To have spent 12 years of child benefit?

[FullMoomin]

Having a panic attack.
I've just calculated that over the past 12 years of spending child benefit every month I've spent over £20,000!!!!!
I should have saved this money for DC!
If I had saved it, I could give it to them.
Turns out all my friends have been quietly saving theirs and now have a nice big monet pot to give their DC when they turn 18!
Now I feel horrifically guilty that my DC wo t get that, when all their friends will.
Oh help, really panicking.
I will never, ever be in the financial situation to pay £16,000 back to them.
The money goes in to my account each month and first it got spent on nappies, food, supplementing my reduced income, then when they went to school it got used for school uniform, new shoes, clubs, food, etc.
Suddenly 12 years has crept up on me and I haven't saved a penny of it.
Only 4 years of CHB to go now and then it stops!! I feel like I've seriously failed my DC.

@Janieforever I think they know that deep down.

Actually, when I had just gone on maternity leave with my third baby, my husband was made unexpectedly redundant. According to the job centre, my part time maternity pay and the JSA was enough for a family of 5 to live on so yes, we DID need to spend that money on nappies, in fact the child benefit was pretty much my shopping budget for us all!

Ultimately it is in the name. Child benefit is for the benefit of the child.

For some that means spending on essentials to keep them fed, clothed, warm and housed. For some it means enrichment extras... piano, ballet, swimming, school trips. For others it means spending later... on further education, a car, a deposit, or just money to do with what they want.

All are to benefit the child... which is a good thing.

I think you’ve misunderstood. Please re read what I wrote. Which was some but not all. I fully understand you were one of the some. But my statement stands. I was not asking people to tell me how poor they are, it was a general statement.

My mum and dad didn't save our child benefit (and i come from a family that weren't low income, but not rich either). They did however save money for us - whatever was given at the beginning at our births, christenings, birthdays, then whenever they wanted to top it up randomly. Then I carried on saving into that account once I was at an age I had access. It's how I had enough for a deposit on my first home. Depending on how old they are now, not too late to start. Yes it helps the earlier it is, but not everyone can.

@Dogon My mum and dad didn't save our child benefit (and i come from a family that weren't low income, but not rich either). They did however save money for us - whatever was given at the beginning at our births, christenings, birthdays, then whenever they wanted to top it up randomly

This is the point though, how can you separate the CH from income?? How can you say they didn't save child benefit, but they did top up your savings?

I depends how much they or their partners earn. They might have claimed it put it in an account but if their DP is a high earner they would have paid some or all back via tax.

I have spent every penny of my two children's child benefit on clothing, food and you know raising them. I work as well before you say anything . Your pals must be really priviledged to be able to say it up like that. Maybe Child Benefit should not be given to families over a certain wage bracket.

@RowcheRascal Or maybe people should only have children when they can afford basics like clothing, food and you know raising them.

When I had my third child we were doing ok financially, then my husband got made unexpectedly redundant and we got minimal benefits, not even council tax discount and our debts spiralled because they don't take into account any outgoings over rent and council tax. Should we have given our children up for adoption at that point? If you've never found yourself struggling, then maybe count your blessings rather than judging others?

If one parent is over a certain wage bracket they pay it back so it is effectively not paid.

@Tessabelle74 Woosh.

The point is it's not a high horse to say i've never saved a single penny and needed CB for basic essentials for 18 years along with distain for families who have worked hard to actually save for future expenses.

A bit melodramatic. And a bit illogical. CB is to help raise children. If it were for saving, what would be the point? I don’t know anyone who has saved all the money.
However, to relieve your anxiety, why don’t you do something like start a 10 year £25 a month tax-free savings plan asap? Your DC would get £3K plus interest at the more sensible age of early twenties.

Nothing to feel guilty about OP.

Child Benefit is to help with the cost of rearing a child. Some may be sufficiently rich to be able to ignore it and just put it away each month. I doubt many people manage that.

I certainly haven't saved it it is meant for providing for your child mine goes on food clothes and activities for my children . That is it's purpose

Mumdiva99 · 08/10/2023 05:13

You spent the child benefit on what it's meant for. As most people do. Stop feeling guilty”

This.

How can anyone say what CB is spent on? Doesn't it just go into the household budget along with wages and any benefits?

What's the difference between spending CB on food and clothes for children and saving some of your salary, vs saving CB and using your salary to pay for their food/clothes? It all goes into and comes out of the same pot, however money is managed within the household.

You used it on your child. It benefitted them. That's what the money is for. Those of us that could afford to put part (as I did) or all of it into savings plans,endowments ect. were in reasonable jobs. I couldn't afford to save all of my child benefit for my child. I used it on footwear. After school charges and saved a small a small amount on an endowment for when she reached 16. We all do the best we can. Don't worry!

If people can afford to save it, this is evidence that CB should be means tested! I didn't save our (couldn't) or her disability allowance money. As single hard-working mother to a disabled child, I focused on keeping a roof over our heads and feeding her well, staying warm and clean and safe. You used it for what it was intended. Really quite disgusted that people can save public money like this to give their (obviously comfortable) kids another leg up!

Honestly, I only know of two people/families who are putting this kind of money away for their kids. They are both wealthy.
Otherwise, just about all of my friends/family need at least some of this money for living costs, clothes, clubs, activities, etc, for kids. That's what it's there for. If you can afford to put it all into an account, you could argue that you don't need it.

I know my parents gave us some of it when we started Uni, but for a LOT of years (especially when my mum didn't work, when the three of us were small), it was needed to buy school uniform, and the like.
I wouldn't sweat it. I'm sure you are doing everything you can for your children, especially when you say they have SEN. That's tough, and will bring extra challenges/costs. You can only do your best.

I think your comparative friends are unusual OP.
There are times in our lives when we could have saved the CB and others when we couldn't. I have always considered it to be part of the household budget to be spent.
Very few children will be in the position of your friends' children.
My kids will get their Child Trust Fund (no additional payments) when they are 18. Some of their friend's trust funds will have been topped up over the years by parents and grandparents.

Life isn't fair OP, but your kids have loving. supportive parents, and that means more than money.

We absolutely had no choice but to spend child benefit on the same things you have. It's the whole purpose of having the benefit - to help provide for kids. The purpose isn't to save it and give it to them when theyre older. Had you saved it and not spent it on the essentials (which can include food) then your kids might have gone without.

Mumsnet hates the idea of people savings money for their kids

No just some of those who haven’t done so.

I don’t get those making up in their heads rules for it and posting it like it’s true, as some sort of made up justification why folks who receive child benefit should not save any of their overall income for their kids growing up.

utterly bizzare.

The frothing is ludicrous.