To have spent 12 years of child benefit?

[FullMoomin]

Having a panic attack.
I've just calculated that over the past 12 years of spending child benefit every month I've spent over £20,000!!!!!
I should have saved this money for DC!
If I had saved it, I could give it to them.
Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18!
Now I feel horrifically guilty that my DC wo t get that, when all their friends will.
Oh help, really panicking.
I will never, ever be in the financial situation to pay £16,000 back to them.
The money goes in to my account each month and first it got spent on nappies, food, supplementing my reduced income, then when they went to school it got used for school uniform, new shoes, clubs, food, etc.
Suddenly 12 years has crept up on me and I haven't saved a penny of it.
Only 4 years of CHB to go now and then it stops!! I feel like I've seriously failed my DC.

at this point there’s nothing you can do about it except start saving for them. Put away a bit a month so that you have something to give them.

Don't panic, you've done exactly what you were meant to with it! It's a benefit to you to help with the cost of children, not your children's money. I don't save ours, it just goes into the general household expenses. If your friends are saving it then good for them, I have no idea what my friends are doing with it. But please don't feel bad.

Please don't panic, I think what you have used it for is actually the whole purpose of it.

You spent the child benefit on what it's meant for. As most people do. Stop feeling guilty.

Umm, as a taxpayer I am very glad you have used CB in the way it is intended. Good for you for using it to benefit your children when they needed it.

Your friends should give it back to the state of they didn't need it. It's not meant to provide a lump sum at 18.

I'm panicking though.
Really, really panicking.
£20,000 would be a life changing amount of money to be able to give to DC.
I will never, ever be in the position to give them a lump sum of money.
How the f* have I spent this over 12 years😩

I don't know anyone who has talked about saving it. The point of it is to help you in the exact way you have described, so you really don't need to feel guilty or obliged to 'owe' your child.

I've saved £20 per month for mine but even then, the first year's money had to be spent because our car died and we needed every penny to buy another one. I don't feel like I owe £240 back. Whatever he is gifted once an adult is whatever I afforded.

Well, you needed the money at the time to look after your children. It's not like you gambled it away.

You did the right thing.

It’s not for saving. It’s for spending on the child. The point is historical. However wealthy a family, there was a risk that H wouldn’t give W the money she needed to feed the children.

Is this a new group of friends? If you had known them a long time, they would have mentioned it earlier when getting child benefit was a new experience?

No idea what proportion of the population could give their kids £20k. But no way should you feel bad if you can’t. If they give £20k to their kids, suspect they have many £’00k for themselves also.

Get new friends?

Oh come on. You are being ridiculous! It is supposed to be spent, not saved. And that is what most people do. You haven't done anything wrong!

You have spent the child benefit on raising your children - you haven't failed anyone. It's great that your friends were able to save their child benefit but they were living on reduced income I bet. Stop beating yourself.

But its already been a life changing amount of money, helping you care for your child.

Please don't feel guilt or panic about it.

CB was always meant to help with the cost of raising kids so to be spent exactly as you have, nappies, school shoes etc. There is an argument that if you can afford to save it you didn’t really need it in the first place. Yes, a lovely bonus for your kids but in many ways it just increases the divide between the haves and have nots so please do not feel guilty!

Because kids are expensive. I get child benefit and I get DLA for mine. I save a small amount of it but otherwise it gets spent on bettering their life. Premium nappies so they don't get sore, colorful clothes they love and are comfortable, food they will eat and therapies they need.

Don't feel guilty. Child benefit isn't a saving scheme it's for using. Also unless sensible would the 18 year olds just spend that money on fun things or life changing things?

The way to think of it is that by spending it now your children haven't had to go without, whereas you could have a lump of money in the bank and be on your arse struggling. I know which option I'd prefer.

Get a grip OP. It's meant to be used as you have done.

You must have a very privileged group of friends if they have all managed to save it. Previous posters are right, it’s meant to help with the costs of raising your child it’s not a savings account for their future or the government would just cut the middle man out and give everyone a lump sum payment on their 18th.

Are you prone to over reaction?

Sorry for swearing.
I don't usually swear! Highly stressed since calculating this!!!
It all started off by a colleague casually mentioning in conversation that she had a 'huge pot of money' from 18 years of CHB savings to give to her DS, she said it will completely change his start in to adult life.
I nearly fell off my chair when she told me how much she'd accumulated from saving CHB.
I had never even thought to save my CHB. I'd just always been incredibly grateful for it every month. Each month for 12 years that it's gone in to my account I've received it and thought "Thank you, I am so grateful for this".
So I asked around a few friends and said "My colleague told me she's giving a lump sum of 18 years of CHB to her DS...." and all my friends save theirs too. One said "Yeah, it adds up nicely doesn't it, we've got ours in a savings account and the interest is helping too now". Another said "Our DC will get double that because we've always matched the CHB", and everyone else has just agreed that they've saved theirs too.
Every one of my friends looked a mixture of shocked and dismayed when I said I haven't saved ours!
I've been suffering high level anxiety ever since!!! I really feel I've let my DC down.

The money is not meant to be saved for them, if it was the government would just put it in a separate account that they can't access until they turn 18.

The money is to take care of them which you did so you have no reason to panic. It's great that your friends were able to afford saving the money for their kids, focus on the fact that you have done your best for your kids.

No you have not let your kids down.

The 18 year olds will prob buy a car (that’s what mine did with money at 18) or go travelling.
So no great change to their lives.

We save our child benefit but then use it for bigger kids related things - new car seats, new beds, clothes, swimming lessons, birthday presents.

Your friends are the unreasonable ones if anything. Child benefit isn’t for a lump sum as a PP said. It sounds like you’re just not as wealthy as your friends and there’s nothing wrong with that. You spent your child benefit on giving your children a good childhood. That is a perfect usage of the money.

It sounds like your concern is that your children’s friends will get £20k at 18 and your children won’t? Firstly, I think giving an 18 year old £20k is a recipe for disaster! Secondly, do you think you and/or DP could squirrel away anything using monthly direct debits? I appreciate times are tough and it doesn’t make you a worse parent if you can’t do this. £50 a month is £600 a year so maybe that’s doable? Sorry if that’s tone deaf.

For what it’s worth, you sound like such a caring Mum. You’ve done a lot for your children and yet you’re still concerned it’s not enough. I had very rich parents but my parents didn’t give me any help with university or life! They really disliked me and my siblings and my Mum was constantly telling us she wished she’d never had us. I’m no contact with them now and having therapy! So please know that money does not make a good childhood or young adulthood. I used to dream all through my childhood of being adopted by some poor parents who loved me for who I was!

It's not £20k though.... it's £12k in 12 years? Isn't it £87 for one child and £65 for the second.
My kids do expensive activities. The money goes on that, rather than saving it.

You are being unreasonable to say that every child will have a £20k pot waiting for them at 18. That is not what CB is for. Some parents will be able to save some of it but I wouldn’t expect that to be the norm.

It's £96 a month (in Scotland anyway) so yes OP is right in it being 20k
Silly to come on and make a post that's unhelpful to OP especially when you don't have the right info