To wonder how parents deal with once child being more successful than the other?

[User5512]

Is it hard to not feel sorry for the “poorer” child?

DC A : Got lucky with their first job at a start up, successful exit after 5 yrs. invested wisely and is now a multi millionaire. Great lifestyle, flexible pay, very high paying jobs (C level) etc

DC B: NHS consultant, stressful job, relatively lower pay, very little flexibility. Married to another NHS doctor.

Parents support DC B a lot (childcare mostly) and DC-A gets quite annoyed as they don’t get as much support. They can afford to pay, but you can’t buy grandparents.

DC-B feels left out when DC-A takes parents on exotic holidays with their family, gives them expensive gifts (cars and watches etc)

Parents feel stuck in the middle !

Very much so. The parents seem to have produced materially successful offspring who don't appreciate what they have in life.

I am going to go even more against the grain - they are all fucking ridiculous!!!

Very many of us paid for our own childcare without having our parents do it, on far far less income than these entitled people!

The only way they don't know your husband is earning that sort of salary is if you are saving the majority of it and live in an average house, with average cars and holidays.

People are missing the fact that the OP is neither the parent or one of the DC in this situation

At 19.09 she posted that the grandparents are her aunt and uncle....

I know, it's hilarious

you can’t buy grandparents.

Isn’t this the key point here? Rather than being about who gets more help or support or who earns more or whatever - that the parents spend more time with one set of grandchildren than the other?

Who are you OP? Because your OP frames a consultant as the unsuccessful, poorer sibling. If you're the parent, then it's odd you are putting so much focus on finances as a metric of success.
Also the parent doesn't need to feel stuck. They can balance it by ensuring they spend time with both sets of DGCs and by realising they don't need to accept exotic holidays from DCA if DCB can't afford to go too. But as for getting more expensive gifts from DCA - that's just life and DCB needs to suck it up.
The childhood dynamic would be interesting here because there's a lot of jealousy seeping through in your OP. I know lots of families where siblings have different income levels but they're not constantly competing with each other. I imagine that dynamic has been established by the parents in childhood.

Exactly!

I know, it’s nuts. It’s such a difficult career and to get to consultant is incredible.

Dsis is massively better off than me. Dparents insist on treating us "equally". To the point where they gave us money to cover bills (during a period of hardship due to redundancy) and felt they had to give dsis the same amount. Which was put towards a luxury holiday.
Made me roll my eyes and seethe inwardly (still haven't had a luxury holiday!). But I'd never complain to my parents about it.

Are you the parent @User5512 or one of the siblings?

You obviously just have 2 ridiculously competitive children. Just do what you want to do and when they start moaning just tell them to tell it to their therapist because you don't want to hear it.

What is wrong with entitled adult children expecting their parents to look after their kids, I never did this to my parents and they didn’t do it with my brother and myself.

What is it with this generation, their parents have supported them and made sacrifices, then when it’s their time they get lumbered with the bloody kids, and let’s face it looking after kids in your 50’s and 60’s isn’t as easy as when you had yours in your 20’s and 30’s, I don’t think they take this into consideration.

This 👏🏽

I was expecting you to say one child is unemployed or struggling to find a job.

They are both very successful!!!
Id point out that there are more than one way to measure success. DC2 has likely saved lives. What an accomplishment. DC1 may have money but that’s not the be all and end all.

Youre right to offer childcare to DC2 if you know DC1 can afford it and you are available and would like to help. I get the vague feeling your DC1 is a bit spoilt. Not nice for DC1 to begrudge DC2 your support when they are both clearly self sufficient- rather than justifying your actions I’d be saying go DC1 - this is your sibling! Show some compassion and get over yourself. If you really needed us we’d be there just the same, count your blessings!!!’

Band 3 here, p'raps I should go on the successful pile.

I think this is a bit wrong, you are not talking about success, you are talking about relative wealth. If DC B is happy and DC A is rich but miserable, then DC B would be the more successful, even with less wealth. It looks like both kids are successful here.

Money/wealth/income shouldn't even come into how the parents handle the different adult children. I'd treat them equally in terms of time and energy.

Too much emphasis on money and not enough on relationship.

Both DC are better off than the majority of people in the UK. They are both successful and should stop comparing.

The parents should be spending equal time with both sets of grandchildren though, not spending all holidays with one because their parents are worse off than a millionaire.

I don't think that is true.

£150k x 2 people (what I earn) buys you an above average house, decent holiday and nice cars. I don't think for a second they would guess that he earned 5 times that.

His brother actually has the same car as him on lease which he will change every 3 years, DH bought his for cash and will keep for 7 years at least.

They know that we go on holiday a lot. They don't know where were stay or how much it costs or what cabin we fly in-why would we need to share that information?

Yes. Is it a joke thread?

I couldn't figure out the motivation for OP's post, but this must be it.

I mean, on what planet is an NHS consultant, married to another doctor, lacking in either success or wealth?

Truly batshit stuff.

I am much wealthier than my sibling as we chose different paths in life. Our parents try and see all the grandchildren as much as they can. They also treat us the same financially - they gifted us the same towards a house deposit, gave me money towards a wedding and the same in cash to sibling who doesn't want to get married....

Sibling has been given extra money from them as a loan, but it's basically written in to their will that it's deducted from their inheritance if not paid back by then.

DC A does not need childcare whereas as two NHS doctors/consultants do. It's not just cost but flexibility, shifts and reliability. DC B are still in the top 1-2% of households and should be happy for their sibling and parents.

Parents are doing nothing wrong but it's clear that both DC want more family time and maybe they could help facilities this in a way that does not highlight income differences. And also frame it as that and not "success".

Weird way of looking at success.

Doctors give their all for people, your other daughter just makes money.

Perhaps a little off topic, but what is a C level job?