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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this bother you? School uniform related

135 replies

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 03:48

DD aged 11 has just started high school.

The school is very strict on uniform which we knew. She has the problem of being tall and slim so when shopping for skirts, all the one’s that came to her knees were falling down on her, even with an adjustable waist. No option for the girls to wear trousers at the school. So the skirt she ended up with is a tiny bit too short. I’ve measured and it’s 1.5 cm above the top of her knee. She has thick opaque black tights with the skirt.

She was stopped by a teacher in the corridor at school and told her skirt is too short and to roll it down. She explained it wasn’t rolled up and the teacher told her to lift her jumper up so she could see her waistband and prove it wasn’t rolled up. This was in front of other pupils.

This really doesn’t sit right with me and I’m considering making a complaint but wanted to know if I’m overreacting.

I know she had a shirt on under her jumper but even so I just don’t think it’s ok that an adult can ask a child to lift an item of clothing, particularly in front of others. Are we not supposed to be teaching our daughters bodily autonomy? That no one has the right to ask them to undress in any way, no matter how small without their consent? She feels embarrassed and humiliated and is really upset by this and I just can’t understand how this can be deemed acceptable.

Would this bother you if it was your child?

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 07/10/2023 07:58

There are plenty of places where you can get a uniform adjusted if you’re not able to do so yourself, OP. You should’ve found one for your daughter to avoid this situation.

Soontobe60 · 07/10/2023 08:00

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:25

@Witchcraftandhokum Can you not see the difference between a child choosing to take an item of clothing off and an adult telling them to? It’s not about what it was, what it exposed but teaching young girls that adults have the ability to make them remove clothing. It doesn’t seem a healthy message to me.

But she wasn’t asked to take it off. She was asked to prove that she didn’t have her skirt rolled up. In order to do that she would have had to expose…. Absolutely nothing!
She’s going to grow over the year presumably, so you should have done what all parents do at the start of the year and bought her a skirt in the next size up then put a safety pin in it at the waist.

Primproperpenny · 07/10/2023 08:01

Threads like this annoy me. You chose a school with a sexist, old fashioned uniform policy. No trousers? Where are we? 1930? A school that does not understand girls and young women have different body shapes is not an understanding school. Why send her there?

Soontobe60 · 07/10/2023 08:03

Boomerangs · 07/10/2023 07:40

Yes I agree with op definitely not acceptable the teacher should have got another adult as witness and asked to check waistband in private room and if child refused then call parent in to supervise a check.

Hahaha!

Fairydustandsparklylights · 07/10/2023 08:06

Having to do deal with idiot parents like the Op is why teachers are leaving. Op has bought a skirt too short, which sounds justified as she couldn’t get one to fit. But then when a teacher asks to see if it is rolled up, she is outraged. Nobody is asking her to remove clothing, it’s a skirt waistband. If you had done your job properly in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. Absolute joke.

Lovethatforyouhun · 07/10/2023 08:08

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zozueme · 07/10/2023 08:08

Primproperpenny · 07/10/2023 08:01

Threads like this annoy me. You chose a school with a sexist, old fashioned uniform policy. No trousers? Where are we? 1930? A school that does not understand girls and young women have different body shapes is not an understanding school. Why send her there?

Uniform isn't usually among people's criteria when choosing schools though is it? It certainly wouldn't have occurred to me, and even if it had it would have come low down the list.

Also lots of parents don't have a choice of secondary school - it's your nearest or none at all.

Parker231 · 07/10/2023 08:09

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:17

The hem has a pale blue line along the edge so no. Taking the hem down would alter the design of the skirt and still wouldn’t meet uniform policy.

They insist on one particular skirt, that doesn’t come in different lengths and don’t allow girls to wear trousers (which she would actually prefer). Hence the slightly too short skirt being the only option.

I would be querying with the school that if the boys can wear trousers why can’t girls?

MidnightOnceMore · 07/10/2023 08:10

Fairydustandsparklylights · 07/10/2023 08:06

Having to do deal with idiot parents like the Op is why teachers are leaving. Op has bought a skirt too short, which sounds justified as she couldn’t get one to fit. But then when a teacher asks to see if it is rolled up, she is outraged. Nobody is asking her to remove clothing, it’s a skirt waistband. If you had done your job properly in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. Absolute joke.

Edited

Teachers are leaving due to continued underfunding of both teacher wages and schools in general, a deliberate choice of the Tory government.

The last 13 years have been terrible for state education.

No one is leaving because the op's daughter's legs are an inch longer than other girls with her waist size. That's only an issue because the headteacher has chosen to make it one in the first place.

zozueme · 07/10/2023 08:10

Also 1.5cm above the knee would be considered embarrassingly long at my dd's school 😁

RancidOldHag · 07/10/2023 08:12

Soontobe60 · 07/10/2023 08:03

Hahaha!

