Teacher said My child….

[Millymollymaisy]

So background of this is my son is sen and because of this he has access to a fidget spinner and a time out card to manage his day.

He became upset before bed last night and told me a teaching assistant had come up to him at school saying why did he have it and that he wasn’t allowed to use it. My son despite being under 8 is really good at expressing what he needs and informed her why he was using it ( he was feeling sad and frustrated and this calmed him)

This provision was agreed by the senco in writing and put into place last year. When I heard this I emailed in to remind them about the agreement and that any staff should know about his needs even at the minimum level

the teacher responded via email praising how fantastic the teaching assistant was ( I never questioned her abilities just relayed what was said to me ) and then proceeded to tell me he was told to put it away as ‘ he was using it to hit other children ‘

now and no I don’t think my child has sunshine radiating from him but I know him and he’s never ever done this to any child ever either inside or outside of school and I challenged this .

long story short I asked senco to step in and get to the bottom of it. Two children were spoken too about it and one confirmed my son hadn’t touched him and the other child said he had no clue what they were talking about. They then emailed me to say that my son ‘ was jabbing forward’ at some peers ( the same that confirmed the above)

i asked them if this actually took place that my son was taking a object and hitting children with it whether he’s sen or not it wouldn’t be okay and as a parent should I have not been called to be told so I could help facilitate it not happening again? I received no response to that

second of all the teacher put in writing alongside a lecture on the safe usage of a fidget tool that the reason he was told to put his managing aid away was ‘ because he was using it to hit other children ‘ I’m sorry but jabbing forward and hitting are very very different ( jabbing is still not okay but no physical contact was made )

when I asked my son this he obviously was upset and denied hitting anyone and he was telling the truth.

I really feel the teacher over stepped her mark in informing me of something that is serious but wasn’t actually true

was I unreasonable in the fact I emailed back the senco and copied the same teacher in quoting both of their feedbacks where it clearly shows my son never hit anyone and as a teacher they should be careful and clear when making allegations about any child including mine ?

You should speak to your child and make it clear that his/ her actions were inappropriate. Your child was in the wrong.

Massive over reaction? One email to school asking why he was prevented using his aid and then 2 more to get to the bottom of it which exposed the fact she made an untrue serious allegation. We are on the path to get a EHCP so any future support will at least he legally bound . I do not plan to take it further , I hope by emailing them both together highlighting the difference of their feedback is enough to show that once they looked into it and spoke to children and the assistant it was clear my son had Not hit children

Honestly it is an overreaction. These things take a huge amount of time. This is a minor event in a classroom and you’ve involved three members of staff and emailed two trying to prove some nonsense conspiracy against your precious boy. I don’t think anyone unless they work in education gets the stress these pointless niggles put on staff. It’s ridiculous. Have a chat with him about appropriate use of his aides and move on.

And this matters how? Your showed intent to hit another child with it. I as a parent) would be having a strong word with your child to make it clear his/ her actions were in the wrong.
Yes, it wasn't great that they said your child hot another child but the intent was there, hence the removal of it. You could be teaching your child respect for other children.
I'm not sure what actions the other child was doing to make your child retaliate in this way but that does not justify your child's actions.

If he wasn't using his aid in the way it was intended - basically being a bit of a dick with it instead of calmly using it to self regulate - then I'd support the school taking it off him.

They're not in use at my school because too many kids claimed they needed them and then misused them. Better ways to satisfy that need to 'fidget' imo.

Annoying that the teacher said he'd hit someone with it when he'd actually only 'jabbed' at them but splitting hairs and focusing on the wrong part of the story imo.

This 100%
Your child was in the wrong.
You are focusing on the wrong part of this.

@Millymollymaisy id step away from this thread if I were you- the truth is meaningless to so much of mumsnet when it comes to disabled people, even children. They will respond like your child is a sociopathic monster no matter how much you try and explain. Ableism is absolutely rife on here.

mumsnet has informed me that 1) I shouldn’t expect to be able to use the pavement in my wheelchair and I should magically get out of the way of cyclists on the pavement.

2. There are decent dropped curbs in this area- magic mumsnet eyes at play there!

3. because I have a boy I should never take him out without a man with us to take him to the toilet, regardless of the fact he is disabled also so needs to use the disabled loo- apparently he is a threat to women and girls when being accompanied into the disabled toilet by me (I’m talking a small child here, not even an pubescent child)

4. Disabled people have no more right to use the accessible toilets if there are able bodied people who are in a hurry or think they will be quick or have a pram with them.

5. wheelchair users are ‘being entitled’ to expect to use the wheelchair space on a bus if there are mums who want to keep their prams there.

6. disabled people shouldn’t have children and definitely shouldn’t be allowed to care for children alone.

7. we are all (including the children) only in it for the benefits and the parking.

8. my son isn’t disabled (despite being physically disabled as well as having SEN)

I could go on! It’s a waste of time and energy debating anything disability related on here.

It's quite ridiculous to be giving this so much head time. It will be one of numerous incidents that took place in that school on that day. For some reason you are desperate to be right and keeping on about it has blown it up into a mega situation when it had absolutely no need to be.

This thread reminds me why I left teaching.

If a child was physically disabled and had a walking aid that they once "jabbed" at someone would you remove it?

