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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this bother you? School uniform related

135 replies

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 03:48

DD aged 11 has just started high school.

The school is very strict on uniform which we knew. She has the problem of being tall and slim so when shopping for skirts, all the one’s that came to her knees were falling down on her, even with an adjustable waist. No option for the girls to wear trousers at the school. So the skirt she ended up with is a tiny bit too short. I’ve measured and it’s 1.5 cm above the top of her knee. She has thick opaque black tights with the skirt.

She was stopped by a teacher in the corridor at school and told her skirt is too short and to roll it down. She explained it wasn’t rolled up and the teacher told her to lift her jumper up so she could see her waistband and prove it wasn’t rolled up. This was in front of other pupils.

This really doesn’t sit right with me and I’m considering making a complaint but wanted to know if I’m overreacting.

I know she had a shirt on under her jumper but even so I just don’t think it’s ok that an adult can ask a child to lift an item of clothing, particularly in front of others. Are we not supposed to be teaching our daughters bodily autonomy? That no one has the right to ask them to undress in any way, no matter how small without their consent? She feels embarrassed and humiliated and is really upset by this and I just can’t understand how this can be deemed acceptable.

Would this bother you if it was your child?

OP posts:

timetochangethering · 07/10/2023 06:55

You have to do the same as I do - buy the size that is the correct length and get it altered to fit.

There are many parents in the same boat...

Oh and potentially make a complaint suggestion about lack of uniform sizes to the school, there should be a good variety of waist and length options....

Theunamedcat · 07/10/2023 06:55

Get a larger skirt and have it tailored to fit then she will no longer be stopped and embarrassed

LlynTegid · 07/10/2023 07:00

Trousers should be an option in all schools in my opinion.

Weedoormatnomore · 07/10/2023 07:01

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:18

I would still expect this to be done in private not in the middle of a corridor full of pupils.

In private would be worse.
It happened all the time at my daughters school kids had shirts tucked in skirts so no bareskin was ever shown.
Ask to speak to school explain the problem or DD will keep getting stopped. Or ask on school parent fb what other parents have done would be very surprised if you DD is the only tall skinny child having problems with the school skirt if they only do one length.

TakeMe2Insanity · 07/10/2023 07:02

Hollyhead · 07/10/2023 04:22

I actually think in private would be a much bigger safeguarding issue for me. It’s a quick shirt sharp check designed to show others who might well be rolling up the waistband that it will be called out.

I would however write to the school pointing out they’ve chosen a supplier which means that for some children it’s impossible to meet the policy.

This.

LolaSmiles · 07/10/2023 07:08

Agree with people who said in private would be worse, but would also email the school to point out that by not stocking skirts in different lengths they are making it more difficult for some students to access correct uniform.

Then I'd get the skirt that's the correct length and have it adjusted or safety pin the waist because in the short term your DC is going to keep getting stopped if she's wearing a skirt that's too short for uniform.

Indiaplain · 07/10/2023 07:09

This is awful and honestly I wouldn't like it at all. It is humiliating and yes - maybe an adult would be asked to do this at an airport, but not routinely or in the workplace. Children deserve to be treated respectfully and not be embarrassed.

I would be humiliated, even if skin is covered teenagers might well feel self conscious about their bodies.

I guess I'm in the minority but I hate the concept of school uniform anyway and find it dated and odd. Why can't girls wear trousers?!

Bimblebore · 07/10/2023 07:12

The British obsession with uniform is such a blight on education. Since when did a person's attire affect their ability to learn? It's so petty and cringeworthy.

rosesinmygarden · 07/10/2023 07:12

Completely normal for staff to do this.

Get a bigger skirt and take the waist in.

My dd is short with wide hips. We have the opposite issue and I've had to take her skirts up to meet uniform policy. It's not ideal but she only has 2 skirts, so not a massive issue.

It would be worth pointing out to the school that their uniform supplier/policy is causing a problem, though.

RancidOldHag · 07/10/2023 07:16

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:11

Did you not read what I said. She is too tall and slim for the skirt to fit correctly. It’s the school logo skirt. There is no option to get a different skirt unless I can shrink her or make her gain weight over the weekend!

But my question isn’t about the skirt being too short or not. It’s about the acceptability of an adult asking a child to lift an item of they clothing up.

There are times when I lament the loss of sewing skills

Not only whether an individual has then, but that they know they exist.

It's straightforward to take in a skirt at the waist, and dry cleaners can do these sorts of alterations.

