film 'Vivarium'?

All the new build estates that I walk through remind me SO much of this horror movie!

My idea of Hell On Earth ....

Bicester Village - a Designer Outlet shopping village in Oxfordshire! I expect that other 'designer outlet shopping villages' are much the same - full of crowds of people who find it 'fun' to have to actually queue to get in to these pretentious shops where they will buy still-ridiculously-priced 'stuff' that is often last season or not even current 'stuff'!
I lasted about 10 minutes and turned round and left.
Seventh circle of Hell!!!

Spa days
Living in London (or living in the centre of any town)
Staying home every eve/weekend

I forgot to add...

Public transport and all girl holidays/nights out

Meeting some mumnetters in real life 😂

Ikea on a Saturday.

Thankfully not likely to happen as I'm in my 50s, but mine would be being a school child again. The complete lack of agency and control over your own time, and the expectation that you'll enjoy spending all day with hundreds of other kids just because you're roughly the same age.

Pot holing with a surprise party afterwards. Food would be from Macdonalds. They would just play the songs, you’re so vain by carly Simon and suddenly I see by Amy McDonald on an endless loop. As I was leaving they'd play The Hokey Cokey, annd give me the bumps. Three school bullies would be surprise guests and I would be topless throughout.

Being sat on the phone to a call centre, on hold in a queue, with a voice that butts in every 10 seconds telling me I am still on hold. Bonus hell points for music containing really high pitched notes, a crackly line and the interruption voice being someone with my least favourite accent.

Paintballing, go-karting, orienteering or any other forced fun, team-building bollocks that brings out the ultra-competitive inner twat in people you always suspected were twats anyway.

Seeing what I see when I drop godson to nursery, it would be to work in a nursery 8AM- 6PM everyday. Christ alive, can see why this is a recruitment issue.

Idiotic school mom's & Soft plays. Even worse both together.....

Why ?? 🤣🤣🤣

Paint balling. Did it once for a ( male) friend’s 30th birthday 25 years ago.
Adult men in camouflage pretending they were in the SAS/ commandos. Teenagers pretending they were in the SAS/commandos. Me fervently wishing I wasn’t there whilst wearing unflattering khaki boiler suit. Being cornered by adult men/teenagers and pummelled by multiple paintballs - which left goofball size bruises on arse.
Still have flashbacks.

Weddings
Being anywhere 'rural' where people are (so a briefish walk in the woods by myself is fine, but visiting or staying in a country village - I'd rather eat my own shit)
Ann Summers party (I speak from experience)

Disneyland
A cruise
Heights
Team building exercises

Being within 500 yards of anyone who sniffed (instant paralysing death from me) had not had a hot soapy shower that day and put on clean clothes, anyone who chomped, sucked or loudly chewed any form of food, anyone who licked their fingers after eating, anyone who loudly banged cutlery against a plate or who made chopping noises with cutlery as they ate. Anyone who slurped eating soup, yoghurt, porridge etc etc etc. I could go on until Boxing Day.

People who mistakenly use the word “that” when it should be “who”….as in ladies WHO lunch - not “that”.

Omg misophonia is hell on earth.

helena, you should have your own column, give Caitlin thingy a run for her money!