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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this bother you? School uniform related

135 replies

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 03:48

DD aged 11 has just started high school.

The school is very strict on uniform which we knew. She has the problem of being tall and slim so when shopping for skirts, all the one’s that came to her knees were falling down on her, even with an adjustable waist. No option for the girls to wear trousers at the school. So the skirt she ended up with is a tiny bit too short. I’ve measured and it’s 1.5 cm above the top of her knee. She has thick opaque black tights with the skirt.

She was stopped by a teacher in the corridor at school and told her skirt is too short and to roll it down. She explained it wasn’t rolled up and the teacher told her to lift her jumper up so she could see her waistband and prove it wasn’t rolled up. This was in front of other pupils.

This really doesn’t sit right with me and I’m considering making a complaint but wanted to know if I’m overreacting.

I know she had a shirt on under her jumper but even so I just don’t think it’s ok that an adult can ask a child to lift an item of clothing, particularly in front of others. Are we not supposed to be teaching our daughters bodily autonomy? That no one has the right to ask them to undress in any way, no matter how small without their consent? She feels embarrassed and humiliated and is really upset by this and I just can’t understand how this can be deemed acceptable.

Would this bother you if it was your child?

OP posts:
Simonjt · 07/10/2023 05:29

Just take the waist band in, that won’t alter any school logo on the skirt and you can easily match up the blue.

countrygirl99 · 07/10/2023 05:42

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:17

The hem has a pale blue line along the edge so no. Taking the hem down would alter the design of the skirt and still wouldn’t meet uniform policy.

They insist on one particular skirt, that doesn’t come in different lengths and don’t allow girls to wear trousers (which she would actually prefer). Hence the slightly too short skirt being the only option.

No, a tooshort skirt is not the only option. You are ignoring all.the suggesions to take in the waist which is a really common adjustment.

greenspaces4peace · 07/10/2023 05:44

I’ve just been through airport security and asked by a complete stranger to reveal my waistband in public.
Finding this a breach of your bodily autonomy is up to you/your family. It’s really not a strange request.
she needs the longer skirt and you need to get the waistband altered.

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/10/2023 05:50

Not everyone is good at/ has time to sew. Clumsy adjustments could be uncomfortable (daughter is autistic).

Personally, a uniform that strict (and likely expensive!) That can only be bought one place is pretty problematic for this and many other reasons.

MilesAndMilesOfLights · 07/10/2023 05:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Simonjt · 07/10/2023 05:54

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/10/2023 05:50

Not everyone is good at/ has time to sew. Clumsy adjustments could be uncomfortable (daughter is autistic).

Personally, a uniform that strict (and likely expensive!) That can only be bought one place is pretty problematic for this and many other reasons.

In that case they could easily be taken to an alteration shop.

MeriCatfished · 07/10/2023 05:55

No I wouldn't be bothered by this and would think you were ridiculous to complain.

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/10/2023 06:09

@Simonjt in a city, sure. But not many schools that strict in town and city centres. And small towns/ villages are not overflowing with alteration shops.

That is, I know a guess, but I'm pointing out it isn't a easy / non-time consuming fix necessarily.

mellongoose · 07/10/2023 06:10

Why did you set her up to fail? You knew the rules. Either stitch darts/take the skirt in. Or use safety pins on the waist band.

RedHelenB · 07/10/2023 06:13

Hollyhead · 07/10/2023 04:14

As no part of her actual unclothed body was showing I think it’s fine. Is there any hem at all that can be taken down?

This

seven201 · 07/10/2023 06:13

I've asked pupils to show their waistband if they've said their skirt isn't rolled. There's no way I'd ask them to do it in private. If you're really concerned it's going to happen again you need to buy the size up and have the waistband adjusted.

aSofaNearYou · 07/10/2023 06:17

I don't think this would be unreasonable with a fair uniform policy, but I do think it is unreasonable to only allow a certain skirt and then be strict about length in this way, and also to not have the option of trousers in the first place.

countrygirl99 · 07/10/2023 06:19

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/10/2023 06:09

@Simonjt in a city, sure. But not many schools that strict in town and city centres. And small towns/ villages are not overflowing with alteration shops.