But, yes it's OK for teachers to check uniform (as long as the only garments removed are outer ones such as coats and jumpers) but I have sympathy with those who will only do it in twos because of potential for complaints (even though there is nothing to the substance of it)

SusiePevensie · 07/10/2023 07:19

What an utter waste of everyone's time school uniform is.

Fifireee · 07/10/2023 07:20

She is too tall and slim for the skirt to fit?

Ridiculous.
So no clothes fit her? So they don’t do a longer skirt with a smaller waist? So you can’t pay and get it altered??
The skirt is too short and you’re whinging about the teacher telling her it’s too short?!
The trauma of lifting up her jumper?!?!?!
I think you should call the UN!

Fifireee · 07/10/2023 07:22

You send your kid to school in the wrong uniform then moan about body autonomy Ffs.

Boating123 · 07/10/2023 07:26

Over 20 years ago when I was at school girls rolled their skirts up to make them shorter. It's not a new thing. If all the girls just said it's not rolled up and the teachers couldn't check they would stay short. What actually happened is they rolled them down for the teacher then 2 minutes later rolled them back up again.

She wasn't asked to show of her body. The teacher just needed to see the waist band.

Sirzy · 07/10/2023 07:27

It’s literally a case of lifting one part of the jumper a few inches. Mountain out of molehill springs to mind!

Smartiepants79 · 07/10/2023 07:31

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:18

I would still expect this to be done in private not in the middle of a corridor full of pupils.

In private would be a huge safeguarding no no.
It sounds particularly draconian and the pettiness would annoy me but I’m not sure it’s worth starting an argument with school about.
They simply tell you that the teacher was following the uniform policy and it may draw more unwanted attention to your DD.

Bookish88 · 07/10/2023 07:31

Buy the correct skirt. Take in the waistband. Job done.

Boomerangs · 07/10/2023 07:40

Yes I agree with op definitely not acceptable the teacher should have got another adult as witness and asked to check waistband in private room and if child refused then call parent in to supervise a check.

zozueme · 07/10/2023 07:46

Is it a state school or private? I think state schools are supposed to give a choice of uniform suppliers now.

If you're already paying over the odds for a logoed skirt which doesn't even come in different lengths it's pretty annoying (and extra expense) to have to pay to get it altered. I'd consider raising that with school but not the waistband check, which I think was fine.

MammaTo · 07/10/2023 07:51

We used to have to show the inside of our shirt collars to a teacher to prove we never had make up on to get into the canteen at dinner.
It’s fine.

berksandbeyond · 07/10/2023 07:51

You sound incredibly precious. Why did you choose a school with such a strict uniform policy if you’re not going to follow it? Have you actually spoken to the school about how the skirt doesn’t fit right? I doubt she is the first ever tall and slim child…

Sirzy · 07/10/2023 07:51

Boomerangs · 07/10/2023 07:40

But that turns a tiny thing into a big issue.

LittleBrenda · 07/10/2023 07:53

The top and bottom of it is that there isn't enough staff or room to get a second adult and then go to an empty room and then look at the skirt. It would be lovely if there was. It would be lovely if teachers didn't have to bang on about uniforms too.

My dd is 17 and wears age nine knickers. I had to take in the waist of her school kilt. There is no way she would have felt comfortable breaking the uniform rules in year seven, although more than happy to do so as she got older.

xyz111 · 07/10/2023 07:53

RonObvious · 07/10/2023 06:50

The skirt thing drives me insane! They made all the year 7 girls in my daughter’s class stand up for a “skirt check”. I agree that that’s just humiliating. I don’t see why schools are so obsessed with the length of girls skirts!

Probably because some girls take it to the extreme. I saw a girl outside a school with a shirt so short you'd see her knickers if there was a tiny gust of wind. If the school are going to speak to one pupil, they need to speak to them all.

MidnightOnceMore · 07/10/2023 07:54

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:17

The hem has a pale blue line along the edge so no. Taking the hem down would alter the design of the skirt and still wouldn’t meet uniform policy.

They insist on one particular skirt, that doesn’t come in different lengths and don’t allow girls to wear trousers (which she would actually prefer). Hence the slightly too short skirt being the only option.

The school is being stupid. Many schools are ridiculous about uniform, unfortunately. It is an insane British obsession.

The school should allow trousers, it is sexist shite not to allow a choice.

The school can EITHER specify amount of leg visible below a skirt or specify a specific skirt, but they can't specify the amount of a child's leg that shows below a particular skirt because human leg length varies.

Yes, I'd complain. The issue is the school approach.

What a shame you have such a crap headteacher!

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