Teacher said My child….

[Millymollymaisy]

So background of this is my son is sen and because of this he has access to a fidget spinner and a time out card to manage his day.

He became upset before bed last night and told me a teaching assistant had come up to him at school saying why did he have it and that he wasn’t allowed to use it. My son despite being under 8 is really good at expressing what he needs and informed her why he was using it ( he was feeling sad and frustrated and this calmed him)

This provision was agreed by the senco in writing and put into place last year. When I heard this I emailed in to remind them about the agreement and that any staff should know about his needs even at the minimum level

the teacher responded via email praising how fantastic the teaching assistant was ( I never questioned her abilities just relayed what was said to me ) and then proceeded to tell me he was told to put it away as ‘ he was using it to hit other children ‘

now and no I don’t think my child has sunshine radiating from him but I know him and he’s never ever done this to any child ever either inside or outside of school and I challenged this .

long story short I asked senco to step in and get to the bottom of it. Two children were spoken too about it and one confirmed my son hadn’t touched him and the other child said he had no clue what they were talking about. They then emailed me to say that my son ‘ was jabbing forward’ at some peers ( the same that confirmed the above)

i asked them if this actually took place that my son was taking a object and hitting children with it whether he’s sen or not it wouldn’t be okay and as a parent should I have not been called to be told so I could help facilitate it not happening again? I received no response to that

second of all the teacher put in writing alongside a lecture on the safe usage of a fidget tool that the reason he was told to put his managing aid away was ‘ because he was using it to hit other children ‘ I’m sorry but jabbing forward and hitting are very very different ( jabbing is still not okay but no physical contact was made )

when I asked my son this he obviously was upset and denied hitting anyone and he was telling the truth.

I really feel the teacher over stepped her mark in informing me of something that is serious but wasn’t actually true

was I unreasonable in the fact I emailed back the senco and copied the same teacher in quoting both of their feedbacks where it clearly shows my son never hit anyone and as a teacher they should be careful and clear when making allegations about any child including mine ?

Dolallypip
Maybe some others are buying into the fallacy that children with special needs never misbehave, parents never overreact and that all teachers are awful. Oh no that would be ridiculous wouldn't it?

But op agreed, he was behaving inappropriately with the fidget and agreed it should be taken off of him.
However the teacher said her ds hit two children and he did not. That has been proven as a fact. A teacher should not write down a lie about a child. The TA agrees with op her child did not strike anyone

For goodness sake just tell your child to behave himself. He needs to know that he's in a school to learn and should leave other pupils alone. It's no wonder he thinks he can do what he wants if he has you constantly fussing over him. Sometimes teachers will make a wrong call. It's no big deal but at the end of the day if your son behaved in the first place none of this would have happened.

Nobody has said that, even the op has said 100 times that he wasn’t using his aid appropriately and it was right it was removed 🤷‍♀️.

Jesus wept.... Read the fucking thread. And maybe read up a bit on autism too because you're ableism is fucking blatant.

For goodness sake just tell your child to behave himself. He needs to know that he's in a school to learn and should leave other pupils alone. It's no wonder he thinks he can do what he wants if he has you constantly fussing over him. Sometimes teachers will make a wrong call. It's no big deal but at the end of the day if your son behaved in the first place none of this would have happened.

Autistic children still need to learn that some things are inappropriate. It's not a get of jail free card.

🤦‍♀️

Ableist

Autistic children still need to learn that some things are inappropriate. It's not a get of jail free card.

This x 100.

Such a fuss about nothing 🙄

Both my dc's bring sensory aids (various forms) into school and if one of them came home and told me a TA had asked them to put one away I'd say "ah well never mind" and assume there would be a reason behind it.

If it happened multiple times then I'd try to catch a quick word with the teacher about it the next time I saw them. Obviously my dc bring these things into school for a reason, and at the suggestion of their teachers. So I'd want to check if there is a problem. But no way I'd start sending emails and kicking up such a fuss.

Give the teachers a break fgs.

A question to all the people saying it's no big deal, especially the people who say they're teachers:

Why would you be happy about anyone falsely recording a pupil's behaviour when behaviour logs can be used as part of the picture regarding a child's provision, or EHCP information?

The real issue here isn't what people think about fidget spinners, or whether the child was messing around with it. The real issue is that staff have claimed that one child has hit another when it appears to be totally untrue.
I'd be very unimpressed if I was following up a behaviour incident under the impression one child had hit another only to find that wasn't the case at all.

There was a thread on MN earlier today which has now been deleted. It became a thread where loads of teachers mocked and criticised SEN children, sneering at their needs. Laughing emojis were put next to using assistive technology to help children with dyslexia.

Although the post was written by one person, obviously, a whole heap of other teachers chimed in with the widespread dismissal of SEN children in particular. The general public I know doesn’t understand SEN, and I get it. Unless you’ve lived with it or been trained, why would you? But teachers?!!! Not just being ignorant, actively mocking children and their needs.

In fairness, there were also some lovely posters. But for myself and other SEN parents (and also as an autistic woman myself) it was truly shocking to see so many teachers laughing and jeering at children with mental health issues and SEN.

It demonstrates why in some classrooms SEN children really struggle. And it would appear that’s the case here.

The teacher’s language was misleading and inflammatory, and simply removing a sensory aid isn’t acceptable. As an emergency measure they could have given the child some BluTac (provides good sensory feedback and is often used as a fiddle toy) and an email should have been sent to the parent re child’s potentially dangerous use of the fidget spinner.

None of that happened and instead of the teacher saying “ah yes, apologies, I was going to get in touch. Little Johnny was waving his fidget spinner around and we were concerned about the other children being injured. The TA should have provided him with an alternative and we’ll make sure that happens next time.” -but the teacher was defensive and completely ignored the fact that the situation had been handled badly and not in line with the EHCP.