Thanks , yes I’m looking into alternatives
In my experience the silicone worms can be quite effective for children who aren't likely to turn them into something to stretch and ping at other children.
There's some good small cubes as well with textured sides and sides that can be clicked/flicked. They can work well for children who need a bit more sensory feedback.
Like others have said blue tac is surprisingly good. Some students like to stretch it, others roll it into balls, make cubes or sausages.

In my experience fidget spinners themselves tend to end up less effective and more disruptive to the child's learning and those around them. That's mainly because they're quite big, compared to some other aids, and the nature of them seems to lean more towards two handed use, as well as they often make noise/reflect the light.

I've never had a situation where a small fidget cube has been a source of conflict or disruption, but fidget spinners were the source of many issues.

I hope you find a solution that works for your DC

That would be a lot of schools looking for a lot of new staff.

Looking at this practically OP, what would resolve this for you? I agree that I would not be happy if I was told an untruth about my child. I would consider raising a formal Complaint (copy of the Complaints Procedure should be available at the office). Explain what has happened and tell the HT that you would consider resolution to be an apology from the teacher and an agreement to work together to find a solution for periods when your son needs stress reducing gadgets. Does this sound helpful?

Agree.
he was jabbing which he shouldn’t have been doing.

How would you put it then? Autism cannot be diagnosed through any physical tests such as X rays, brain scans or blood tests. It is a neurological disorder that is diagnosed by looking at all the symptoms a person may have.

Except this is not what has happened. The teacher has returned correcting their account, so they were in fact wrong by their own admission.
If you have been a teacher for 22 years, I would hope you would ensure you had an accurate account of an incident before informing parent of it, to ensure, as happened here, the child was not accused of doing something they didn't.

In this scenario of course a child can't go using their calming aide as an annoyance to another child, that is not being disputed by anyone. But there are ways of dealing with it that don't involve send a factual incorrect email to a parent, how are parents supposed to respect the teacher in this instance if they don't do the right thing and acknowledge their mistake. We are all human, we all name mistakes but it how you deal with them that makes a person.

Your analogy is pathetic. If a child had a walking aid that they used to jab at another person without provocation, then the child would be dealt with according to the behaviour policy. Clearly it wouldn't be taken away from them. A fidget spinner is a whole different kettle of fish. It can easily be replaced with something that can’t be used as a weapon against other children.

This. Why are you being so pedantic with jabbing and hitting? He shouldn't be doing either!

I can imagine that what may have happened here is that the SENCO was given incorrect information in the first place, and emailed the parent immediately but when they checked later it transpired that the information wasn’t quite accurate so they contacted the parent again to clarify the incident.

I can imagine that what may have happened here is that the SENCO was given incorrect information in the first place, and emailed the parent immediately but when they checked later it transpired that the information wasn’t quite accurate so they contacted the parent again to clarify the incident

The OP states the teacher responded incorrectly first, then SENCO got to the bottom of it and sent a correct version of events. So the SENCO managed to get to the bottom of it before sending their email, with the correct version of events.

If I was accused of hitting someone incorrectly, I would expect that person to stand up and be counted and acknowledge their mistake.

This. Why are you being so pedantic with jabbing and hitting? He shouldn't be doing either!

Of course he shouldn't. But hitting is contact jabbing at is an annoyance, 2 very different things.

This thread is going round in circles and I'm still none the wiser what OP is actually wanting either advice wise from us or resolution wise from the school (bar a pound of flesh or death)

Should be closed

This thread is going round in circles and I'm still none the wiser what OP is actually wanting either advice wise from us or resolution wise from the school (bar a pound of flesh or death)

The OP asks if she was unreasonable to copy in the teacher to an email which highlights the correct version of events, proving her son never hit anyone.

Answer is.... of course she isn't, the teacher needs to know the correct version of events.

Report teacher for lying end of !
Teachers do lie just like everyone does !
I’ve had experience of this ! And she or he wasn’t expecting you to follow up about it because you’re advocating your child !!
Don’t let it b brushed under the carpet ! Then move schools x

My son has Sen and complex health issues. The education system is broken completely especially for children with Sen needs. Teachers lie all the time to cover their backs I’ve experienced both as a teacher and as a parent. I’ve witnessed something and the teacher changes the events so they don’t get in trouble. I’ve experienced 2 primary schools and a secondary school. All 3 have let my son down completely. I worked in multiple primary schools with Sen children and there to much pressure on teachers an ta so they either can’t be bothered or most of the time are to busy to remember the Sen needs of the children. It got to the point my son had 7 different letters that he kept in his school bag, so when he needed time out pass or to use the toilet pass or even supply staff who never knew about my son additional needs and he was refused he pulled out the letter from me and walked out of class and then rang me and I like you would want a explanation as it was me who had to deal with the fall out of it all. Eventually after year 7 I got so fed up of the fight to get my son treated as an actual person rather than just a problem. I quit my job so even more Sen children are not getting the education they should do and now home educate him. My stressed self harming child who melt down every day for 40 mins before and after school is back to loving life. The child who was so anxious he couldn’t retain any knowledge is actually studying at higher level than his age yet at school they consistently said he was 2/3 years behind where he should be. I hope you have better luck than me within the education system.