That is, I know a guess, but I'm pointing out it isn't a easy / non-time consuming fix necessarily.

I live in a small village. There are often posts on the village Facebook page asking if someone can alter something. There are always several people responding to offer.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 07/10/2023 06:20

My daughter was also v slim add had similar skirt issues. I used to have to take the skirt in to make the waistband smaller. Problem solved

Orchidflower1 · 07/10/2023 06:25

What do the older girls wear? Surely a skirt designed to y7 won’t fit y11 in length? Would that be an option @Madwife123

SunshineAndFizz · 07/10/2023 06:27

No I don't think this is complaint worthy.

DailyEnergyCrisis · 07/10/2023 06:28

Due to safeguarding school staff aren’t allowed to ask children to move to a private room to lift a jumper. Two staff members would need to be present which wouldn’t be practical given the staffing levels in state school.
With respect to the concealed weapon it would highly dangerous to take a suspected knife carrier to a private room 1-1 and again, undoubtedly against school policy.

Zanatdy · 07/10/2023 06:32

I don’t think teachers can take children into a room and ask them to lift their top. Surely she wouldn’t need to lift much to show the waistband. I think you’re over reacting. Can you not buy another skirt and take it to be altered? My daughter would hate to have started in year 7 with a skirt than broke the rules and risked that attention on her. She’s going to get asked again and again especially as she will grow taller. I’d just go and get another and take it to a seamstress to alter. If you knew they were strict on uniform then this shouldn’t come as a surprise she’s been challenged.

PrudeyTwoShoes · 07/10/2023 06:32

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:18

I would still expect this to be done in private not in the middle of a corridor full of pupils.

You think a treacher asking a child to lift an item of clothing in private is better?! Oh, my.

Zanatdy · 07/10/2023 06:34

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:28

@VioletPickles She is autistic so particularly sensitive to being the centre of attention and easily embarrassed by this. The teacher won’t have known this though as the teacher isn’t one of her teachers.

Then you really need to get her another skirt and get it altered. My DD would also hate this attention on her so you need to sort it out before it happens again, and again

SplendidUtterly · 07/10/2023 06:41

I get it Op.
I would be a bit bothered too.
But that's probably because i was asked to lift up my shirt in front of my peers to prove i hadn't rolled up my waistband in the late 90's at high school.
I was tall for my age like your dd and the skirt didn't fit well at all. It was embarrassing to say the least.

marcopront · 07/10/2023 06:43

Madwife123 · 07/10/2023 04:28

@VioletPickles She is autistic so particularly sensitive to being the centre of attention and easily embarrassed by this. The teacher won’t have known this though as the teacher isn’t one of her teachers.

So why haven't you contacted the school earlier to discuss the situation and find a solution rather than putting her in this situation.

Surely it would be more embarrassing for her to have to walk with teacher 1 to find teacher 2 (for safeguarding reasons) and then find the private place for her to lift her jumper up. It would also take considerably longer.

Auliza · 07/10/2023 06:44

It’s so tiresome reading about people complaining about people complaining about uniform.

Yes, it’s always on the Daily Mail about people sending children to school with obviously the wrong uniform and moaning. I don’t think this is the same.

Firstly, a policy where girls must wear skirts is incredibly dated. What happens to the girls that can’t wear for religious reasons?

Secondly, the situation could have been handled far more sensitively and I agree that an adult should not be asking a child to expose the waistband. Comparing to checking for a weapon is just ridiculous as I’m sure there would be more involved in this, rather than just a stop on the school hallway.

I would complain to the school OP and ask what can be mutually agreed to help your child fit within the schools uniform policy. Surely they’ve had this problem before.

Pottomous2 · 07/10/2023 06:46

countrygirl99 · 07/10/2023 04:14

Or put in darts to take in the waistband

This. I did this for my daughter. You can let the stick out as she grows

RonObvious · 07/10/2023 06:50

The skirt thing drives me insane! They made all the year 7 girls in my daughter’s class stand up for a “skirt check”. I agree that that’s just humiliating. I don’t see why schools are so obsessed with the length of girls skirts!