It’s good to remember that children can behave differently than you may expect, especially when they’re at school, surrounded by others and maybe anxious or overstimulated. So stay open to the fact his behaviour may not be as you’ve seen at home. But the fact remains that the TA handled it badly and then the teacher doubled down on this while being less than honest about events.

Agree with PP this is a massive waste of the senco's time . The teacher didn't email you to accuse your son of anything; you instigated the communication. All that has happened is the TA intervened when they felt your child was potentially missing the fidget toy. They weren't going to follow up and the whole thing would have been done with had you not emailed. Maybe he was going to harm the other kid(s) maybe he wasn't. There has been a mix up in communication between the TA and teacher is all. Why on earth would they lie about something so minor? They hadn't suggested removing the fidget toy permanently had they? If she had waited until the kid actually did physical harm then they would be dealing with a complaint from THAT parent.

Thanks for everyone’s feedback. It’s been stated multiple times I have no issue with the aid being removed . I do have issue with a person in authority - his teacher - putting it on record to me that he hit multiple children when in fact he wasn’t . He didn’t touch anyone . They assumed maybe he would and took it away. That’s fine . No issue .

accuse my child of violence on record is not okay when factually it’s been established he didn’t hit anyone.

How is it a waste of time to query why her ds had been hitting. I know for my ds it would be highly unusual and therefore I would want to know what was the trigger, the behaviour leading up to event and what could be done to ensure everyone is safe.

However it's irrelevant because her ds dis not hit anyone.

I also never stated what his sen needs are but so many have jumped to the assumption he must be annoying or disruptive or not suited to the school. He speaks 3 languages , he’s in the gifted group for reading and phonics, he has 100% attendance record , he has friends , he attends multiple school clubs and is learning to play the drums and violin. He also attends a club to learn extra social skills from accredited therapists

He has never shown any shred of violence to any child or person in any setting and has no history of this type of behaviour that’s why I questioned the initial information and I was right too because it transpired it was incorrect .

I chose to believe the person I knew best , and that was my son.

Threatening violence IS assault.The teacher did not lie she was mistaken that the kid did not manage to land a jab/hit.It doesnt make his behaviour any more acceptable.The main thung is the op is failing in her duties by trying to deflect from her son's behaviour

Sencos job is to support pupils with additional needs in all aspects of their school life so no not a waste of her time.

I did email in initially about the aid to find out why it was removed . The response was a teacher saying it was because my child had hit other children with it.

this was proved false by the senco talking too my child, the TA and the two children involved.

removing the aid because they suspected something might happen or it was being used inappropriately is okay by me . Falsely putting it in a email that this took place only because he was using it to hit children is not okay when that was untrue

Those posters that accuse teachers of joking and not understanding Sen issues, are not seeing the big picture. Once upon a time a teacher would have 1 or 2 special needs pupils in their class. These children would have a paragraph explaining their individual needs… sit them at the front, let them use a wp, etc etc

now in a typical classroom over half the children will be diagnosed SEN, all with their own educational requirements, over a page long. Combine that with bigger classes, fewer support staff and the expectation to log everything and actually teach the class the required syllabus…..….then please don’t be surprised teachers don’t see that particular fidget spinner as the centre of their focus, don’t be surprised if they might get things wrong, they do care but have an impossible task.

you should read some typical Sen statements. Eg please make sure this child is not given a task that lasts longer than 5 mins as they can’t concentrate, please make sure that child is not asked any questions as they are anxious, make sure that one has a text copy on cream paper, in font 16, of everything you write on the board, and don’t let her sit near him, always make eye contact with them, note he has defiance disorder so don’t raise your voice, etc etc

i could go on but if you don’t get it, I don’t blame you.. just stop blaming the teacher, it’s an impossible task.

The teacher did lie by saying he had hit other children

she didn’t say he tried too
she didn’t say they felt he wanted too
she didn’t say he nearly did

she said he had .

I am in no way deflecting from my child’s behaviour. I agreed with them it was right to remove it and I agreed with them it must be used properly.

No wonder so many teachers are leaving the profession if this is what they have to put up with. The teacher felt your son was not using the fidget tool correctly so took it off him. Leave it at that instead of creating extra work for the teacher. It amazes me how many parents take their child’s word for it rather than trusting the teacher. Why on earth would they feel the need to lie about something like this?

It is the same sort of parents who complain that schools are short staffed or not qualified for delivering certain subjects. Perhaps a bit more support for teachers is needed rather than nitpicking at every little thing and making their lives even more difficult.

Well only the teacher can explain why she put it on record he was hitting other children when it transpired he wasn’t actually doing this .

Teachers are over worked and underpaid but they choose their job and while they have peoples children in their care they have to take responsibility for what they feedback.

can a police officer write up a inaccurate false report because he’s worked for poor pay and is over stretched ?

You’re massively over-fixating on the wrong thing. They saw your child jabbing forward with it, this almost definitely looked like he was trying to hit a child and they may have thought he had managed to. Any TA/Teacher would have done the same. It really doesn’t matter as much as you clearly think it does that he didn’t actually manage to land a hit, and was just “jabbing”, this is still not appropriate and could look very violent. This isn’t one of those situations where the specific writing of that email massively matters, it’s not a police caution, it’s not a written statement for the police, it’s not “on record” in any way that matters, it’s an email to a parent of what they believed they saw. And actually, it’s what they did see, the only exception is they believed he had managed to land a hit on a child and he didn’t- but he was jabbing enough that it seemed as though he did, which is bad enough!

Your child was behaving inappropriately, the teachers have responded to your complaints appropriately, just leave it at that.

Frankly if you can’t see the difference between an email from a teacher to a parent and a police offer writing up an inaccurate false report, you’re beyond help.