Show quote history

That would be required for something intrusive.

Not for a check that requires only the moving of part of on outer garment, or the removal of one

Cosyblankets · 07/10/2023 08:15

No it wouldn't bother me.
Teacher has been told to check.
Teacher is doing their job.
No part of her body was on show.
Multiple posters have suggested taking the waist in.
You know she's autistic.
You knew there might be a problem.
You didn't get the skirt altered .
You haven't asked for a meeting with the school to ask what they suggest.

Pottedpalm · 07/10/2023 08:16

YABVU
buy the skirt of the correct length and pay a tailor to alter it

Fairydustandsparklylights · 07/10/2023 08:17

MidnightOnceMore · 07/10/2023 08:10

Teachers are leaving due to continued underfunding of both teacher wages and schools in general, a deliberate choice of the Tory government.

The last 13 years have been terrible for state education.

No one is leaving because the op's daughter's legs are an inch longer than other girls with her waist size. That's only an issue because the headteacher has chosen to make it one in the first place.

Show quote history

Teachers are partly leaving due to having to constantly deal with parents who refuse to abide by the rules and then try to deflect and accuse the teacher of being inappropriate.

workload is a big issue and then add to it multiple parents and their ridiculous demands and teachers have had enough.

Imagine doing a simple task in your job and then having complaints made against you for being inappropriate with a minor.

Universalsnail · 07/10/2023 08:17

Considering there is no option to buy a skirt that fits the rules because you have to have the logod one I would be complaining to school about this.

Sartre · 07/10/2023 08:18

You can fix the waistband so it doesn’t fall down. My DD has the same issue, she’s tall and slim so the waistband on the ones long enough are always too big. I’m not remotely crafty but took it to a seamstress who fixed it so it now fits perfectly. There are options, buying a short skirt wasn’t your only one.

Universalsnail · 07/10/2023 08:18

Fairydustandsparklylights · 07/10/2023 08:17

Teachers are partly leaving due to having to constantly deal with parents who refuse to abide by the rules and then try to deflect and accuse the teacher of being inappropriate.

workload is a big issue and then add to it multiple parents and their ridiculous demands and teachers have had enough.

Imagine doing a simple task in your job and then having complaints made against you for being inappropriate with a minor.

Show quote history

Checking girls skirt lengths is a choice that teacher made. They could just not have.

Basilton · 07/10/2023 08:19

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:25

@Witchcraftandhokum Can you not see the difference between a child choosing to take an item of clothing off and an adult telling them to? It’s not about what it was, what it exposed but teaching young girls that adults have the ability to make them remove clothing. It doesn’t seem a healthy message to me.

They didn’t ask her to remove her clothing, they asked to see the waistband, something that would be readily visible had she been too hot for her jumper, that is the point other posters are making. And yes why you think a teacher bringing her to a private place to lift her jumper would have been better, shows you really are in no position to comment on what is appropriate behaviour from a teacher!

Buy her a skirt that meets the policy, it really is not that hard.

cansu · 07/10/2023 08:19

This is common. All the girls I speak to about this have a rolled up skirt. They all tell me it is not rolled. It always is. Yes you would be ridiculous. Get a longer skirt and have the waistband altered.

QuillBill · 07/10/2023 08:19

At my DD's school it's the 'fashion' to wear your jumper tucked right into your skirt.

Like right in.

getfreddynow · 07/10/2023 08:19

What have you decided to do? Buy a bigger skirt and get it taken in or email the school and complain?

cansu · 07/10/2023 08:20

By the way it isn't a choice the teacher made. It is following school policy and doing their job.

Phineyj · 07/10/2023 08:20

The school are ridiculous to be so restrictive on garments.

However, it is an easy fix. Don't most dry cleaners do small alterations like this?

The teacher is just enforcing the (ridiculous) policy.

There will be lots of other students wearing the uniform wrongly, deliberately - it's a safe form of rebellion!

Universalsnail · 07/10/2023 08:20

zozueme · 07/10/2023 08:08

Uniform isn't usually among people's criteria when choosing schools though is it? It certainly wouldn't have occurred to me, and even if it had it would have come low down the list.

Also lots of parents don't have a choice of secondary school - it's your nearest or none at all.

Show quote history

I don't know. I think extremely restrictive uniform policies that target things like skirt length are pretty harmful and I definitely wouldn't be sending my kids to a school with such policy. Uniform was definitely a factor I considered when we were looking around.

Universalsnail · 07/10/2023 08:22

cansu · 07/10/2023 08:20

By the way it isn't a choice the teacher made. It is following school policy and doing their job.

It's a choice unless the head was standing behind the teacher.

We had a restrictive uniform policy. Some teachers were always reinforcing it, others never mentioned it no matter what you were wearing.