Would this bother you? School uniform related

[Madwife123]

DD aged 11 has just started high school.

The school is very strict on uniform which we knew. She has the problem of being tall and slim so when shopping for skirts, all the one’s that came to her knees were falling down on her, even with an adjustable waist. No option for the girls to wear trousers at the school. So the skirt she ended up with is a tiny bit too short. I’ve measured and it’s 1.5 cm above the top of her knee. She has thick opaque black tights with the skirt.

She was stopped by a teacher in the corridor at school and told her skirt is too short and to roll it down. She explained it wasn’t rolled up and the teacher told her to lift her jumper up so she could see her waistband and prove it wasn’t rolled up. This was in front of other pupils.

This really doesn’t sit right with me and I’m considering making a complaint but wanted to know if I’m overreacting.

I know she had a shirt on under her jumper but even so I just don’t think it’s ok that an adult can ask a child to lift an item of clothing, particularly in front of others. Are we not supposed to be teaching our daughters bodily autonomy? That no one has the right to ask them to undress in any way, no matter how small without their consent? She feels embarrassed and humiliated and is really upset by this and I just can’t understand how this can be deemed acceptable.

Would this bother you if it was your child?

Parents and uniform! The skirt is on the edge of being too short you said it yourself.
You know the school rules. Why are you being all daily mail about it.
Get her a better skirt.

Did you not read what I said. She is too tall and slim for the skirt to fit correctly. It’s the school logo skirt. There is no option to get a different skirt unless I can shrink her or make her gain weight over the weekend!

But my question isn’t about the skirt being too short or not. It’s about the acceptability of an adult asking a child to lift an item of they clothing up.

As no part of her actual unclothed body was showing I think it’s fine. Is there any hem at all that can be taken down?

Or put in darts to take in the waistband

Would you feel differently if they asked a student to lift a jumper to check for a weapon?

Because the minute we tell students it's not OK for one thing it becomes not OK for everything.

The hem has a pale blue line along the edge so no. Taking the hem down would alter the design of the skirt and still wouldn’t meet uniform policy.

They insist on one particular skirt, that doesn’t come in different lengths and don’t allow girls to wear trousers (which she would actually prefer). Hence the slightly too short skirt being the only option.

I would still expect this to be done in private not in the middle of a corridor full of pupils.

If it was too hot, would you expect her to be allowed to take her jumper off in class? Does she get changed in a communal room for pe?

I wouldn't have liked this either OP, especially not in front of other people. It's a bit humiliating.

Surely it's worse for a child to be asked in private?
I don't see an issue with asking to see a waistband. A waistband is a visible item of clothing if the child is wearing a shirt underneath a jumper without skin showing.

I actually think in private would be a much bigger safeguarding issue for me. It’s a quick shirt sharp check designed to show others who might well be rolling up the waistband that it will be called out.

I would however write to the school pointing out they’ve chosen a supplier which means that for some children it’s impossible to meet the policy.

I'm not getting why a waistband is private, if it was hot you'd have her take her jumper off and bingo - same waistband. You're getting a bit too precious with this one I'm afraid. The expectation would be that you would get a bigger skirt and take it in at the waist so it fits, so just do that instead. If you don't know how to sew, most launderettes offer a service for minor adjustments like that.

@Witchcraftandhokum Can you not see the difference between a child choosing to take an item of clothing off and an adult telling them to? It’s not about what it was, what it exposed but teaching young girls that adults have the ability to make them remove clothing. It doesn’t seem a healthy message to me.

I would think a teacher taking a child into a private space to ask them to raise their jumper would actually be viewed by some as worse OP.

I think YBU lots of girls do roll their skirts up. The teacher only needed to see the waist band. She didn’t ask her to raise her shirt. I think there is nothing dodgy in this at all.

have you informed school the problems getting a skirt the right length and asking what they suggest you do?

i think it’s unreasonable to be angry at the teacher about this-who is just doing their job. But I understand that the situation is frustrating so if you contact the school politely hopefully they can either allow trousers or suggest a better fix re the skirt.

Agree with most of the pp. it’s not an issue, worse in private. No skin was showing. Just alter the skirt. But no harm in letting the school know about the sizing limitations. I definitely wouldn’t be making a big deal of this to my daughter or to the school. Is other stuff going on? Seems a small thing for her to be humiliated by?

@VioletPickles She is autistic so particularly sensitive to being the centre of attention and easily embarrassed by this. The teacher won’t have known this though as the teacher isn’t one of her teachers.

But she wasn't asked to remove any clothing was she? And by the way I asked students everyday to remove non-uniform items such as hoodies every day.

She didn’t ask your daughter to remove a piece of clothing. She asked to see the waist band for a uniform check. This is sort of normal school life. If the teacher just randomly ordered your child to take a piece of clothing off then maybe I would get your annoyance but I don’t see this harming a child’s bodily autonomy.

Showing the waistband of her skirt in no way exposed her. Yes, she was clearly embarrassed being asked to do so publicly, but OP you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Unless the skirt is permanently pleated at the way round then it can be adjusted to fit her waist correctly without altering the style. The issue with the length I think you need to tell the school about.

I think you are hurt at your daughter being accused of something she hasn't done. I understand but I'd move on. You'll have bigger things to email over on the school journey and this time next year you'll realise this isn't that big.

It's a waistband, not her undergarments! This is entirely on you, you could have avoided this by buying the correct length. Add a dart to the waist or buy something like this from Shein if the waist is too big. My DD's school is very strict on uniform, it's my job to make sure they aren't pulled up on it.

She didn’t ask her to remove her clothing though did she? What are you going to say in your complaint letter/email? ‘A teacher asked to see DD’s waistband in order to check the length of her skirt??’

You already know the skirt is short so I don’t understand. Obviously some teachers will pick up on it and challenge it. Saying that you’d prefer for the teacher to privately ask your Autistic DD to reveal her waistband is nuts. Safeguarding issue and all that

@CeeChynaa The in private was in response to someone mentioning concealed weapons. It just didn’t quote correctly.

Fair enough.

Your best bet is probably to notify the school that in order to comply with the uniform policy, the skirt required for DD to wear is slightly shorter than requested. This won’t stop teachers asking her to pull her skirt down but at least you’ve left the school know.

The skirt in particular, does it have the school’s logo or is it a specific texture? Are you absolutely sure you’re not able to find a longer skirt that’s still acceptable to get teachers off of DD’s back?

OP has already said it is a logo skirt.