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Original poster

Would this bother you? School uniform related

135 replies

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 03:48

DD aged 11 has just started high school.

The school is very strict on uniform which we knew. She has the problem of being tall and slim so when shopping for skirts, all the one’s that came to her knees were falling down on her, even with an adjustable waist. No option for the girls to wear trousers at the school. So the skirt she ended up with is a tiny bit too short. I’ve measured and it’s 1.5 cm above the top of her knee. She has thick opaque black tights with the skirt.

She was stopped by a teacher in the corridor at school and told her skirt is too short and to roll it down. She explained it wasn’t rolled up and the teacher told her to lift her jumper up so she could see her waistband and prove it wasn’t rolled up. This was in front of other pupils.

This really doesn’t sit right with me and I’m considering making a complaint but wanted to know if I’m overreacting.

I know she had a shirt on under her jumper but even so I just don’t think it’s ok that an adult can ask a child to lift an item of clothing, particularly in front of others. Are we not supposed to be teaching our daughters bodily autonomy? That no one has the right to ask them to undress in any way, no matter how small without their consent? She feels embarrassed and humiliated and is really upset by this and I just can’t understand how this can be deemed acceptable.

Would this bother you if it was your child?

OP posts:
Gillypie23 · 07/10/2023 08:23

You're overreacting. They haven't asked her to undress in public.

Paramummy3 · 07/10/2023 08:24

I think you’re over reacting- they were doing a uniform check, not forcing anyone to remove any clothing! They don’t have time or space to take kids into a private area for uniform checks.

agree you need to buy a longer skirt, and find a way to make the waist fit. A tailor would take in the waist for you

Snugglemonkey · 07/10/2023 08:25

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:28

@VioletPickles She is autistic so particularly sensitive to being the centre of attention and easily embarrassed by this. The teacher won’t have known this though as the teacher isn’t one of her teachers.

Then you really need to help her out by getting her a longer skirt and having the waist adjusted. She will keep growing and the shirt will be even shorter. This will be repeated if you do not sort it out.

Newbutoldfather · 07/10/2023 08:26

Skirt length is one of the most vexed issues at the moment.

The thing is that girls do feel embarrassed for an adult to clearly be staring at their skirt (especially a male) but, OTOH, when schools decide to not enforce it, girls do actually come in with their arses on display!

Personally, as a male teacher, I never enforced it at all. In extreme cases (maybe half a dozen in a decade of teaching) I mentioned it to the head of year or someone in a senior pastoral role, and left it to them.

However, I am not a massive believer in the importance of uniform anyway. If you do believe in it, it has to be…..uniform (as in everyone the same). And, if you go down that path, it has to be enforced somehow.

There are no comfortable solutions.

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 07/10/2023 08:27

Why aren't you kicking up absolute merry hell that the girls aren't allowed trousers in 2023?

I cannot believe you and other parents just accept this.

Stand up for your daughters Ffs

aSofaNearYou · 07/10/2023 08:28

I'm a bit annoyed by all the people saying just buy a bigger skirt then alter it/pay to have it altered as if that's a totally reasonable expectation. Yes that might be what's expected, but it shouldn't be that complicated and/or expensive. Students should have more options than just the one, they should at least be able to buy different plain skirts of the same colour to fit their bodies.

grayhairdontcare · 07/10/2023 08:31

I think you are in for a long few years if you constantly overreact to every minor school problem.

GiraffeLaSophie · 07/10/2023 08:31

No, it wouldn’t bother me and I think you’re being a bit ridiculous about it.

However, I am really surprised that a specified school skirt doesn’t come in different lengths as well as waist sizes. Unless your daughter is very tall and very slim she can’t be the only person having this problem. If someone mentions it to her again then I might email her form tutor or head of year and explain the situation. The school shouldn’t have picked a skirt that only comes in a set length!

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 07/10/2023 08:31

What did I just read?

It’s school and there are uniform rules. First, you flout them. Then, you encourage your daughter to see being questioned over it as some kind of abusive action.

Nothing anyone says on here to the contrary will sink in because you are determined to victimise her and yourself. But honestly, it’s absurd.

Buy her the length that meets requirements and then take the waist in. If you don’t know how, then you must pay someone else to take the waist in.

My daughter is 11yo, 5ft7 and a U.K. size 2-4. Trust me, I get it. But being tall does not make her exempt from the rules.

And to the direct point in question; teachers are allowed to inspect uniform, yes. It would be unreasonable if the skirt were the correct length and it were examined for rule violations anyway. That would be singling her out unnecessarily. Since the skirt is a whopping 1.5cm out of tolerance (and presumably this number will only increase as the year goes on), she caught the attention of a teacher. Avoid this by respecting the rules and sending her in the right uniform.

zozueme · 07/10/2023 08:31

aSofaNearYou · 07/10/2023 08:28

I'm a bit annoyed by all the people saying just buy a bigger skirt then alter it/pay to have it altered as if that's a totally reasonable expectation. Yes that might be what's expected, but it shouldn't be that complicated and/or expensive. Students should have more options than just the one, they should at least be able to buy different plain skirts of the same colour to fit their bodies.

