To wonder how parents deal with once child being more successful than the other?

[User5512]

Is it hard to not feel sorry for the “poorer” child?

DC A : Got lucky with their first job at a start up, successful exit after 5 yrs. invested wisely and is now a multi millionaire. Great lifestyle, flexible pay, very high paying jobs (C level) etc

DC B: NHS consultant, stressful job, relatively lower pay, very little flexibility. Married to another NHS doctor.

Parents support DC B a lot (childcare mostly) and DC-A gets quite annoyed as they don’t get as much support. They can afford to pay, but you can’t buy grandparents.

DC-B feels left out when DC-A takes parents on exotic holidays with their family, gives them expensive gifts (cars and watches etc)

Parents feel stuck in the middle !

CFO/COO/CEO/CIO etc. Top of the food chain.

I’m DC B in this situation. My sister and her husband are multi millionaires and live in a huge villa abroad in a v desirable location. We live in the same village as my parents.

Luckily there is a decent age gap between dsis and I plus I started the whole having kids thing early and she was a lot later so my children are grown up/teens whereas she had her youngest very recently and is v much in the midst of the difficult years.

This means that our needs from our parents are very different and I’ve had the benefit of v hands on grandparents when mine were young and she gets that as far as possible now. That means that parents get the benefit of flying by private jet and extended stays in luxury but great for them - they still have to babysit toddlers and babies at the other end!

The parents just need to do their best to encourage one big happy family, as far as possible and whatever that looks like for their particular family.

Looks like parents provided good environment for both DCs to build good careers.

DC B chose a less paying but more worthwhile profession. However, it is not as well paid considering the amount go studies and trainings they had to go through and number of hours they work. DC A is chose career focussed on money and was able to make fast money though start up. Both have different set of values. I wish in our society Doctors were valued and awarded more.

The parents should treat their children equally and not favor one set of grandkids over the other- those grandkids need their grandparents too. It’s silly to think that DC A can buy ‘help’ so the parents don’t have to be grabdparents.
Re monetary success- I don’t think the parents have anything to be concerned about. They raised 2 DC who forged their paths and made their choices. I don’t think DC A should be compensating DC B in any shape or form

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YABU. Both these DC are very successful.

It’s not as if one is a hospital consultant and the other one is a drop out or a junkie 🙄

Why are you supporting only one family with childcare? Do you spend the same amount of quality time with your DGC?

I'm not an envious person, I don't understand feeling envy towards a sibling.

What does a NHS consultant earn?

I read it that she was a C level pupil at school…but still makes loads of money
whilst the A grade pupil doesn’t.

This is me and my sister (now in our 40s) she is the golden child and the disappointment my parents have in me shines through. Not on purpose, but it's perfectly obvious.

@Ididivfama c- suite- CEO, CFO, COO etc

It depends how you measure success.

Childcare, of course, you help the child who can't afford it first
Surely all those exotic holidays together with the other Grandchildren are bonding and memory making time.

Theres enough of you to go around im sure.

Even if the OP meant to put "wealthier" instead of "more successful," it still make s it obvious that they view money as making someone more successful. It was clearly in their subconscious

It's difficult when one child is literally saving lives and the other has just focussed on making money but I doubt that's why they spend more time with child B. I wouldn't want my children to have gone into medicine just to make me happy, that would be unreasonable, and not everyone is suited to it as a high pressure high responsibility career.

As NHS consultant salary scale is £93,999-£127,000, and he is married to one as well- they are hardly not well-off.

I actually can't imagine wanting or accepting a car off my children. Bit odd. Do they not have jobs of their own? Why would you?

@User5512
In that situation I would be satisfied that both of my children were successful and in addition , I would hope that they were good people. I would love them all, and probably be as available to assist as their circumstances required. Assistance is not always financial but can take many forms.

This. And I think this bears close examination by OP, because I bet it comes through to her children. Viewing financial superiority as success is just not something I can relate to. Nor is relating differently to different children based on wealth.

I feel like it’s not unreasonable to question how parental financial support is most fairly apportioned when children are in significantly different wealth brackets - do you help them out equally, or according to their needs? - though I suppose that’s not really what the OP is asking…

“DC B: NHS consultant, stressful job, relatively lower pay very little flexibility. Married to another NHS doctor. “

🤣🤣🤣
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Quite!

I think it’s horrible for a parent to define their child’s success by money and status. There is more to a person than their bank balance.
Both child A and B have very affluent lives by most peoples standards and sound like they are having their other needs met by their parents. What they both have in common is how much of a spoilt brat they are. That’s the thing that would be concerning me as a parent, not the size of their bank balance. Nothing is ever enough for some people.

I think you might be confusing wealth with success.

I think the two dc need to stop acting like kids fighting for attention and get a grip. Has the parents caused this resentment and jealously which I wouldn't be surprised if they did favouring one child over the other? Dcb is hardly struggling btw or scraping by. My dc has a friend from a club where both parents are nhs dr and consultant and dc's friend attends private school and live in a nice home in Kensington chelsea and attends school and clubs with a nanny. Both parents are from Europe and have no family support. Grandparents should go on exotic holidays as well as camping trips if they want to bond and it doesn't matter about the affordability. It's the bond that counts.

I think the two dc need to stop acting like kids fighting for attention and get a grip.

@nocantdo Yes, looking back at the OP, it’s the kids who are jealous and competing with one another, the parents aren’t judging or viewing A as more “successful” than B.

The siblings are creating their own tensions!

@HamBone I wonder if the resentment comes from the parenting styles though or from the spouses driving the siblings to become rivals?

For instance dcA's wife to dcA, why is your parents always helping out your sister and bil all the time?

DCb's husband to Dcb, why is your brother your sil always showing off with their money and buying love for your parents. We can't even take days off and look at them jetting off to the Fiji Islands again and buying that new car for them.