I agree

Macaroni46 · 07/10/2023 08:32

LlynTegid · 07/10/2023 07:00

Trousers should be an option in all schools in my opinion.

This. And should come in different lengths as well as waist sizes.

cansu · 07/10/2023 08:32

What do you want the school to say? They are not going to change their policy because someone's mum thinks that showing the waistband is denying their child body autonomy or some such rubbish. You need to get a lin enough skirt and add a waist adjustment. You can get this done by a seamstress.

AnOldCynic · 07/10/2023 08:33

@Madwife123 yes, you are over-reacting. It's got nothing to do with bodily autonomy. If your child was upset about this then you need to explain that the teacher was just just doing their job.

MidnightOnceMore · 07/10/2023 08:33

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 07/10/2023 08:27

Why aren't you kicking up absolute merry hell that the girls aren't allowed trousers in 2023?

I cannot believe you and other parents just accept this.

Stand up for your daughters Ffs

Absolutely.

Totally unacceptable in the 21st century.

SafariAnimal · 07/10/2023 08:34

RonObvious · 07/10/2023 06:50

The skirt thing drives me insane! They made all the year 7 girls in my daughter’s class stand up for a “skirt check”. I agree that that’s just humiliating. I don’t see why schools are so obsessed with the length of girls skirts!

Because even with checks some girls just take the piss - I’m a teacher and actually saw a flash of bum cheek yesterday because a girl at school had her skirt that short.
If we didn’t check (and it’s rife on MUFTI days) we see far more flesh than is appropriate outside of a beach/swimming pool setting.
I don’t particularly want to know what kind of underwear is preferred by the 14 year olds I teach, but maybe that’s just me 🤷‍♀️

LolaSmiles · 07/10/2023 08:36

I'm a bit annoyed by all the people saying just buy a bigger skirt then alter it/pay to have it altered as if that's a totally reasonable expectation. Yes that might be what's expected, but it shouldn't be that complicated and/or expensive.Students should have more options than just the one, they should at least be able to buy different plain skirts of the same colour to fit their bodies
I agree with you, but people are giving advice for the situation the OP is in, which seems reasonable.
She can sort a skirt out within the uniform rules and also contact school about the issues in the policy.

Universalsnail · 07/10/2023 08:37

SafariAnimal · 07/10/2023 08:34

Because even with checks some girls just take the piss - I’m a teacher and actually saw a flash of bum cheek yesterday because a girl at school had her skirt that short.
If we didn’t check (and it’s rife on MUFTI days) we see far more flesh than is appropriate outside of a beach/swimming pool setting.
I don’t particularly want to know what kind of underwear is preferred by the 14 year olds I teach, but maybe that’s just me 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

The girl was wearing black tights and the skirt was less then 2cm about the knee. Hardly bum flashing. Don't act like teachers need to be checking everyone's skirt because some kids take the piss. Just tell the kids whose skirt is so short they are flashing bum surely

splothersdog · 07/10/2023 08:45

I haven't read the full thread but I am just leaving this here.
A poem from the wonderful Hollie McNish.
The obsession with skirt length in schools drives me insane.
And I am a teacher

Would this bother you? School uniform related
Freesiabritney · 07/10/2023 08:45

These uniform rules are absolute lunacy. Jesus christ, obviously on a tall person the skirt will be shorter than petite people.

Lulu1919 · 07/10/2023 08:48

I had a tall very slim daughter...
Bought the skirt the right length and got it altered on the high street....I think cost £10 for two skirts
Problem solved

ASCCM · 07/10/2023 08:48

I would I have just adjusted the skirt myself by adding darts to the waistband.

Im not one of those self entitled parents that believes I’m above the rules for any reason whatsoever ( I also would not have sent my kid into a situation where they could get into trouble for choices I make)

I don’t see any problem with the teachers checking and high standard of uniform, I’d hate a school where they didn’t care.

cansu · 07/10/2023 08:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

aSofaNearYou · 07/10/2023 08:50

LolaSmiles · 07/10/2023 08:36

I'm a bit annoyed by all the people saying just buy a bigger skirt then alter it/pay to have it altered as if that's a totally reasonable expectation. Yes that might be what's expected, but it shouldn't be that complicated and/or expensive.Students should have more options than just the one, they should at least be able to buy different plain skirts of the same colour to fit their bodies
I agree with you, but people are giving advice for the situation the OP is in, which seems reasonable.
She can sort a skirt out within the uniform rules and also contact school about the issues in the policy.

Yes I know it's the immediate solution, but the tone of many comments suggests that the rules are reasonable and OP is the problem for not just doing it.

LovelySparkle · 07/10/2023 08:53

Just adjust the waist to fit.
Also agree that it would have been worse to ask her to do it in private.

Syndulla · 07/10/2023 08:54

I don't think it's the end of the world that your DD was asked to show her waistband.

I do think it's ridiculous that a school can have a uniform policy that has one type of skirt for girls that requires parents to adjust it to meet their standards. I would complain about this. It certainly doesn't meet the government guidance on uniform.